Where Do We Go From Here?

Join our January Book Club for $9/month In January we start reading Beyond Shame by Matthias Roberts, so we remixed our last conversation with him for you today. With the wisdom and compassion of a therapist, Matthias talks to us about the building blocks of healthy sexuality. Jess & Devi round out the conversation by talking about how we can find common ground with people with whom we might disag...

All December 2020 we are revisiting our earlier episodes from season 1. Should we use the word "sexual purity" or is there a better way to talk about our sexuality as Christians? Jess and Devi chat today about how beliefs have evolved (or not) in the past year. Would we say the same thing now as we did last year?  Are words like "virginity" and "sexual purity" the best ways to talk about the human...

She's gone from "It's a love story/ Baby just say yes," to "I think I've seen this film before/ and I didn't like the ending." What does Taylor Swift's music mean for Christians and people leaving Purity Culture? Dr. Kutter Callaway joins us to talk pop culture, how we interpret music, skills we need to be better discerners of popular culture, and even what it means to be an image bearer of God. T...

Erika from Canada joins us today to talk about how she figured out sexual ethics as a teen and young adult. She came from a non religious household and continues to be non religious, but her ideas about sexual ethics are not what you've seen in the movies. Erika takes us through her thoughtful choices and helps us see how we can intentionally make decisions about our sexual ethics.  To hear our fu...

Rachel Joy Welcher's new book Talking Back to Purity Culture: Rediscovering Faithful Christian Sexuality   takes on the heavyweights of publishing past. Didn't like I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Wild at Heart, And the Bride Wore White? This book goes into the many problems with the books of purity culture past while also focusing on the tender ground we walk on moving forward in sexual ethics. We talk...

Abortion is a conversation about women's bodies, and it is part of the conversation about sexual ethics. Today we connect the dots between Purity Culture rhetoric and abortion. Andrea Lucado joins us to discuss her op-ed, How the female body became a scapegoat for white evangelicals . Listen to our full conversation with Andrea for $3/month on Patreon Full show notes here Talk to us on Instagram a...

Are you single in church and wondering if you should ask someone out or waiting for someone to ask you out? The stakes feel high, but you're looking for connection. You're tired and wondering how and when this is going to happen. Dallas Pastor JD Rodgers asked the question on his Instagram account,  Why aren't Christian guys asking Christian girls out? You had big thoughts about his assumptions, s...

You're not the only one who expected to marry the first person they dated. Lots of evangelical teens raised in Purity Culture did. There was no talk on how to break up. No advice on what to do after you got dumped by someone you loved. We start to undo that today by talking about the personal side of breakups - what to do when a relationship ends, how can "metabolizing your trauma" help, and what...

Do you despair when you look at the state of the world and the church today? Let our deep dive into the life of Josephine Butler give you courage. This extraordinary English woman was born into wealth and privilege in 1828 but spent decades of her life working to reform English society. She was a social worker, a government activist, and legal reformer. Josephine Butler campaigned for decades to g...

"We are more than walking pelvises, but we need our pelvises to walk," says Sophia McLean. We talk about pelvic health, the connection between painful sex and purity culture, and the significance of a faith that is embodied. To hear our full conversation with Sophia, join us for $3/month on Patreon.   Talk to us on Instagram and Twitter   Full show notes here  Sophia McLean is a pelvic health phys...

The language we use to define the queer experience matters, and "same-sex attraction" does not cut it. Bridget Eileen Rivera goes into the history of the words "homosexual" and "same sex attraction" and explains why we need the LGBTQ+ community to use its words to define their experience. This is an expansive conversation about language and also about Bridget's experience as a lesbian Christian. T...

Knox McCoy reflects on male youth group culture and why we need to reconsider the evangelical approach to purity culture, and he shares how he has the conversation about masculinity and sex with his own children. We also talk about how the depiction of male and female sexuality has changed from Superbad in 2007 to Booksmart in 2019. Join the Ladies Night Book Club here   Knox McCoy began podcastin...

Trigger warning: Episode contains references to rape and sexual assault.   The #MeToo movement isn't just about the Harvey Weinsteins of the world. It's also about Christians leaders in positions of power who wield  that power for evil. Pastor, author, and speaker Ruth Everhart survived an assault and dealt with an abusive senior pastor in her early days as an associate pastor. After decades of mi...

Get ready to learn today from Faitth Brooks and Kathryn Freeman about what it's like to navigate the world as a single, Black, Christian woman. We talk about purity culture, dating and dating apps, and evangelical perceptions of what makes a "good" woman.    Use this episode as a tool to better understand your African American friends and as a tool as you navigate interracial relationships even if...

Or is there even an after? K.J. Ramsey writes in her book This Too Shall Last , that "this is not a before and after story," because maybe the secret to grief is that we carry it with us as we flow through life. Maybe the secret is not a secret. It is our bodies, gifted, endowed by God with tools to help us move from alarm to calm and panicked to peaceful. We continue the conversation about ambigu...

You know when you feel crazy and wonder, "Is it me?" Spoiler alert: IT'S NOT YOU. We invite you to examine these situations to find the unnamed grief that may lie beneath the crazy. Whether it is prolonged singleness, impending divorce, multiple childhood moves, or scheduling a wedding during a pandemic, we all experience losses that have no closure. We investigate Dr. Pauline Boss' groundbreaking...

Ahhh the wild world of app dating! We're here to start untangling this way of dating by debunking some myths. Is it safe? How do you know if someone is who they say they are? Is app dating only about sex? And what does one do about the dreaded dick picks? Jess and Coach Leo Tabibzadegan talk about it all.  And if you enjoyed this conversation, there's another 40 minutes of tips and stories on The...

One in three women look at porn, but when it comes to the church, you would think it's only a "male problem." Today we talk about women and porn with our guide, Alice Taylor . We talk about the way porn is kept a shameful secret, what to do when you lapse, and how to find freedom. Share this episode with the women in your life and get those conversations started.  Alice Taylor is a passionate advo...

*Trigger warning: This episode contains references to sexual assault.  Comedian John Crist made his return to public comedic work last week with an "apology" video. We talk about the allegations levelled against him by five women in November 2019 after which Netflix canceled his special and WaterBrook & Multnomah canceled his book. We discuss: How does Purity Culture influence the way we talk abou...

If you wonder what progressive sexual ethics can look like,  Matthias Roberts is here to open up the conversation. He speaks to us as a therapist and an author, but he's also a gay man who grew up in the trenches of evangelical purity culture. This episode is also a great starting point if you want to better understand your LGBTQ+ friends and relatives. In Ask Us Anything, Jess & Devi talk about ...

Are you tired of viewing the men and women in your life as potential mates or potential sexual temptations? In our sex-crazed world, is the church any different when it comes to male female relationships? Listen in to hear why men and women can be friends, supporters, and partners in building the world.   Full Show Notes Here Bronwyn Lea has been active for twenty years in vocational ministry, enc...

This conversation is for you if you've been single longer than you expected to be or know someone who wrestles with prolonged singelness. Katelyn Beaty gives us a candid glimpse into her journey from Wheaton to New York City, and the way her internal landscape changed from shame to freedom.   Katelyn Beaty is author of  A Woman's Place: A Christian Vision for Your Calling in the Offic e, the Home,...

Pastor Curtis Allen joined Covenant Life Church in Gaithersberg, Maryland as a young Black man and after he joined the majority white church, he discovered the dating culture to be...different. From the overuse of the "guard her heart" mantra to rooms divided in half with all men on one side and all women on the other side. It was a world saturated in the I Kissed Dating Goodbye courtship methodol...

Have you ever wanted to sit down with your mom or dad to talk about your life as a teenager? Jess went there. She and her mother, Caren, talk about what life in purity culture was like as a parent - what were the pressures on parents? What's it like to have your daughter publicly talking about your  parenting?  This is a warm but feisty mother daughter conversation that opens up the way parents an...

Today Lore Ferguson Wilbert is here to re-educate us on platonic touch. Listen in to hear why hugs, back scratches, and welcome platonic touch are a necessary part of being human.  Jess and Devi also get into how touch meant something to them both the good and the bad and what they've done in seasons of their lives when there weren't people around to touch. Get all the links in the show notes here...