We Have Darkvision

On this week’s episode of the Backstory to the Future arc Kroy kisses yet another opponent in the middle of a fight, Nubz teases a career as a horror-show seamstress and Bort pokes a guy’s skin off. It’s all pretty gross.

A Death Knight could not be more accurately named if it tried. It is a Knight that is dead and also it brings death. It is a Death Knight. But are they Friends or Fiends? Kyle and Alex learn all about Death Knights, their noble beginnings and their tragic ends. Also, they talk a a lot about Fire Emblem and ghosts. So give the episode a listen and then let us know what you think about the Death Kni...

On this installment of Backstory to the Future, Kroy longsteps his way through the monastery, Bort touches some gross, loose skin and Nubz takes command of her old ship’s new and unorthodox crew one final(?) time.

“It’s supercalifragilisticexpialidociousThat Flesh Umbrella DarkmantleIs really quite atrocious”– Dick Van Dyke probably The Darkmantle is clearly a squid, but you don’t need to go Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea to find it. Or any leagues at all for that matter. Once again Wizards of the Coast decided that an aquatic animal just lives in regular caves. So at least they’re being consistent....

On this installment of the Backstory to the Future arc, a dead body serves as the catalyst for a long lasting friendship. Kroy embraces his inner arsonist, Bort performs and old family tradition and Nubz contemplates leaving the pirate life behind.

“No, I don’t know about any…pancakes. What do pancakes have to do with anything?”-I have absolutely no idea what the context of this quote is, but I googled ‘Cyclops quotes’ and this popped up. Whatever it is though, it’s X-Men related Cyclops suffer from what we’re going to call ‘Joan Jett syndrome’. They have a bad reputation. But that’s mostly because they get mad when people steal things from...

This week Nubz relives her first attempt at leading a raid, Kroy works with his French twin to set up a heist at his old monastery and Bort, well Bort poisons himself a lot and we finally learn where Scrambles came from.

“The Addams Family started, when Uncle Fester Farted”-I mostly just wanted an excuse to type out ‘farted’, but I guess a Crawling Claw is just Thing anyway so it kind of fits.   The Crawling Claw definitely has one of the most unique names in the Monster Manual. Ok maybe that’s not true. But it does have the most unique… ummm, actually there is pretty much nothing unique about these little dudes a...

In part 2 of Backstory to the Future, The Gang confronts their past. Well, Bort doesn’t. Bort fights a boar and gets some body modification done. But Kroy is reunited with his old master and Nubz returns to her hometown… kind of.

“I’m half a bird,a snake that flies away. I don’t know where my soul is,I don’t know where my home is.”-Huh. Did you know that Nelly Furtado was a guardian of the gods? The Couatl is the most majestic creature we’ve covered on the show so far. It’s a colourful, benevolent snake-bird protector demi-god that will never lie to you and always has you best interests at heart. Which is nice because the...

In part 1 of the ‘Backstory to the Future’ arc, Nubz gets stuck in a time loop and Bort The Grappler actually does some grappling. They both find a treasure that they both individually deem ‘my precious’. Meanwhile Kroy heads back to his monastery and we inch closer to finding out just what the heck kind of felony he has committed. Is it backstory time? I think so.

The Cockatrice in D&D lore is nowhere near as cool as it should be. So Kyle did some extra research and we talk about the origins of the real cockatrice. Honestly, the best part about this episode is that we learned that a ‘Fart Egg’ is a real thing. But is the Cockatrice a friend or a fiend? Give the episode a listen and then let us know what you think.

This week Kroy tries to play some tricks on El Diablo and the Gex, Bort has his own mini crossover episode with Jurassic Park and Nubz (actually Alex) cries a little bit. Everyone gets mad at DM Kyle and they declare he is a sociopath. They might not be wrong.

“Come on feel the noizeCloakers eat your boys” Did you know this was a cover and not a Quiet Riot original? I sure as heck didn’t. But it’s fitting because Cloakers are basically covers too. “How does that even make sense Kyle?” you ask. I don’t know, it doesn’t really make sense. But Cloakers are just stingrays, so they’re like a cover version of a ray, and a Ray by any other name would smell as-...

This week, The Gang’s troubles get worse. Bort finds out who was calling his name, Nubz is being stalked by a sea monster and Kroy is stuck in a deal with El Diablo.

“With these hungry eyesOne look at Chuul and I can’t disguiseI’ve got hungry eyesI feel the magic between Chuul and I”– Did you know Dirty Dancing was originally a horror movie? Hey kids, get out your bibs and hop in the van! I hope you’re hungry because we’re heading down to Red Lobster for their All-You-Can-Eat Chuul special! It’s only around for Halloween season, so cram that sweet, sweet crust...

“I can’t even do anything because I don’t have an orb” said Kroy. And that pretty much sums up this episode. Bort is in the abyss, Nubz makes an emergency exit and Kroy is stuck with El Diablo and the Gex. Nothing is going right for The Gang.

“It is dull, Son of Adam, to drink without eating,” said the Queen presently. “What would you like best to eat?”“The roasted corpse of my enemies. Or, failing that, Turkish Delight, please, your Majesty,” said Chimera. -From C.S. Lewis’ lesser known novel ‘The Lion, the Goat and the Dragon’   The Chimera is one of the most famous monsters from Greek mythology and that means Alex recognized it righ...

The Gang’s been split up. Nubz and Kroy are in the lighthouse dealing with the consequences of their actions (or rather, their inaction). Bort is spiraling out on the ocean. Honestly, this whole mission is a bit of a sinking ship and the Gex seem to have the upper hand.

“Carrion my wayward sonYou’ll be a feast when you are doneLay your weary head to restDon’t you cry no more”–Turns out this song is about eating the rotting corpse of your dead child. Man, Kansas is fucking dark. The Carrion Crawler is probably the grossest creature we’ve learned about so far. This Putrid Party Monster will haunt your dreams and make you rethink your feelings about bugs. And it doe...

This week The Gang tries to escape from the Gex headquarters in order to make it back to the lighthouse in time to help Raf. Also, everyone becomes a pirate for a bit.

“And that’s where the horsey stung meAnd I had a feverish dreamWith revenge and doubtTonight, we smoke them out You are ahead by a centaur-yYou are ahead by a centaur-yYou are ahead by a centaur-y”Little known fact: The Tragically Hip loved Centaurs Holy Smokes! Alex guessed right this week! She correctly named the creature we discuss. We’re all very proud of her, but also, it was a pretty easy on...

Bort and Kroy go through a roller coaster of emotions before being reunited with Nubz. Then they tangle with a Gex sympathizer and Bort barfs. Again.

“Because I’m bad, I’m bad come onYou know I’m bad, I’m bad come on, you knowYou know I’m bad, I’m bad come on, you knowAnd the whole world has toAnswer right nowJust to tell you once againWho’s bad”–Michael Jackson was definitely singing about a Cambion. Because Cambions are bad. But also, I don’t know what any of the other lyrics are, so I could be wrong. Every week we ask ‘is this creature a fri...

It really seems like all of the Gang’s plans are going down the drain. Nubz has accidentally given El Diablo an incredibly powerful tool and Bort yarfs. A lot. Oh also, it looks like a lot of people are going to die in the very near future. Oops?