Christian, Dion and Josh

Welcome To Patchwork

Comedy EN ↓ 180 episodes

**Nominated for 'Best Comedy' at the Australian Podcast Awards 2018 & 2019**Have you ever wondered if it’s acceptable to bring food to someone's house and take it back home if no one has eaten it? Well if you have, then you’re in good company. Christian, Dion and Josh are Welcome to Patchwork: An Australian comedy podcast that thinks too hard about the monotony of life. By debating the obvious, challenging social conventions and improvising sketches, we're more concerned with the crumbs than the cookie.

Author

Christian, Dion and Josh

Category

Comedy

Latest episode

Jun 30, 2026

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Episodes

Patch #34 - How Long Should You Keep A Birthday Card? ft. Andy Lee [Patchwork Classic] 01.10.2020

This episode originally aired on 24 October 2018. Featuring Andy Lee from the Hamish & Andy duo, discussing blinking in photos, birthday cards and the Andy-pasto. With very special guests Forgive Me Father, Mr Minute and Really Good. Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get an extra mini-patch every-second week and get access to behind-the-scenes videos. Visit htt...

Patch #4 - The Watermelon Diaries [Patchwork Classic] 24.09.2020

This episode originally aired on 16 April 2017. Dion’s messy car, using the bathroom at work, talking to strangers, the holy trinity of Watermelon stories, eating food from stranger’s plates, stealing from supermarkets and dictators. With very special guests Really Good and New School Courtyard. Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get an extra mini-patch...

Patch #25 - Curry, No Hurry [Patchwork Classic] 17.09.2020

This episode originally aired on 11 April 2018. The Highs and Lows of Josh's Great Social Experiment, Murphy's Buttered Toast, the Future of Cigarette Packaging and Part 1 of another Christian epic, 'Curry, No Hurry.' With very special guests, Really Good, Oh Wow and Trent's Rooibos Challenge . Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy inf...

Patch #69 - What Should A Tea Towel Be Used For? 14.07.2020

Josh grows weary of Christian's incorrect use of tea towels. What should you store under your bed? Should you leave the fridge door open or closed when making multiple trips to the kitchen bench? Recounting things your parents forced you to do as kids.  With very special guests, Hi Team, Nursery Rhymes, Copy Cat and What's Your Favourite (Type of Flooring)? Support the show: https://www.patre...

Patch #68 - Is It A Waste To Order Tea From A Cafe? 30.06.2020

Should you sit in the front seat when riding in an uber? When does a stranger stop being a stranger? Should you ever order tea at a cafe? Patch 68 was recorded live as part of our At Home With Patchwork YouTube Live series. With very special guests Oh Wow and Soundcheck (Australian Gameshow Hosts). Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy...

Patch #67 - How Much Should You Tidy Up Before A Guest Arrives? 16.06.2020

Lasagna, plate or bowl? How much should you clean up before a guest arrives? And Dion battles for corporate justice with another Rooibos Challenge. Patch 67 was recorded live as part of our At Home With Patchwork YouTube Live series. With very special guests Copy Cat (clearing your throat) and Hi Team. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for pri...

Patch #66 - What Do You Consider When Describing Yourself? 02.06.2020

Christian is roasted by Josh for his attempts to get 'cosy'; finding an answering to the question, 'tell me a bit about yourself?' and we discuss our chopping skills. Patch 66 was recorded live as part of our At Home With Patchwork YouTube Live series. With very special guests Patchword Of The Day and Soundcheck.    Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystu...

Patch #65 - How Many Lollies Can You Take From A Reception Desk Bowl? 19.05.2020

How long can you leave left overs in the fridge? What are the justifications for having a big night? Should you take lollies offered to you at a reception desk? Do you need to ask permission? Patch 65 was recorded live as part of our At Home With Patchwork YouTube Live series.  With very special guests Oh Wow and a fun new game, Soundcheck.  Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welc...

Patch #64 - Do Your Socks Need To Match? 05.05.2020

Patch 64 was recorded live as part of our At Home With Patchwork YouTube Live series. Josh recounts his unique birthday party experience; how much effort do you put into coordinating your clothes? do you bring your shopping inside in one trip? With very special guests Copy Cat and of course Really Good.   Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/lis...

YouTube Live Patch: How Should You Handle A Phone Call Drop Out? 03.05.2020

Due to the cancellation of the 2020 Melbourne International Comedy Festival and consequentially, our live shows, we decided to record a very special show via YouTube Live on April 26. If you want to WATCH this special Patch, head to our YouTube channel via youtube.com/welcometopatchwork . Who has the responsibility of calling back if a phone call drops out? Do you need to correct a typo in a text...

Patch #63 - Should You Shower In The Morning Or At Night? 07.04.2020

Josh takes it upon himself to give himself a nickname; should you shower in the morning or at night; measuring the space inside of a bag; taking the bin out at the end of the week and enjoying a little sip.    With very special guests Really Good, Scrolling Through Time, Oh Palau and Problem, No Problem. Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get an extra mini...

Patch #62 - Should You Put Clothes Back On A Hanger After Trying Them On? 24.03.2020

Can you buy a gift for a baby that it can't use immediately? Should you put clothes back on a hanger after trying them on? Should you listen to the music of a gig you're about to go to? With very special guests Really Good, "Hi Team" and "Your Favourite". Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get an extra mini-patch every-second week and get access to behind-the-scenes...

Patch #61 - At What Level Should You Refill Someone's Glass Of Water? ft. Tony Martin 10.03.2020

Episode 1 of Season 5 features the hilarious Tony Martin. We discuss where it's permissible to park when visiting a friend's home; preparing acceptance speeches for an award and the politics of refilling other people's glasses of water at a restaurant. With the return of Mr Minute, Forgive Me Father and Really Good.  You can listen to Tony Martin's Sizzletown through your favourite podcast ap...

Patch #60 - Season 4 Retrospective (Part 2) 04.02.2020

It's the final Patch of Season 4 and we can't wait to get away from your clingy little ears! Christian confronts Dion about a recent phone call; we dissect if a text message is enough to dismiss the burden of communication; driving in convoys; how should you walk past someone who is seated at an event and another story from Nonno's Vege Patch. With very special guests Oh Wow, Copy Cat and House Mu...

Patch #60 - Season 4 Retrospective (Part 1) 21.01.2020

Looking back through the eyes of Season 4, Christian, Dion and Josh discuss sitting at communal tables; having someone comment on your haircut; Johnny from Cardiff; Patchword Of The Day and a Rooibos Challenge. Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get an extra mini-patch every-second week and get access to behind-the-scenes videos. Visit https://linktr.ee/welcometopat...

Patch #59 - Can You Ask Staff At A Venue To Charge Your Phone? ft. Sammy J 07.01.2020

Our very special guest this episode is the multi-talented Australian comedian and composer, Sammy J. Do venues need to cater for customers who need their phones charged? Do you prefer to read a number or have it read to you? Do you have a distinct strategy for buffets?  With Scrolling Through Time, Forgive Me Father and Really Good.  Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can...

Patch #58 - A Very Patchwork Christmas 2019 22.12.2019

Christian reflects on his Christmas Party Escape Room; Josh wonders whether a bill should be split evenly in all circumstances; and Dion seeks tree decoration advice.  Featuring Ho Ho of the Week, a Christmas Radio Announcement and Timmy Visits Santa 2019.  Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get an extra mini-patch every-second week and get access to behin...

Patch #57 - Should You Offer Your Bed To An Overseas Guest? 10.12.2019

How much hospitality should you show an overseas guest? Under what circumstances can you ask to stay in someone's house whilst travelling? How many hands should you eat a burger with?  Featuring Really Good, Plate or Bowl and Copy Cat. Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get an extra mini-patch every-second week and get access to behind-the-scenes videos. Visit...

Patch #56 - Does A Long Message Require An Equally Long Response? 26.11.2019

Do you need to be pleasant to friends you've bumped in to if you're in a rush? Do long messages always require proportionately long responses? When do you need to give up your seat on public transport? Featuring Really Good and a very special advert from Solymar Pioneers. Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get an extra mini-patch every-second week and get access to...

Patch #55 - Is It Better To Leave A Small Tip Or No Tip At All? 12.11.2019

Should you always close the door when you're in the toilet? Do dinner plans require a time and venue to be officially confirmed? Is it better to leave a small tip or no tip at all?  With very special guests Scrolling Through Time and Josh finds The Drop. Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get an extra mini-patch every-second week and get access to behind-the-sc...

Patch #54 - Should You Clean Up Whilst Cooking Or After The Meal? 15.10.2019

Christian, Dion and Josh dream about their dream change room, discussing the dynamics of group conversation, Josh gets in character and finds the drop, Dion adds another chapter to his search for the perfect barber and finally should you clean up while cooking or after the meal? With very special guests Oh Wow and Really Good. Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get...

Patch #53 - What Do You Owe Someone Who Gives You A Lift? 01.10.2019

Would you share your lottery winnings? How about if the ticket was bought for you? Can you refuse to lend a book to a friend? Do you owe anything to the person giving you a lift? With very special guests Scrolling Through Time and Really Good. Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get an extra mini-patch every-second week and get access to behind-the-scenes videos. Vis...

Patch #52 - Should You Cut Off Someone Who Is Repeating A Story? 17.09.2019

Dion freezes under the pressure of an overflowing beer; cutting off someone who is repeating a story; Christian picks a fresh story from Nonno's Vege Patch and Dion's European Rooibos Challenge. With special guests Oh Wow and Really Good. Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get an extra mini-patch every-second week and get access to behind-the-scenes videos. Visit ht...

Patch #51 - Can An Object Save Your Spot In A Line? 03.09.2019

Can you let yourself into someone's house? Can a personal item save your place in a queue? And how long can you leave that item there before you lose your spot? Will you pay for an audio guide at a gallery?    With special guests, Plate Or Bowl?, Sneezing Through Time and Really Good. Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get an extra mini-patch every-second...

Patch #50 - How Many Chips Should You Take From A Packet Offered To You? 20.08.2019

Dion reflects on 50 episodes with his favourite barber. How many chips should you take from a packet offered to you? Can you use the milk from a communal kitchen for cereal? With special guests, Scrolling Through Time, Forgive Me Father and Really Good. Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get an extra mini-patch every-second week and get access to behind-the-scenes v...

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