While We're Waiting® - Hope After Child Loss

Brad and I returned home from the Respite Retreat still basking in the glow of the new relationships we'd formed, the things we'd learned from spending time with other bereaved parents, and a renewed hope that it was still possible to have joy in life in spite of our great loss.  We had a strong sense that God was calling us into a similar type ministry for those who had lost children, b...

Even though I didn't really want to go, and this thing was way outside my comfort zone, Brad and I signed up for the Respite Retreat scheduled for Labor Day Weekend in September of 2010.  We couldn't have known at the time what a profound impact it would have on our lives.   Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode in this series in which I’ve been sharing our family’s experien...

During the final days of Hannah's life, many people dropped by the hospice center and left books, gifts, food, and other items for our family.  These kindnesses were so greatly appreciated. Most of these gifts were accompanied by a card indicating who had given them.  But one gift, a book called "Holding On To Hope" by Nancy Guthrie, was accompanied by a card signed only with the in...

Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode in this series in which I’ve been sharing our family’s experiences in the last year of our daughter Hannah’s life, which spanned from February 2008 through February 2009.  This series would not be complete without a discussion of the ministry which developed out of Hannah’s homegoing.  If you’ll indulge me for a few more bonus episodes, I’d like t...

Today’s episode features a conversation with my friend Nanette Klinect.  We discuss the beautiful and miraculous story of her daughter Katie’s adoption, the tragic accident that changed everything, and the hard and holy privilege she had to walk her home to Heaven. With honesty, faith, and even a touch of humor, Nanette reflects on grief, healing, and the ways she continues to see God's hand...

There never really was any question where Hannah's body would be buried.  There's a beautiful cemetery in Briggsville, Arkansas, where the Sullivan family farm is located.   Hannah spent many happy days at the farm ... hunting, riding 4-wheelers, and just hanging out with her cousins. Occasionally, we would stop at that cemetery and visit the graves of her great grandparents and other re...

Hannah's life was celebrated at First Baptist Church in Hot Springs on this date sixteen years ago.   We had two goals for the service -- to honor Hannah's life and to point people to Jesus. I remember stepping into the church building feeling so very raw and exposed.  Even though Hannah's death was not a surprise, it was a shock, and I was very much still reeling from effects of th...

As I've been looking back through all the emails passing back and forth between the newspaper, our friends and family, the church staff, etc., that went on in those days immediately following Hannah's homegoing, I'm struck by how "together" I appeared to be.  My communication skills were intact and I was generally coherent, but I remember none of it. Thank you for joining...

Most families don't have the opportunity to prepare for their child's death the way we did.  We had known for a year that Hannah's cancer could be fatal, and even though we prayed earnestly for earthly healing, we knew from the beginning that God may choose to heal her in Heaven.  And, of course, we eventually reached the point where we knew her death was a certainty unless He drama...

Today's episode is a continuation of my conversation with Erik and Susan Totera about their daughter Reilly, an amazing young woman with a strong entrepreneurial spirit, who went to Heaven a little over two years ago.  Today, they share how they are navigating the waves of grief, how their perspectives have shifted, and how they continue to find strength from the Lord in the face of sorrow. T...

I woke with a start sixteen years ago today.  I had slept for several hours without interruption, which had not happened in a long time.  It scared me, and I immediately jumped up to check on Hannah.  She had slept all night, and was still sleeping.  She looked different somehow; better, in fact.  She was sleeping in a more naturally relaxed position and her color seemed to be improved.  Brad came...

The entire time we were at the hospice center had a distinct air of unreality.  The fact that we had reached the point where we were re-living the anniversaries of the events which had brought us to this place just added to that sense of illusion.  Surely this wasn't happening to our family.  Surely this was all some kind of crazy dream.  Surely Hannah was going to be fine.  But no ... there...

It's a very surreal thing to write an obituary for your own child.  It's even more surreal when your child is sitting beside you as you write it. After Hannah's doctor confirmed that there was nothing else medically that could be done for her and that unless God intervened in a miraculous way she would be going to Heaven soon, I decided to begin making preparations for her funeral. ...

It’s one of the most ancient of all questions, “Why does a good God allow people to suffer in this world?  I discuss three options in my email from sixteen years ago today.   Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the While We're Waiting podcast in this year-long series in which I share our family’s experiences as our teenage daughter Hannah battled glioblastoma brain cancer fr...

On this day sixteen years ago, Hannah received two surprise phone calls, both from well-known musicians who had played a significant role in her life.  Each of them spoke words of encouragement and and gave us special memories with Hannah that we will always treasure.   Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the While We're Waiting podcast in this year-long series in which I sh...

Many people came to visit us when we were in the hospice center, but only a few actually got to see Hannah during that time. She was never one to like a lot of attention even before she got sick, and I knew she would not be comfortable with visitors, especially in her condition.  We wanted to protect her dignity as much as possible; therefore, only the people we knew she would really want to see w...

You may recall that on Hannah's last day at Children's Hospital before we moved to hospice, some dear friends brought us a box of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Hannah ate a couple bites of one, but let us know with her limited communication skills that it wasn't as good as a spudnut.  Now, if you're wondering what in the world a "spudnut" is, let me fill you in. In El Dorad...

Today, I have the privilege of speaking with Erik and Susan Totera, who I met when they attended one of our While We're Waiting Weekends in eastern Tennessee.  They join me to share the story of their own personal testimony of second chances, as well as the story of their daughter Reilly ... a remarkable young woman who was blessed with creativity and an entrepreneurial spirit ... and we disc...

I'm not gonna lie ... When we got to the hospice center and found out there was no wifi, I may have freaked out just a little. The emails and messages we received daily from so many wonderful people had become such a part of our lifeline it was hard to imagine being cut off from them.  And writing my daily emails was actually playing a role in keeping me sane.  Leaving Hannah's side to g...

Brad and I moved a lot during the early years of our marriage ... College, graduate school, first job, second job, etc.  Even after the girls were born, we continued to move frequently.  Moving is always stressful, yet there's usually excitement involved too ... a new house, new neighborhood, new friends.  We were used to moving and all that came along with it.  But today we faced an entirely...

This day began with Hannah nibbling a Krispy Kreme doughnut and ended with us making decisions about how we wanted to spend our final days with her.   Thank you for joining me for another bonus episode of the While We're Waiting podcast in this year-long series in which I share our family’s experiences as our teenage daughter Hannah battled glioblastoma brain cancer from February 2008 through...

**WARNING** - This post is fairly graphic and could be upsetting to some.  If you are sensitive to discussions of blood, you may wish to skip it.   On this date sixteen years ago today, we found ourselves racing to Arkansas Children's Hospital emergency room in the wee hours of the morning.  Hannah's low platelet levels were the culprit, and after a brief stay in the emergency room, we w...

It was Valentine's Day.  Exactly one year had passed since Hannah had shown the first symptoms of the brain tumor which was now slowly taking her life.  It had been a roller-coaster year full of MRIs, needle sticks, radiation treatments, chemotherapy, hair loss, platelet infusions, and hospital stays.  We had watched our daughter go from a vibrant, healthy 16-year-old with high academic aspir...

It was Friday, and time for the junior high Valentine dance, and even though Bethany had been out of school since Tuesday, she had made plans to attend.  Since Brad was available to be home with Hannah, I was able to spend the day with her.  We already had her dress, and I enjoyed taking her to get her hair and make-up done that afternoon at my regular salon.  She had plans to ride to the dance wi...

Today's episode is a continuation of my conversation with Shawn and Sandy Smith about their son Andrew—a joy-filled boy with a love for music—who went to heaven in 2009 after a courageous battle with DIPG.  Today, we look at what life has been like over the sixteen years since Andrew went home to Jesus.  In this episode, Shawn and Sandy open up about how they’ve learned to carry their loss, w...