Why Does My Partner

For this final episode of our bonus series on boundaries, our listener question is about struggling to say no to physical touch from their partner when they don’t feel like it, and wondering “is there something wrong with me when I want space?” No, dear listener, there’s nothing wrong with you, and that goes for anyone listening who’s ever felt the same. It’s okay to want space sometimes, it’s oka...

Y’all, this episode is jam packed. We’ve got not one but TWO questions from listeners that get us diving straight into you-turns, compassion practices, times out and times in, and so, so much more. Both questions start similarly: “why does my partner push me until I…” but once we scratch the surface, it’s not too long before we discover the real question: “When I feel pushed, why do I end up actin...

This is a really special episode of WDMP to share with you! Our regular listeners know that we don’t shy away from sharing examples of our own relationship work on the show, but today Vickey takes it even further, signing herself up to do some psychological boundary work of her own right here, on air. As you follow along with Vickey, you’ll learn how to discern what really is or isn’t about you in...

It’s episode 2 of our mini-series on boundaries, and we’ve got a listener question that we think a lot of our listeners are going to relate to. Have you ever been this person? You told your partner that you wanted something from them, and then they just don’t do it. You’re upset, of course, because they didn’t respect your boundaries! You communicated them clearly enough, so they should have to fo...

Guess what, Jules wrote a book! It’s called Setting Boundaries that Stick: How Neurobiology Can Help You Rewire Your Brain to Feel Safe, Connected, and Empowered , and to celebrate, we’re doing a five-part mini-series all about setting and maintaining boundaries that actually work. In this episode, Jules talks us through her 6 steps for setting external boundaries , or the boundaries that communic...

It's our final episode of season five, and the question we’re answering today is “Wouldn’t it just be easier if we were all the same?” Okay, that’s not exactly true, but we are talking about navigating differences within your partnership, especially when kids are part of the picture. The question starts off with a disagreement about how to mark holidays and important life events, which gets us won...

What if a relationship ending didn’t mean it was a failure? It’s our second-to-last episode of season 5. We’re answering a question that takes us inside some complicated relationship dynamics, from open relationships and polyamory to long distance and relationships with a time limit. We offer a big YOU-turn for you when you’re wondering what your partner is thinking or feeling about an issue and o...

It’s another two-fer episode today, with a pair of questions that have to do with partners interrupting or getting annoyed when the other partner wants to talk about feelings. Plus, we’ve got WDMP producer/music therapist Al Hoberman back on as a special guest! When is it a good time to bring up 'feelings talk' in your house? During dinner? Before bed? While watching TV? A big part of having these...

Today we have an extra special episode of Why Does My Partner, as we welcome our special guest, Al Hoberman ! Besides being the sound editor and producer of WDMP, Al is a music psychotherapist in private practice. He’s joining us for this listener question, which takes us down the rabbit hole of asking “Just what is a feeling anyway? How do you know when you’re having one, and what counts as ‘talk...

What happens inside of your relationship when things in other parts of your life start to get stressful? Maybe it feels like you have less time to dedicate to your partner, or that your energy is just completely spent after a long day, and you just don’t have it in you to be present and relational. That’s the topic of today’s question, and it takes us into a conversation all about integrated vs. u...

Congratulations! You’ve been working hard on this relationship, and it really feels like you’re getting to the next level. So why is it that everything your partner does is so darn annoying? If that’s happening for you, you’re not alone. In today’s episode, we’re discussing why we always seem to pick a partner who knows exactly how to push our buttons, and what that can tell us about our own psych...

We talk about hurt a lot on this podcast, so much so that we released a whole mini-series called “Discord Builds Trust...No Really!” (Check it out if you haven't already!) So when this question came along, we had a lot of angles to cover. We discuss making YOU-turns on the stories we tell ourselves about what’s happening, and when lashing out is really about a deep desire to connect. We also talk...

What do apes, grapes, and celery have to do with each other? They’re all on today’s episode of the WDMP podcast! Our listener question brings us to exploring what lies beneath the desire for fairness, and what’s really being communicated when one partner is feeling resentful or underserved. Topics include what it means to attack from the victim position, inherited expectations, and flinging poo. N...

We’re not going to lie, today’s question hit home for a lot of us here at Why Does My Partner HQ. We’re sharing our stories of relationships where it was hard to let go as we respond to this listener, whose partner keeps breaking up with her and getting back together...now more than seven times. There’s some big YOU-turns to be made in this story, and at the center of it all is the question, “What...

Here we are with Season 5 of the Why Doesn’t My Partner podcast! This episode is about mismatch, but don’t let the title fool you - it’s not just about sex. It’s about the discomfort of experiencing mismatch in your partnership, and the shame of wanting something that maybe somewhere in your life, you’ve learned is not okay. Starting with this You-turn, we cover topics like discovering your psycho...

Is there one person in your partnership that always brings up the issues? Whether that’s you or your partner, chances are there are some real feelings of disconnection and loneliness all around. On today’s episode, it’s all about how our attachment styles guide our gut instincts to either distance ourselves from conflict or try to smooth it over right away. We discuss what might be happening when...

Ok, so maybe we’ve convinced you that Discord Builds Trust (No Really!). You’re on board, you’re practicing sitting with your learned beliefs, and you're cultivating curiosity. Now the moment arrives. There’s disconnect, hurt, something went wrong. What do you do? How do you get out of this place and into the trust (no…really!) On today’s episode of our mini-series, the question is " Why does my p...

Hello and welcome to episode two of our mini-series, Discord Builds Trust…No Really! It’s such a natural, human thing to want to avoid conflict. We all do it! But when we do, we’re missing the chance to have a new experience of trying something hard with someone we love, and finding out that we can do it. That’s why we call it earning trust. Our bodies and our brains are primed to remember past st...

We’re back, dear listeners, as promised with a bonus mini-series: Discord Builds Trust…No Really! Really, it does! We’re not kidding with you on this one. So then why are we sometimes more comfortable with superficial, surface level topics? We’re opening up this conversation by acknowledging that intimacy is hard, and vulnerability can be scary, and wait – just what is a surface level topic, anywa...

Hello dear listeners! We're popping into your podcast feed today to let you know that our next Bonus Mini Series, Discord Builds Trust...No Really! will be launching on June 13, 2023! To get things going, we're sharing a message from one of you, following up on the question they asked in Season 4. Thank you so much to that couple for sharing their story, and thank you to all of you for listening....

Here it is folks, our last episode of season 4! Today’s conversation sums up so much of what we’ve been talking about this season, from slowing down and having the tough conversations, to building trust, to what does it really mean to practice boundaries, anyway? As we discuss this listener’s question, we’re thinking about how people exist together as part of interconnected systems. When one part...

Welcome back to the WDMP Podcast. Today’s question leads us into exploring what we each understand sexual intimacy to mean, and what we can do if that understanding doesn't seem to line up with our partner’s. We’re encouraging you, dear listeners, to start to learn about and understand your own sexual templates: what are your likes and dislikes, what are some of the beliefs you have about what tho...

Welcome back to the WDMP podcast. Today’s listener question asks about a partner who says there’s nothing wrong, but the asker is worried he’s holding back. We take this into a discussion about trust, and how embracing discord gives you an opportunity to strengthen a relationship. We cover what it means to repair after discord, what the research is telling us about conflict and repair, and how oft...

Would you know everything about your partner? Like, really, really everything? There’s a delicate balance in every relationship between the intimacy of knowing each other deeply and keeping the magic alive with a bit of mystery. In today’s episode, we get into how intimacy comes from knowing a lot about our partner, which makes us feel safe, while mystery – leaving some things unknown – brings the...

Welcome back to the WDMP podcast! Rebecca is bringing the question today so that we can go deeper on the language of “power over, power under, and power with.” We live in such a hierarchical, win-or-lose society, it's no wonder that we learn to think of power as a zero-sum game, where we compete for who has more control, more influence, more freedom to act. But when we learn to switch to power-wit...