Welcome To Patchwork

We discuss if it's ok to simply hang up a phone call while it's ringing, or if you should let it ring out to be polite. Christian thinks that under no circumstance can you hang up and he takes us through his '4 ring classification system'. We also delve into what kind of activities are permitted to be undertaken while waiting for your food delivery to arrive. Dion apparently loves to do a bit of a...

Christian picks a bone with Josh's tuneless whistling. We discuss what we've been up to since lockdown has lifted here in Melbourne. Number one post lockdown activity on Dion's list was a hair cut - is that weird? I rekon it's a bit weird. Christian is desperate to get into a store and sit on a couch as he seeks to furnish his new place and Josh just wants to do the boring thing of 'socialising' -...

How confident are you in being that first person to put their hands together at the end of a performance? It's a big risk, what if you get it wrong? They'll boo you out of the theatre, probably. We also critique those pointless empty gestures like pretending to pick something up that's fallen over when you have absolutely no intetion at all to follow through. Why would you bend over like a chump w...

We talk animal shelters, flat tyres and delivery estimate etiquette. Josh clumisly wades into dog eugenics while Christian can't stop talking about sexy dogs.   We also go deep on dip. Should the foil stay or go once the seal has been broken? We just can't decide, what do you rekon? We also discover that Dion has shocking sour cream application technique.   With very special guests 'Wheel of Fortu...

"The boys are back in town, the boys are back in towwwnnnn." *sung to the tune of "Boys Are Back In Town".   While we've been hating our lives in lockdown, Dion's been gardening and ruminating on what could've been if he'd ever got a job at Bunnings. We give some advice to a Patreon in need whose housemate is taking way too much credit for recommending she try oat milk. We also tackle the age old...

Hello Patchworkers, it's been too long! Sorry for not communicating clearly with you as to what's been going on with the show. The short version is: 'it's been a bit shit during lockdown here in Melbourne, hasn't it?'. A juicy update for you all as we get back into it! Patchreons, keep an eye on the Patchreon feed for a big chat about how we've been feeling. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy...

'What is the purpose of the front porch light if not to be left on for members of the household currently out of the house!?' says Josh indignantly during this episode. He's sick of fumbling with his keys while Christian sits inside laughing at how much electricity he's saving. The trio also ponder what's required of both parties when someone turns up to your house before you're ready. We also set...

What is the etiquette surrounding after hours emails? Is there such a thing as an over-enthusiastic active listener? And Dion is shocked by Christian and Josh's reaction to seeing a mouse in their house - you won't believe what he says!  With very special guests 'Sound Check and of course 'Really Good'. Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us and get an extra mini-pa...

How do you apply sauce to your food? Are you a side or top saucer? Can you defer a house tour? What do you point out when giving someone a tour of your house? Whose responsibility is it to check pockets for tissues before a wash? Do you enjoy the feeling of a warm towel after a shower? With very special guests, Oh Wow, Mad Lifts and of course Really Good.    Want more Patchwork? For a fe...

Dion encourages thieves to steal his car; Josh takes a nap, fully clothed; we discuss the lengths we all go to when using up the last little bits of a product and we help another listener who calls in to the Patchwork Helpline. With very special guests, Copy Cat, and Wheel of Fortune Cookie. Also a new live show is announced - Melbourne Podcast Festival August 1st! Want more Patchwork? For a few d...

Josh and Christian argue over a dinner order that never came to fruition; what is your strategy for finding a car spot? what is your desert island vegetable? what prompts you to leave an online review?    With very special guests, Oh Wow and 'Nearly' Good.  Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

If you buy someone a lottery ticket and they win a prize, are you entitled to the rewards? Can you flip another person's phone over if it's distracting? Can you turn that same phone onto silent mode? Dion tells us the real story behind his Dad's Italian leather jacket swindle.    With very special guests, Welcome to the Ad Break, Quiet In The Library and, of course, Really Good. Support...

Josh calls out Dion's birthday hypocracy; how do you remember to say happy birthday to somone? What is your reaction to someone who uses a word you don't know? Plus we open the Patchwork Helpline for the very first time and see if we can help a Patchworker cross the line from client to friend with his physiotherapist.  With very special guests, Quick Quiz and Really Good. Support the show: ht...

Recorded LIVE on April 18, 2021 at Comedy Republic as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Is it acceptable to leave a live event early? What should you do if you stop next to someone you know at the traffic lights? What are you responsibilities to others when leaving a room? With very special guests, Oh Wow of the week, Scrolling Through Time, Wheel of Fortune Cookie, DJ Drop from...

Recorded LIVE on April 11, 2021 at Comedy Republic as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. What time does a host need to arrive to their event? Should you pause your conversation when a waiter begins to set your table? What's your favoutie style of chopping?  With very special guests, Oh Wow of the week, Forgive Me Father, Patchword of the Day and of course, your Really Goods!...

When you should you lay a napkin on your lap? What is the best approach to haggling? What is your favourite type of ice cube? With very specials guests: Welcome to the Ad Break and, of course, Really Good. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When do you need to respond to a group message? Are the circumstances when it is reasonable to swear? What are the worst items of clothing you are willing to wear out of the house? With special guests Wheel of Fortune Cookie, Sound Check (Australian Idol Contestants) and of course Really Good.   Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for priva...

Josh explores Christian and Dion's preferred placeholder names; we discuss our preferred strategy for cleaning a broken glass off the floor; Christian laments his walking speed. With special guests, Welcome to the Ad Break, Patchword of the Day and Really Good. We have 2 shows on at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival in April. Please search Welcome to Patchwork on the MICF website and buy...

Christian, Dion and Josh play Patchphrase; Dion has a Bone to Pick with Christian's personal use of the Patchwork social media accounts; not knowing when to use moisturiser; borrowing from the local library; when do you open windows?  With very special guests Copy Cat (Ghost Motorcycle), Wheel of Fortune Cookie and of course Really Good.  We're performing 2 LIVE SHOWS as part of this yea...

Josh invents an interesting workplace neumonic device; is it necessary to wear an apron whilst cooking? Is all kitchen protective-wear absolutely shocking? If someone asks you to pass on a 'hello' to your partner, do you? How do your parents react when you leave their house? With very special guests Just Quickly with Josh, Sound Checks (Australian Prime Ministers) and of course, Really Good. ...

If a third person arrives at an event, where should you sit them? Do you have a favourite stove-top burner? Dion takes Josh shopping for shoes. With very special guests Copy Cat , Fork or Spoon and of course Really Good .   Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Can food be flushed down the toilet? Where do you dispose of mouldy food? Is it possible to 'over-punctuate' your sentences? Does dinner need to be eaten at the kitchen table? With very special guests Oh Wow, Wheel of Fortune Cookies and Really Gouda. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Are you a good recycler? Do you request to takeaway your uneaten food from a restaurant? Why do sportspeople avoid looking directly into the camera? Are you comfortable maintaining eye contact with others?    With very special guests Nursery Rhymes, Scrolling Through Time and of course your Really Goods. Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/list...

Season 6 begins with a live recorded podcast for the Melbourne Fringe Festival! Are you particular about where things are left around the house? How do you react to cold water? Do you mind being wet? How much time should be spent preparing a snack?  Featuring special guests, Wheel Of Fortune Cookie, Hi Team and, of course, Really Good.  Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometo...

This episode originally aired on 20 September 2017.  Christian tells us about his ethnic upbringing (again), we revisit gift-giving, Josh hosts a houseparty, a sketch that didn't make the cut, Monotoly returns, Sah Great and a different take on 'Really Good' and a very special guest. Want more Patchwork? For a few dollars a month you can support us, get an extra mini-patch every-second week a...