While We're Waiting® - Hope After Child Loss

During our clinic appointment sixteen years ago today, we had the opportunity to chat with Hannah's oncologist while she received her requisite platelet infusion.  She was scheduled for an MRI on Monday, which would tell us a lot about what the future might hold.  Her doctor was very honest with us, explaining that he believed the results would indicate progression of the cancer.  He went on...

After hearing the news that we may just have six to eight weeks left with Hannah, Brad and I sat down together and made some decisions.  One was that he would take a leave of absence from his job as her high school principal.  Part of this was just practicality ... as Hannah was able to do less and less for herself, he would be needed to help with her care.  She was basically the same height and w...

When we arrived at Children's Hospital sixteen years ago today, the waiting room was packed and every bed in the infusion room was full. It was obvious we had a long wait in front of us. Hannah was completely exhausted just from the ride to Little Rock that morning, and could barely sit up in her wheelchair.  The brightness of the waiting room assaulting her dilated pupils made things even mo...

From my email 16 years ago ... Every day, we hear from at least one person (usually several people) about how much Hannah's story has touched, or even changed, their life. It is such an incredible blessing to us to hear that, and I want to take a minute to explain why. The night before Hannah's brain surgery last February, she shared a story with us that she had never told us before. Man...

Joining me today are Shawn and Sandy Smith, who I had the opportunity to meet when they attended our first While We’re Waiting Weekend in Michigan a couple years ago.  Their faith has been tested in ways most of us can hardly imagine—first, when Sandy was diagnosed with breast cancer, and then, just days later, when their six-year-old son Andrew was diagnosed with DIPG, an aggressive and terminal...

During this hospital stay, it hit me full force how weary Hannah was becoming.  She had been so strong for so long, and her body (and mind) were finally wearing down.  It was clear that she was in the process of dying, and as much as I didn't want her to go, I also didn't want to push her beyond her limits. I really just wanted to take her home and let her live the time she had left with...

It may sound strange to say that even though Hannah had been battling brain cancer for nearly a year, she really hadn't been "sick" very much.  Yes, she dealt with ongoing headaches, nausea, low platelets, and fatigue, but for the most part, she had been able to cope with these things and still live her life.  Her only hospitalizations, other than her initial surgery, had been for f...

We were now using a wheelchair exclusively for our trips to Children's Hospital, and had become pretty well resigned to its use away from home.  But as time went on, Hannah was becoming less and less able to walk independently, even in our home.  She began to depend upon one of us to support her as she walked from the living room to her bedroom, and needed assistance to stand from a seated po...

One of the most painful parts of Hannah's cancer journey was witnessing the decline of her cognitive skills.  She was a girl who had always taken great pride in being a straight-A student, consistently at the top of her class, always completing her work before it was due ... and suddenly she was having difficulty putting sentences together.  She was becoming more and more quiet as the struggl...

Last Wednesday, I introduced you to Kurt and Denette Schaer, parents of Logan, a remarkable young man with a knack for making others feel “seen” and a deep desire to point people to Jesus. In May of 2022, just a few days after his high school graduation, Logan and a passenger died after he drove his car into a pond.   In today’s conversation, we delve deeper into the aftermath of that incident and...

As the days went by, it became more and more apparent that the chemotherapy Hannah was receiving was having very little, if any, effect.  Her oncologist had been searching for a clinical trial or experimental treatment that we could try, but her consistently low platelet levels made her ineligible for any trials.  There was nothing to do medically but continue on the path we were on. Her earthly f...

The long-awaited new season of American Idol was now underway, and as always, our family life began to revolve around watching the bi-weekly and sometimes tri-weekly episodes.  This particular season included a young singer from Conway, Arkansas, named Kris Allen.  Hannah spotted him in the first episode ... after all, he was from Arkansas, he was talented, and he was super cute!  Naturally, he be...

Kurt and Denette Schaer are the parents of three sons, including Logan, a young man with a knack for making others feel “seen” and a deep desire to point people to Jesus. In May of 2022, just a few days after his high school graduation, Logan and a passenger died after he drove his car into a pond, leaving the Schaers with a multitude of unanswered questions.  Central to their journey has been the...

At some point during that year, I began to carry Hannah's red laptop with me on every trip to Children's Hospital.  This laptop had been a surprise birthday gift for her back in October ... made even more special because all of our extended family contributed toward its purchase.  Unfortunately, she had only a brief window of time that she was able to use it herself due to her vision iss...

Just a couple weeks prior to a family gathering, the four of us had watched the movie "Facing the Giants" together.  We had seen it before, when it was in the theaters, but when we watched the DVD at home during this season of our lives, the movie seemed to take on new meaning.  The overarching themes of God's sovereignty in the uncertainties of life, never giving up, and facing our...

We were loved so well during Hannah's year-long cancer journey.  My "summary" email from the day before prompted a virtual flood of emails filled with prayers, well wishes, encouraging words, and above all ... love.  Even now, sixteen years later, I don't have the words to express how much the emails, cards, letters, gifts, phone calls, texts, etc., meant to our family as we wa...

Today's episode is a continuation of my conversation with Courtney Mount, whose daughter Millie died from neuroblastoma cancer in July of 2020.   Courtney is a homeschooling mom of nine, a blogger, a freelance writer, and the author of the children's book "Millie Finds her Miracle" and the "Embracing a Miracle" devotional journal.  Her latest book is titled “She Died,...

Do you remember playing the Telephone Game when you were a kid?  It was best played with a large group of kids sitting in a circle.  The first kid would think of a sentence (the longer the better) and whisper it into the ear of the kid sitting next to him, and so on.  By the time it went all the way around the circle, the result was inevitably quite different than the original sentence which start...

Hannah's appetite was good at this point, probably stimulated by the steroids, and she still enjoyed going out to eat.  With her poor vision and motor skills, it was a bit of a challenge getting her in and out of restaurants ... but if she wanted to go, we took her.  On this particular day, it was Macaroni Grill, and she enjoyed her favorite dish -- Penne Rustica.  Thank you for joining me fo...

At this point, I rarely went anywhere other than back and forth to Children's Hospital every other day.  I was no longer working, I was unable to attend church, and even my trips to Walmart were rare.  As Hannah's motor skills and vision began to decline, Brad began to accompany us more and more often on our trips to Little Rock to assist with transporting her. Thank you for joining me f...

When I was a little girl, sitting in my Sunday School class in the basement of First Baptist Church of Phillips, Wisconsin, I learned all about the Israelites wandering in the wilderness for forty years, and how God gave them manna to eat. Our teacher described manna as little wafers that tasted like honey. I remember wishing I could taste manna, because I knew I would like it. Anything that taste...

I’m excited to welcome another return guest to the podcast today, my friend Courtney Mount, whose daughter Millie went to Heaven in July of 2020 following a battle with neuroblastoma cancer.  Courtney is a homeschooling mom of nine, a blogger, a freelance writer, and the author of the Millie Finds her Miracle collection.  Her latest book is titled "She Died, I Didn't:  A Mother's St...

The increasing intracranial pressure impacted Hannah's pupils, making it impossible for her to read or do anything that required close-up vision, such as text on her phone or look at social media.  She was able to see the television fairly well, so when she was awake, we generally passed the time watching TV.  The one time of day she always seemed to be awake was early evening when Wheel of F...

The remainder of that brief hospital stay passed in a blur.  The sudden roller-coaster plunge of the last couple of days had taken a toll on us.  The news that the "very faint stuff" seen in the area of the original tumor on Hannah's MRI from just three weeks ago was now "regrowth of cancer cells" had left us reeling ... especially after being told that everything was stab...

We woke up that morning with a renewed hope that maybe ... just maybe ... the treatments were working.  Maybe all the increased issues we'd been seeing weren't actually signs she was leaving us, but just side effects of the chemo.  After all, her MRI was good! Then came the body blow.  Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the While We're Waiting podcast in this year...