What the HELL Were You Thinking?

The Tiny Penis of the Republican Party said things that ostensibly should have had him run out of the state on a rail, or hung from a palmetto bug--and still he won. We are rapidly nearing the point where I have no choice but to conclude that his has sworn some kind of pact with the Great Old Ones and is actively working to rouse Dread Cthulhu from his slumber: Learn more about your ad choices. Vi...

n no way do I expect people to stop jumping on Jim J Bullocks 90 Day Juice Cleanse—is that guy even still alive?—or trying Tia Tequila’s new Six Exciting New Kegel Clenches, but this a person who has publicly said the Earth is flat and that fat people deserve to die but also she is a Super Soldier created by Nazi’s—so maybe you shouldn’t listen to her when she mentions anything about vaccines. If...

A lot of Lefties have the fire right now for a dick swinging Liberal firebrand to take Scalia’s place on the Court. Someone who would go in and just kick over every Conservative apple cart that comes before the court the same way Scalia did to us. Except, they are wrong. The BIGGEST insult to Scalia’s legacy in a moderate justice who would take a nuanced view on the issues and vote the merits of t...

FDR told us the only thing we had to fear to is fear itself, and here we are 80 years later terrified of it—because I cannot see why people are so fucking afraid. Crime is still down, the economy is stable, and terrorism is a legitimate threat but not an imminent one. If we are not at “peace” we are also not engaged in multiple wars with hundreds of thousands of troops deployed. Inflation is nomin...

We who do not care for the activities of millionaires who received preferential treatment all their lives due to an enhanced ability to carry a ball across a field, an activity so pointless it defies explanation. Could we not simply decide which end of the field we want the ball to be on, and leave it there? A lot of people are getting hurt trying to move a ball, and no one has even thought to che...

Stay tuned for the Jameson 80 Proof Prediction sadly NOT brought to you Jameson’s Irish whiskey, the official drink of the What the HELL Were You Thinking Podcast. Every time we slur, you’re hearing Jameson! Naturally the big story in the coming week is the New Hampshire Primary, when the people of New Hampshire all climb out of the snow caves and syruping shacks and head down to the nearest build...

Now, to say that my friends are split on the Hillary Bernie issue is something of an understatement. All of us are godless libtards pinko bastards sekert muslin terrorist sharia sympathizing Democrats. But we are heavily divided between HOW we want to oppress the God Fear Good Christian People of America! The Clinton Wing would prefer a graduated approach, incrementally stripping away people’s gun...

And if you are fan of or reality or just a decent human, these next two weeks are going to really hard for you. That’s why I am doing this Special Edition. Between tomorrow and next Tuesday, you are going to have really bad week because I am making the Jameson 80 Proof Prediction, I think Trump is going to win Iowa and New Hampshire Hold on hold on, wait, it gets worse, because I bet he wins South...

Iowa is too small, too rural and too white to even come close to reflecting the America these jackoffs running for office are even PRETENDING to represent. Hell, the Iowa Caucus doesn’t accurately represent IOWA! The voters, well not voters but the delegate representatives, must be physically present to be counted, no absentee ballots, so if you have a night job, or the tractor broke down on the b...

Weather is serious, weather REPORTING is NOT. Weather REPORTING is the hysterical response of glory seeking reporter wannabes who can take a mole hill of a storm turn into mountain of Oh Shit We’re All Gonna Die. Hurricane Sandy was a big fucking deal, and it fucked up the Eastern Seaboard—but from the hyperbolic reportage leading up to the storm, you would think we needed Bruce Willis on a space...

The last two Republican winners of the Iowa Caucus were Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum both of which went on to embarrassingly drop out . In any normal election year, Ted would be heading for a similar fate. But this year, there is a big, orange turd in the punchbowl and all of the sudden a rabid tea tard, grandiose self-promoter literally loathed by his party establishment is preferable to the a...

The Bundy Boys are emblematic for the entire Wingnut Wing of the Conservative Party in the country, they are not entirely sure what it IS they want, but they sure as hell know what they DON’T. And that is anything that comes out of Washington, except the occasional small business loan, federal disaster relief when range fires wipe out their homes, jobs at the dead alien storage facilities with gre...

I guess what I am saying is the new Star Wars movie is more than just a movie, indeed the old Star Wars movies were as well. They touched something in all of us that connects with our deeply troubled childhoods and all the broken and bitter disappointments we feel toward our parents and our lives—when we sit in the theater watching a note for note recreation by JJ Abrams he is not looting our chil...

2016 will actually be CRAZIER, and probably hotter than 2015. Nothing will change, nothing will be done to fix anything, we will continue to ignore our problems and focus on the inane, the pointless and the self interesting while our country and the world, slowly sinks into a morass of its filth and stupidity, but at least I will have show topics for the podcast. And that is all that is really imp...

“Where is the big redemption, that moment where our host wakes up after being visited by the Three Ghosts who show him how much Christmas really means?” you are in for a BIG disappointment. Life is NOT a He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special where even Skeletor learns a valuable lesson? Yeah, you don't get one of those." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The bulk of Trump supporters are also under educated, under employed, under served by their government and under the spell of religion. They are the forgotten Americans, a group of people left in the dust of progress like a Palm Pilot in an iPhone age. Imagine what it’s like from their perspective, things LOOK familiar, all the buttons are there, but somehow they just can’t seem to figure out what...

When politicians SAY they are praying for the victims of crime like this, chances are they probably aren’t so much praying for the victims as praying to God thanking them for another safety check on the elected office. After all, did not the Human Yeast Infection that is the Republican Front Runner actually Tweet that the shooting would give him a bump in his poll numbers. And while the orange ski...

I think it’s ironic that the group of people most likely to be shoved in a locker with our undergarments wedged so far up our asscracks we could taste the fruit on our looms has devolved into the most destructive and vicious group of bullies on the Internet. People who once yearned to be accepted now circle like a pack of angry jocks over a dropped book bag full of Monster Manuals around someone f...

Because we’ve recently learned our show is, for some unexplained reason, slightly more popular in Norway than the rest of the world-- we thought we would take a minute to explain some American Pop Culture References you’ve probably seen on the Internet but do not understand. Sit back, have a lutefisk and let us explain the American Phenomena of the Drunk Uncle! Learn more about your ad choices. Vi...

very time a Conservative launches into a tirade about refugees, immigrants or radicals, if you hear the words “People I find scary” you will be exactly right. Conservatism is a culture of fear, and fear breeds hate, and hate breeds more terror in an endless loop. I would rather run the miniscule risk of dying in a terror attack than see the Constitution torn up and used to wipe Trump’s ass so he c...

I’ve noted before certain aspect of the PC Culture worked wonders, and thinking about the words you say and the things you do as the impact others is ALWAYS the right thing. But intolerance for the sake of tolerance is the opposite of tolerance it’s hypocrisy. No one expects you to LIKE bigots, racists, Republicans and NASCAR fans--you can say terrible things about them in a podcast until your hea...

Off year elections rarely go well for the party in the White House, but since the election of 2008 the Democrats have lost 900 State Legislature seats, 12 governorships, 69 house seats and 13 Senate Seats, that is not mention all the dog catchers and sewer commissionerships that turned over. When you look at a map of the country and overlay the electoral composition of their governments it looks l...

History is not just a class I got stoned in during high school, it’s important because it reminds of the stupid shit we’ve already done, so that MAYBE we don’t do it again. This is exactly the same reason I keep this inflatable Margaret Thatcher Sex Doll autographed by Reagan I bought on ebay one night while shitfaced. If you keep it sitting there next to the computer, you might slow down a second...

Hell, I am not even talking about pot arrests, come on arresting someone for selling pot is like arresting someone for selling Girl Scout Cookies! Mean spirited and pointless because Edna in accounting buys thirty boxes and is always willing to help you score! Edna has the been Samoan, tell her Dave sent you, she will hook you UP! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoice...

The What the Hell Were You Thinking Podcast is brought to you this week by Reality Check. Reality Check is a simple service that sends a Sixth Grade Science Teacher, Dolores Krutheimer to the homes people who believe in things proven wrong and whacks them with a ruler. Dolores, a retired teacher from Sioux Falls South Dakota has irrefutably proven the truth of such things a Climate Change, Evoluti...