We Gauge Cage

Finally. The Croods. We made it, ladies and gentlemen! We've reached the top.  This movie was sorely needed after last episode's sorry fiasco excuse for a film.  Brian and Brock grabbed their toddlers and watched The Croods: A New Age, the sequel we didn't even know we wanted.  Before that, the boys talk about *shocker* poop. They draft their favorite Non-Disney/Pixar Animated Movie...

This movie is that 2020 was...An under-produced, lassez-faire, "Who gives a care," cluster**** of a film.  Make no mistake: This is not the least favorite Nic Cage film that the boys have ever watched. But this is the WORST film that the boys have ever watched.  Before jumping into this floppy, flaccid martial art film, Brock and Brian talk Pumpkin Patchin' and Apple Pickin' (t...

It's a wild one.  Brock and Brian discuss the finer points of owning a newly built, fully-haunted house.  They zig where they should've zagged and introduce an impromptu draft topic, appreciating beauty in its...mature form. And then the boys try to make heads or tails of this southern, periodic Confuser (as opposed to Thriller).  Enjoy.

Oh, ladies and gentlemen. This ain't your daddy's color out of space... That's right. The COoS is Loose! Brian and Brock fell into the proverbial (literal?) well of body horror and Cthuluian mindfluffery that is the latest film adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft's lovechild: The Color Out of Space.  Before that, they draft mash-ups. Food mash-ups. Food combinations. Combinations of f...

Are you ready to get wild? Are you ready to get feral? Are you ready to get...Primal? That's right. Brock and Brian watched the 2019 hunter/huntee/hunted thriller Primal. Are there guns? Yep. Does Nic attempt to speak a little Spanish? You betcha. Does someone get shot in the shoulder? Aww Hell Yeah! Before all that, Brian gives us the lowdown on new home ownership, and makes yard work sound...

It IS a Kill Chain! On this episode, Brian and Brock talk poop. It's always poop.  They shoop. They boop. They scoop the loop.  They draft Olympic Sports That They Enjoy To Watching.  And then they watch Kill Chain (2019), a gangster/hitman/assassin flick that is as confusing as it is forgettable.  They can only get better from here, right, folks?!? Let's get into it. 

You asked for it, you got it.  Brock and Brian plop down and Pig out. They drop down and Dig out. They have a super-duper draft. And then they talk through some of the finer points of the cocaine game in Nic Cage's 2019 drug-running....(I'm really struggling to find a word that isn't "thriller") movie-that-happened, "Running With the Devil." Let's get after...

Some might even say that Brian and Brock had their own...score...to settle.  Come on, gentleladies and even gentlermen! Admit it. You missed us! In a day that we thought would never come, your two favorite knucklehead co-hosts put aside their differences, plugged in their microphones, and decided to watch another Nic Cage "Castle-Period" film in an effort to decide whether he has the cap...

I gauge Cage. You gauge Cage. She gauge Cage. 'Cause We Gauge Cage, hey! This is it. We're officially done. Finished. Game over, man. Game over.  There are no more movies to watch. No more Cage to critique. No more gauging to be gathered. Pack up your notebooks and pencils, ladies and gentlemen. We're through.  You know, they really did it. They said they were going to do it, and th...

Although we've come, to the end of the road. Still I can't let go. It's unnatural. You belong to me. I belong to you.  Although we're done! No more watch-ing this chode! Still he's not good, no. It's just factual. He's just too crazy. But what can you do? You guys, we're doi-WE DID IT! We told you we were gonna do it, and we stuck to our guns, and we dug dee...

Every rose has its thorns. Just like every night has its dawn.  Just like every orchid...has a...has a guy who's like really obsessed with orchids, apparently.  Every rose has its thoooooorrrrrrnnnnnsssss!!! How's it going, flower f*ckers? Oh, I'm sorry. No flower f*cking for you today? Well too darn bad! Because this is the flower f*cking episode! That's right! Everyone's...

When there's someone strange, in your neighborhood? Who you gonna call? WeGaugeCage!...I ain't afraid of Nic Cage!* You guys...singing Taking Back Sunday is hard. Okay? Okay?!? It took us five takes. We're just two guys! So...if you can make it through the first three minutes of this one, then you'll find out that...it happened again. Your boys (and mine) met up together in per...

War! Huh! Yeah? What is it good for? Apparently driving backdoor illegal arms deals so that Nic can play a character named Yuri. Or absolutely nothing.  Or at least that's what the 2005 film Lord of War starring Nicolas Cage and Jared Leto would have us believe. It's a voice-over film about gun-runnin'. Hoo-wee! Not much more to discuss.  A perfect episode to discuss our beautiful,...

I-i-i watched part of The Rock last ni-i-ight. And part of it the next day! They can't all be winners, ladies and gentlemen. But the real winners this week were our boys, because they got to complete the Nic Cage Action Triptych by watching The Rock. In the name of the Con-Air, the Face/Off, the Rock...Awww-yeah! Amiright?!? I think I'm right! You got Sean Connery. You got Ed Harris. You...

'Cause he's all in my head. I think about Nic over and over again. And I can't keep stop picturing you with him. And I can't take it. I can't shake it, no.  I remember the day you recorded. I remember the last film you watched right in front of me.  And that last film, this last week, was 1987's Coen Brothers classic comedy of errors "Raising Arizona." Holly...

Don't do those face waterfalls. Just stick to the same hugs and the kisses you're used to. I know that you're going to swap your faces and voices and all, but I think you're moving too fast... That's right, ladies and gentlemen! If the phrase "face waterfall" didn't give it away (or, you know, the title of the episode), the two lovable lads got to watch Nic...

Blame it on the juice. Got you feelin' loose. Blame it on the 'tron. Got you in the zone. Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol.  Blame it all on Nic Cage. He's the reason we're over 70 episodes deep, watching a surprisingly competent con man film from 2003 called "Matchstick Men." Nic takes a couple of behavioral disorders for a spin, accompanied by Sam Rockwell and an a...

You down with Matt Modine? Yeah, you know me. You down with Nic Cagey? Every last homie. You down with ol' Birdy? Yeah, you know me. Who down with this movie? All the homies! I'll be straight with ya, folks. This one got weird. And I don't mean like, "man attempting intercourse on a small bird" weird. But it got weird nonetheless. In perhaps the most incoherent and tangent...

Papa don't preach. We're in trouble deep. Papa don't preach. We've been losing sleep. But we've made up our minds. We're watching Nic's movie. Ooh-ooh we're going to watch this movie, ooOOooh.... The boys are back! Did you miss them?!? Did you even know they were gone? Did you realize that it has been weeks since they've sat down and recorded last? Fres...

Shot Wild at Heart! And David Lynch is to blame! He gives films a bad name... But seriously, folks. We've joked in the past about quitting the podcast. We've made false threats about hanging up our Nic Cage-watching boots and cashing in all of our good favors and riding off into the sunset as free men. We should have gotten out while the gettin' was good.  Because Brock and Brian -...

Ah yes, the year 1987. "Walk Like An Egyptian" topped the charts, Ronald Reagan was president, and your two favorite podcast hosts were finally born after months of anticipation! Who would've guessed that over 30 years later they'd spend literally hundreds of hours analyzing every film of one Nicolas Cage, including the 1987 hit "Moonstruck," starring not only Nicolas...

Uh wicky wild wild. Wicky wild wild. Wicky Red Rock West. Nic West. Desperado. Rough Rida. No you don’t want nada.  None of this. Six gun in this. Nic Cage runnin’ this.  But I’ll tell you what you DO want! You want to hear about the time Brian and Brock plopped down around the ol’ campfire and watched them some Red Rock West. Nic Cage, Lara Flynn Boyle, Dennis Hopper. A classic who-dunnit mix-em-...

"Have you seen National Treasure?"  For Nic's sake, Brian and Brock can finally say "Yes!" They have! They have seen National Treasure! Okay?!? So lay the heck off! Please and thank you! Geez! Holy buckets! Benjamin Franklin Gates! Abagail! Doug from the Hangover!  Is it the same movie as the sequel? We'll find out! And we'll bring in the History and Mystery expe...

I see Nic Cage a-comin'. He's coming round the bend. And he ain't made a good film since, I don't know when.  But every now and then, there are some diamonds in the rough. And this week, Brock and Brian found a real depressing diamond in Nic's 2013 film "Joe." For once, Nic plays an ex-con and yet he's not the one in the film that could be described as a ful...

His bags are packed. He's ready to go. He's standing outside his cell door. He hates to wake you up to say goodbye...Cause he's leavin' on a jet plane. Don't know if he'll be back again.  That's right, ladies and gentlemen. Finally. We made it. Brian and Brock got to bear witness to the living weapon himself, Cameron Poe. Star of 1997's action classic "...