While We're Waiting® - Hope After Child Loss

My name is Jill Sullivan ... and I have a calendar problem.  I like calendars.  A lot.  I love filling in all the little boxes with appointments and special dates and activities.  (Not that I want to do all the activities -- as an introvert, I enjoy writing them down much more than actually doing them, ha!)  I even keep my calendars from year to year ... in fact, I still have my planner from this...

Hospital life is strange.  You would think that the doctors and nurses want the sick person to rest ... but no ... you would think wrongly.  All through the day -- and all through the night -- there are blood pressure checks, antibiotic infusions, and temperature measurements.  There are even people who come in and clean the room during the night -- they flip on the lights, sweep the floor, bang t...

Molly Huffman is my guest on the podcast again today.  She is a wife, a mom, a stepmom, and the author of a wonderful book titled “The Moon Is Round: A True Story of Extraordinary Loss, Grief, and the Fight for Faith.”  Last week, Molly shared the story of how her precious son Tage was diagnosed with a terminal genetic disease when he was just six months old, and the hard and holy privilege she ha...

We had all thought, rather naively, I suppose, that once this second round of radiation treatments was completed, Hannah would have some time to enjoy just being a typical teenager for awhile before starting chemotherapy treatments.  She was excited at the prospect of having a healthy immune system and no longer being isolated.  She had not attended school since September, when we pulled her out o...

Anyone who has known me for more than five minutes knows that I am a "control enthusiast."  I like my plans to be made in advance, my schedule to fall neatly into place, and my calendar to be without eraser marks. A cancer diagnosis is a great reminder that none of us are really in control of anything   From one moment to the next, things can change rapidly.  The day after Hannah set up...

Sixteen years ago today, Hannah and I sat down together at our big desktop computer and she helped me set up my Facebook page.  And she also wrote the very first post on my page ... "Eww ... My Mom has a Facebook! jk jk"  It still makes me smile today!  :) Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the While We're Waiting podcast in this year-long series in which I share...

"Greatly improved."  The two most beautiful words in the English language ten years ago today.  There were still a lot of questions ... Would Hannah need additional radiation?  How would this new chemotherapy affect her?  Did the fact that the treatments were working mean that a cure was actually possible?  There was so much we didn't know.  Thank you for joining me for another bonu...

One thing about a week-long stay in the hospital ... It sure makes you appreciate a good night's sleep in your own bed!  The folks at Children's Hospital do their best to accommodate parents who stay in the rooms with their children, and provide either a reasonably comfortable recliner-type chair or a cushioned bench-type area in front of the window (can you say drafty?), but it's a...

We were greatly encouraged by the news that the radiation had been effective in shrinking and even eliminating some of  the tumors on Hannah's spine and brainstem.  It made all the trips back and forth to Little Rock, the painful throat, the isolation ... even the hair loss .. all worthwhile!  We understood that this put her in a much more favorable position for the new chemotherapy regimen t...

I am excited today to introduce you to my friend Molly Huffman, who is a wife, a mom, a stepmom, and the author of a wonderful book titled “The Moon Is Round”. She joins me today to share her experience with both the loss of her mother and the story of her son, Tage, who was diagnosed with a terminal genetic disease at just six months of age. We discuss the hard and holy privilege of that journey,...

I'm so thankful God did not give us a road map sixteen years ago.  If we had known the destination, I'm not sure we could have kept on walking.  As it was, He gave us just enough grace for each step.  My email from sixteen years ago today explains ... Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the While We're Waiting podcast in this year-long series in which I share our f...

When you have a child who has been diagnosed with cancer, you quickly acquire an entirely new vocabulary.  Our current word of the week was "neutropenia." Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the While We're Waiting podcast in this year-long series in which I share our family’s experiences as our teenage daughter Hannah battled glioblastoma brain cancer from Februar...

While we were still somewhat surprised to be hospitalized, we adjusted quickly to our new surroundings.  This was Hannah's first hospitalization since her brain surgery in February ... which is pretty amazing in and of itself, considering all the treatments she'd been through.  Arkansas Children's Hospital does an amazing job of making their patients as comfortable as possible.  Han...

We arrived at Arkansas Children's Hospital on Monday morning all prayed up and psyched up for Hannah's MRI.  We had no idea we would be admitted to the hospital instead. Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the While We're Waiting podcast in this year-long series in which I share our family’s experiences as our teenage daughter Hannah battled glioblastoma brain canc...

Fifty-two radiation sessions completed.  Seven months of chemotherapy treatments in the rear view mirror.  Countless needle sticks.  Multiple bags of blood products on board.  A bald head and an extremely sore throat to show for it.  And one MRI scan which would reveal whether or not any of these treatments had had any effect against the tumors in Hannah's brain and spine.  And we had to wait...

Welcome to episode #227, which is a continuation of my conversation with John and Lisa Cleland.  Last week the Clelands shared with us the story of their son Zac, who was fulfilling his dream of serving as a United States Marine until December of 2021, when he was the victim of fentanyl poisoning.  Today, they very honestly discuss the impact of losing a son to fentanyl and the faithfulness of God...

One difficult aspect of Hannah's cancer journey was how it affected Bethany.  You might remember that when Hannah was first diagnosed, she was in the middle of a prolonged battle against mono.  Once she finally recovered from that, she jumped back into all of her school, social, and church activities. But no matter where she went, she was no longer Bethany ... she was "the girl whose sis...

Hannah's Facebook status from sixteen years ago today was this ... "Hannah is gonna give God the glory when all this is said and done ... no more radiation!" We were so thrilled that Hannah had come through 52 total radiation treatments relatively unscathed.  The dreaded side effects outlined at the beginning of the process, for the most part, had not manifested themselves.  Yes, sh...

Hannah was now isolated ... but she wasn't alone ... not really.  God was with her every step of the way.  He had redeemed her and called her by name.  There's no other explanation for how she could have accepted everything that happened to her with such grace and peace.  I'm so thankful that even though she was isolated, she was never truly alone. Thank you for joining me for anoth...

Hannah's facebook status from sixteen years ago today was this:  "Hannah is frusturated that my immune system is so low that I can't go anywhere besides the hospital ... but only 2 radiations to go so it should get better soon!" I love how Hannah acknowledges her "frusturation" in this status, yet comes back to the positive side ... reminding her readers that things s...

One frustrating thing about Hannah's care is that we rarely had the opportunity to talk privately with her healthcare providers.  Hannah was always present, listening attentively, while her doctors and nurses talked with us about her most recent scans, blood work results, treatment plans, etc.  I always wondered how honest they were really being when Hannah was sitting right there with us soa...

I had the great privilege of visiting with John and Lisa Cleland on the occasion of their son Zac’s 29th birthday recently, and I am pleased to share our conversation with you today.  In today’s episode, we hear about Zac and his service to our country as a proud United States Marine right up until his death under mysterious circumstances in December of 2021.  Be sure to come back next week for th...

By this point in her treatment, Hannah had  endured hundreds of "sticks" ... often two or three in one visit because it was so hard to find a good vein on her.  She was such a pro at it, she would often calmly coach the nurses on just which vein to use or how to hold the needle just right in order to have a successful blood draw. With all the platelet infusions she was needing and the IV...

October 22nd was always a day to look forward to in our home. It was a joyful mile marker, a date to celebrate another year of our precious girl's life. October 22, 2008, was a little different. Hannah's 17th birthday came around just three weeks after we found out that her cancer had returned with a vengeance. Three weeks after her doctor, with tears in his eyes, told us that she had le...

Hannah's facebook status from sixteen years ago today was this ... "Hannah is enjoying being home after the annoying day of another platelet transfusion." Hannah rarely complained, so this expression of annoyance revealed a lot about how she felt about platelet transfusions.  She had battled platelet issues off and on throughout the early months of her treatment, and once again, low...