V.C.'s Pieces

And we're back! Hooray and big oof because Niederman ain't getting better! This episode takes us through "Heavenstone Secrets" starring sisters SEMENtha and Cassie. Pretty dummy Sementha is at the mercy of her older sister Cassie, whose only goal is to serve at the alter of Daddy! But (spoiler alert), not in the way you might think. Along the way, we get a devastating incident, a guncle, teen driv...

Ya'll, this mans is trying to capture the vibe and it is just not happening. He even trots out some of our favorite players, like "Shut In The Grand House" and "Someone Is Weird About A Pregnancy" but Delia's third and final book drags for pages upons't pages until the last couple chapters. Then 4,000 things happen REAL fast. Give it a read or don't!

AKA "The love triangle that really tried to exist but totally didn't y'all".

Hola querido oyente! Let us jorney down Mexico way and meet Delia Ybarra, our newest protagonist! I'm sure you're shocked - SHOCKED - to learn that she is very beautiful, fresh, and innocent. This is a bilingual dirt poor to diamond rich Mexican soap opera but you know what? The VC vibes are non-existent! Anywho, we at least get some gross villians and some homosexual flavor (alerta de spoiler!)

Secrets! Who is she? Dunno, but she ain't here. Just ALICE, Karen and Jesse's daughter who for sure saw "Beetlejuice" one too many times. This book starts with one probable plot which gets put to bed halfway through the book. Time for a second plot I guess? And spoiler alert, we learn nothing definite about Karen's case or murder or whole deal so hope you didn't want that!

Let's hop back in time to 1962! A time where you could preform a murderous shenanigan (spoiler alert) and get away with it for an undetermined amount of days. A time where a quaint village beholds't an attic full of teen stabbin secrets. A time where a journey to ~*~ t h e c i t y~*~ was all you needed to soothe your troubled daughter who is definitely not keeping anything from you. The attic! Mem...

Holy Hell y'all, have you seen "I Know Who Killed Me"? It is a legitimate masterpiece of terribleness. And as we all know, that's what makes a great movie! Lindsey Lohan stars in this sooooooooper mysterious mystery in shades of red and blue. There's torture, high school, poemitry, CSI, backgina, and a case of mistaken identity. Or is there?! If you're feeling adventurous, have a blue drink and a...

Welcome to our live watch of the 2000 lycanthropic coming of age tale "Ginger Snaps"! Ginger is not yet a girl, not quite a human and her possibly bewigged sister Bea has to clean up Ginger's literal and figurative messes. And menses. This flick as it all: practical effects, 25 year old teens, doobers, angst, and a very supportive Canadian mom. Never has the story girlhood on the precipice of beco...

Hey y'all! Let's go down to the farm! It's a magically dismal place where everything is wrong, and not JUST for the same ol' reasons. Sure, there's stuff far too sexual for a young girl, wacky friends, contrived scenarios, an old man trying to use hip language, family secrets, and uncomfiness. BUT ALSO a seemingly endless supply of details factually inaccurate from the prior book! You know it, you...

It's time. I'm sorry. This is a Bad Book that gives Bad feels and now we gotta talk about it. If you know or have heard of this one, don't worry. We did not discuss the parts that gave us the ick. And for all the books that this mans has written, this is the one you shouldns't read the most. A 7 year old gets the puberty! Nider-NoNo!

And our story rolls fatly along! April is still at the rotted winery with her rotten self image. But rest assured, she unlocks her inner rice queen for some fumbling sexies! We also meet Motha Rhona and SKEETER. This one is both predictable and yet somehow unpredictable. Pinocchio never saved so many girls!

Remember when we all wished for a well rounded main character who wasn't physical perfection? Just to get a little variety? Well, we shouldns't have done that. April Taylor! She's only one note and that note is FAT seasoned with gay panic. Hey, it was the early aughts. Everyone was thinking about being gay and had nose-or-bellybutton rings. So, this was wild/dumb and we are dumber for having read...

Ya'll need to get your peepers on this mess so you can fully appreciate the lack of aging effects on DON, Jim-Jam, and Whillip. It truly is atrocious. Plus, you have young (old?) Shristie acting like a brick wall. Supporting characters include Wish.com Neve Campbell, Harley Windham, Hamster Dance, and Warren!

WHEW! This was a hard birthins, but we have finally delivered this babby! If you missed our Instagram live, here is what it sounded like, minus some chewing and rustling. Get some snacks and join the slumber party as we watch the next movie installment: "Twilight's Child"!

It's time to journey to the (incorrect) year of 1973! What's her name? Oh yeah, Dawn! Well, she still sing so good and here she meets a new kid/old man, Jimmy is definitely going to get sent to Vietnam, Trisha is still the best, and we get served the incandescent SAG-AFTRA president Fran Drescher as the perfectly cast Agnes Morris!

Whelp, we finally done did it. We watched the Lifetime made for TV movie of "Dawn" and it was fine? I guess? It certainly WAS a movie on the Lifetime network that was adapted from the book by VC Andrews/Andrew Neiderman. Fans of bad acting, bad wigs, and ATROCIOUS lip syncing should love this one. Us? Eh? I suppose? Maybe more of an "I like you, but I don't LIKE you, like you" vibe.

I don't know about you, but I am PUMPED to find out what happened to all the players from the last two books! What was their legacy? What drove them to do what they done did? How to alllllll these folks reconcile their actions from the prior stories? If you want to know as well, then BUCKLE UP because you definitely wont! Instead, we get a story that is so far removed from the build up of the last...

Hoo-wee y'all, Celeste is BACK and with her return is a second bonus Celeste! Lil Babby Celeste so perfect, Mama/Mommy so scheming, OG Celeste so confused, Fletcher fam so used, Panther so exists, spirits so omnivorous, accordion so played, forehead so yellow, infant Jordan so gets a backstory, book editing so wild.

Welcome to spoopy season y'all! Grab your herbs and spirits because it's time to meet Celeste! She's for sure the worst twin and mommy apparently hates her? This book features the scariest thing of all - endless gaslighting about you very essence of self! If you want a serving of gothic isolation with a side of witchy mommy and a sprinkle of amulets, this episode is for you.

"Midnight Flight" is kind of like like one of those late 90's daytime talk shows (*cough* MAURY *cough*) where they take disobedient teens and ship them off to some scared straight abuse factory. Matter of fact, it's EXACTLY like one of those episodes. Buckle up ya'll, you will never guess what happens next! Spoiler alert: we get silly.

It's like if Niederman liked the idea of "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air" and worked it into one of his Team Bad Girl bookers. Hm. Anywhatever, Phoebe is the last gal who do be a bad gal (but not really spoiler alert?). There are coal black eyes and jazz joint references so, like, there's THAT to digest. Also, let us wonder about the disparity in the severity of her "crimes" vs those other two. Think...

She's Tealin' up your heart with what she do. Cause she don't give a fart, oh yes it's true. And no matter what her punishments, she feels no shame. With or without a gnu. Ok, there isn't a gnu in this one, I ran outta rhymes. TEAL! She rich, she whine, she got no thinkins, and she mentions a mélange. Enjoy!

It's time to crack into "Broken Wings", book one of the next two-booker! This episode brings us the story of Robin Taylor, bad girl number one who loves cigarettes and hates country music, Too bad her mother darling (gag) wants to be a country singing star! Wacky hijinks ensue, there may or may not be a Row Berry, and we get a Modern Vaginal Product!

Well, friends, it's time for us to dine on the skin and the entrails of the De Beeries. We talk about the "special" "ebook" super extra prequel "Dark Seed". It only takes about 17 minutes until we lapse into extended silent shoulder shrugging and googling about VIcky Andy and Andrew Neitherman. Don't worry though, we preview the next 87 years of episodes at the end!

We're back from break and it's time for an Adult Male Protagonist! Lemme tell you, the disappointment is palpable. Claude's redemptive tale really veers sideways into a man listening to his dick and not his patient/lover. I'm not sure if we expected more from him, but we really shouldn't have.