Zero Doinks: World's Weirdest Chicago Bears Podcast

The Bears are 2-1 and there's absolutely no red flags to concern ourselves with whatsoever. This might be the greatest rushing offense the league has ever seen in the history of pigskin. We definitely did not pick a specific game in which we are deciding the fate of Justin Fields as Bears QB, no, absolutely we did not do that around minute 14 or so of this bonus ep. Thank you Cairo Santos, Ro Smit...

Stop me if you've heard this one before - the Bears went into Green Bay for a nationally-televised night game and they left with a loss, giving their fanbase an uneasy feeling and continued inferiority complex. The boys won't dwell on Sunday night's thrashing too much as it's Texans week which means the return of a bearded Lovie Smith. So much Pinocchio and donkey talk. We ask the questions you're...

The undefeated Chicago Bears head to Green Bay this Sunday night in front of a crowd of mostly ugly people and we can't wait to get into it. Will Coach Flus ever lose? Will Aaron Rodgers be wasted out of his gourd? How often does Matt LeFleur get his hair cut? I think it's time for the Bears to take the North and never give it back, don't you? Plus our HOT fantasy picks of the week, Rick Feelsmen'...

The boys of Zero Doinks needed to immediately talk about the incredible Week 1 upset by our beloved Bears over the seven point favorite San Francisco 49ers. 16 wins away from perfection. Enjoy this bonus reaction episode. Bearssssss.

Finally, real football is here, and Dan & Bill Doinks are here to get weird with it. Are the boys still glowing from JF1's preseason performance against Cleveland? Any hot thoughts about the final 53 or depth chart? Sweaty Ted is retiring, hallelujah! So much hot content this ep, including the return of both Rick Feelsmen and Greasetank Frank. 0:00 - 2:52 - Intro Song "Sunday I'm in Love" with...

The boys wrap up their preseason slate of episodes with the return of Dan Doinks from Hawaii. How tan do we think his unmentionables are? Still pretty paste-y? Anywho, the Seahawks were no match for the Bears in preseason game two as they remain on top of the NFC North for a second-consecutive week. What are our feelings on Roquan ending his "hold-in" and playing out the final year of his rookie c...

With Dan floating from Hawaiian isle to isle, it's the beautiful and talented Darren from Dublin taking his considerable seat this week, though you'll hear a splash of a sun-soaked Dan Doinks from time to time. We re-visit the Bears hot hot hot preseason debut versus the Chiefs. Which players stood out? Why did Eberflus look a little awkward on the sidelines? Is there tangible JF1 progress? Darren...

The boys of Zero Doinks cannot believe the preseason hath arrived. It's August, it's football season, and wow does that make this podcast extraordinarily randy. Matt Nagy is soon to return to Soldier Field as a Chiefs assistant coach. Can't imagine his welcome will be warm. Plus camp is a week in - what are our expert observations based solely off of Twitter updates? Dan is going out of town - wil...

The ladies of Zero Doinks are back as Jordan and Kristen Doinks return to the show for the first time since 2020. Hubba hubba. Seems like a perfect time for some Chicago Bears Hot or Not with these two foul-mouthed pirates, wouldn't you say? We think you're going to enjoy this.

Eberflus is a bad boy, but will his roster's lack of overall talent be giving him a spanking come December? We talk about Flus's first experience with the squad, including one missed OTA practice, or what the Tribune's beat reporters describe as a "misstep by the regime." We also try to balance realism about the 2022 Bears while not trying to be too cynical since we're 40ish and crabby. Grease Tan...

Memorial Day weekend certainly should be used to honor the brave souls who made the ultimate sacrifice for our country, that is an absolute given. It is also a perfect time to prep the loyal listeners of Zero Doinks for what is traditionally the biggest weekend in autosports. Grease Tank is the guy for the job, as always, and Rick Feelsmen might be lost in an East Chicago casino somewhere, hard to...

The newly-adopted official Premier League team of Zero Doinks, Everton, is on the brink of relegation. A huge matchup with Crystal Palace is happening and Zero Doinks is (kind of) on the scene to see what the Toffee's fate will be. Special guests Rick Feelsmen, Mike from England + Darren from Dublin join Bill and Dan Doinks to see if Everton fans will be excited or horrified after today's bout.

The 2022 schedule is out and things are red hot in Dan's trousers. We take a look at how the Bears will run through this year's slate and highlight some dates that tickle our fancy. Plus Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks is back for another rousing update from Greasetank Frank (RIP to Rick who is vacationing without his thumbs). A few other surprises, per usual. Thanks for listening, we love you. 0:00 - 04:5...

King Poles sat on his drafting throne for the first time as Chicago Bears GM extraordinare and who did he find? Eleven new players plus an ungodly amount of undrafted free agents. With their seconds of research, the boys of Zero Doinks react to all of the new Bears as only they can. Plenty of special guests this episode, including the incomparable Rick Feelsmen PLUS Greasetank Frank who is starrin...

If there was any doubt Ryan Poles was going to start slow, the trading of Khalil Mack and additional cutting of three bloated contracts shows otherwise. Welcome to the kick off show for Season 4 of Zero Doinks. We can't believe we haven't been imprisoned yet so consider everyone lucky I suppose. We'll discuss the quick start to free agency for Poles and the Bears as well as discuss our feelings ab...

Black Monday struck hard at Halas Hall as not only was Chicago HC Matt Nagy canned, the seven-year reign of GM Ryan Pace was also deleted like a rack of Hamm's. Yet, somehow, Ted Phillips remains a trusted soldier of the McCaskey family despite years of uselessness. The boys of Zero Doinks talk all about their Bears feelings and discuss possible targets for both GM and head coach. This was a good...

Who thought they'd have the opportunity to see BDN lead the Bears to a victory in 2021? Not Dan and Bill Doinks, that's for sure. Not sure what that says about the Seahawks to be honest but hey, who cares. Nothing changes about the future of this squad, though, as we are two weeks from (hopefully) major changes. 0:00 - 01:23 - Intro 01:23 - 02:17 - What's on tap tonight? 02:17 - 28:37 - Seahawks R...

What a shocker, Matt Nagy was fully in charge and the Bears lost. Somehow Chicago manages to lose despite giving up less than 100 yards passing to Kirk Cousins and the Minnesota Vikings. This is so sad. Celebrity journo Brad Swiggs pays the boys a visit this week plus tons more, including Rick Feelsmen and his hot pick(s) and who knows what else. Merry Christmas! Enjoy the two new tunes! 0:00 - 04...

The Packers beat the Bears for like the 900th time out of the last 969 games. Who cares, why is Matt Nagy still the coach. Can we just fast forward to 2022. JF1 was back so that was fun at times. Still too many rookie mistakes but hey, he gives Chicago reason for hope. We go off the rails a few times this episode so if you're looking for hard-hitting analysis, probably not going to find it here. B...

One can only hope by the time you are listening to this episode that Ted Phillips, Ryan Pace and Matt Nagy have all resigned out of shame. Or someone found incriminating photos of all three of them at a local farm. It's long past time to burn it all down. Dan Doinks was on the scene as the Bears lose to a Lamar Jackson-less Baltimore Ravens squad. How did it feel to hear "Fire Matt Nagy" chants wi...

After a relaxing bye week for us Bears fans, JF1 and the lads prep for a return to Soldier Field as Lamar Jackson and the Ravens will be coming to town. The boys will give you their hot hot fantasy and gambling picks (as will resident sharp and shark, Rick Feelsmen). Plus the long-awaited return of Gray Balls as Coach Cuse has put together quite the squad to try and defend the crown for the 35+ in...

Chicago's comeback attempt falls short on Monday Night Football as the Bears lose to Big Ben's grey penis in Pittsburgh. We'll talk all about JF1's continued ascension toward greatness, and Matt Nagy's latest example of why he should be facing an obvious firing, as the Bears head into their bye week. Plus of course we'll talk about Jordan Love's debut for Green Bay which should have offered Packer...

Matt Nagy sits this one out but another loss hits the column nonetheless as Jimmy G and the 49ers roll all over Chicago's defense on Halloween afternoon. At least Justin Fields looked pretty sweet, right? That's really all this season is about, let's be honest, especially with the trade deadline looming and a GM and coach whose jobs should be just about over. We talk all about what stood out to us...

The Bears fell to under .500 at the vengeful hands of Tom Brady and his 600+ career TDs. Under Matt Nagy, this Bears outfit had no chance to hang with the defending champs, which feels like a bit of a problem. What next for bewildered rookie QB Justin Fields and his teammates? San Fran stumbles into town this weekend for what feels like an absolute must win. Is Dan even bothering to show up? We'll...

Aaron Rodgers might own the Bears but he does not own Zero Doinks. We will talk all about the Bears having now lost 10 out of 11 to Green Bay as well as Rodgers's message for all of Soldier Field. Dan Doinks was in the flesh to witness yet another loss to the Packers and frankly this is all too familiar of a feeling, wake us up when both Rodgers and Nagy are gone. We talk about JF1's latest perfor...