Unwise Girls

The Last Olympian, ch. 9 to 11 The Battle of Manhattan begins, and the Unwise Girls are here to give you a play by play! If you're concerned about how Percy is doing in a leadership position, who has and has not actually died so far, what it means when mailmen get pissed off, the big way Poseidon's gift from last book comes back into play, and just what effects plopping yourself in a fucked up riv...

The Last Olympian, ch. 6 to 8 Jacqueline is back after moving cross-country (with Jane kept in her pocket) to bring an even dose of unwise to your life! This week we discuss various taxonomical forms of the fucked up old lady, a delightfully comedic twist on the classic Percy Jackson Underworld Scene, one of the clunkiest mythological cameos in the series to date, and Percy finally shifting into K...

This week, we get sombre as we contemplate horrors such as the scars of war and how it affects those who are left behind, Rick's bizarre but ultimately necessary clarification of how demigod dating works, and the fact that Percy Jackson could, potentially, appear in a Kingdom Hearts game. Truly, the stuff of nightmares. Thankfully, there are reasons to be positive too! Intercamp politics are back...

Percy Jackson and the Last Olympian: Chapters 1-2 This is war! To the soldier, the civilian, the... the pisshorse, I guess. It's war time! Join us as we're plunged headfirst into this terrible conflict, which takes us from a greatly improved love-triangle subplot, to a familiar demon party boat, and under the waves for an epic battle for Poseidon's kingdom! There will be anime crab deaths, there w...

The Demigod Files This week, the Unwise Girls cover a special supplementary book set between The Battle of the Labyrinth and our next book, The Last Olympian! We meet Clarisse's twisted and effed up brothers, consider how some big ants compare to some different big ants, and then travel through Hades in one of the most fun self-contained stories the series has to offer. We also cover some miscella...

The Battle of the Labyrinth, ch. 18 to 20  The Battle of the Labyrinth comes to a close with one of the most climactic action scenes yet! Imagine: what if a young adult fantasy novel could make a huge fight to defend the main characters' home fort good? What if moms were evil? What if dads who were bad were also really cool and charming? What would happen if there was a fucked up guy and his...

The Battle of the Labyrinth, ch. 14 to 17    In today's episode of Unwise Girls, we're a little bit out of it, but don't worry! We still manage to talk about how far edgy teens will go to make a fashion statement, send out an open call for our listeners to DM us, praise some truly great twist executions and how Rick created a functional character arc entirely through dream sequences and...

The Battle of the Labyrinth, ch. 11 to 13 Today, the Unwise Girls talk about the best chapter of Percy Jackson. ...Huh? I have to write more or Jane will force me to work the mines? Okay, fine, fine! Today we talk about the coolest thing you can do at a funeral, some exciting(?) news about who's who in the Percy Jackson TV show writers room, laugh as Jane is wrong about basic volcano and Daedalus...

The Battle of the Labyrinth, ch. 8 to 10 Yeeeehaw, ride those cowboys! Welcome back to the most rootin' tootin' podcast in the west, cowpokes, hosted by the gracious Demon Dude Ranch! Y'all wanna know what we talked about in this here episode? Well, it ain't much to tell, but today we get into Daedalus's dirtiest deed ever done, scary horsies, evil and fucked up rancher types, visual metaphors (in...

The Battle of the Labyrinth, ch. 4 to 7 Make your choice, demigods! We're officially deep in the labyrinth, and to keep it together we've put together an episode chock full of guesses on where the heck we're even going. We return to the prophecy prediction corner (with a twist!), debate whether Athena fucks and who exactly has come out of that hypothetical fucking, try to figure out who is sending...

The Battle of the Labyrinth, ch. 1 to 3 Legends tell of a set of introductory chapters so normal, so bogstandard, so boringly unremarkable that all the lesbian hosts of a 2021 Rick Riordan book podcast will be able to say in response to it is: "Yeah, I mean, it's fine? Pretty good." Today, that oddly specific legend has been fulfilled, and the Unwise Girls struggle to keep their heads on straight...

The Titan's Curse, ch. 18 to 20  We did it, friends. We've gone all the way up the mountain of The Titan's Curse and back down again. Along the way, we learned a lot: how devastating it can be when a little kid's little gay crush turns into unbridled animosity, the ways that PJO could easily swing its way into becoming the Doctor Who of kid lit, when and when not to cut a character down in th...

The Titan's Curse, ch. 15 to 17     As The Titan's Curse climaxes, we celebrate being firmly back in the era of Good Shit. We discuss the potential paths for Luke's character arc, one of the best action setpieces in the story so far, two family beats with vastly different impacts, Elon Musk, whether or not the innocent-seeming Chase family home hides a dark secret, the varying portr...

(hey folks! we're taking a week off to try and build up a good backlog of main episodes, so enjoy this taste of one of our bonus episodes! if you like what you hear, you can get more by going to https://www.patreon.com/unwisegirls and subscribing to our $3 or $5 tiers!) this week, we talk about the various forms our favourite DC heroes have taken over the years, becoming a social pariah by not und...

The Titan's Curse, ch. 12 to 14 Our second annual sightseeing tour of the United States of AmeriUGH (am i right, folks?) takes us to some real photogenic spots! A beautiful ski resort, the awe-inspiring Hoover Dam, and... just kind of a city full of trash I guess. While snapping pics, we gab about just how direct a rip of the labours of Heracles this book is, a mysterious but compelling new charac...

The Titan's Curse, ch. 9 to 11     Our trek to San Francisco finally hit its stride, and it's all well-walked trails from here on! Have a chat with us on the road as we talk Mr. D's Big Moment, our continued speculation on who Zoe's parents are, the not-quite 1:1 nature of PJO and She-Ra villains, Ayn Rand's funny scribblies, Jane's liberal turn, which podcasts Apollo vibes to, and...

The Titan's Curse, ch. 5 to 8 We didn't think it would happen, y'all, but - we both are super enjoying the book we're reading again! At the same time! This week, we celebrate by talking about Percy's great developments as a character, horrific pranks played by devilspawn children, just where in the heck Clarisse might have gone, one of the best scenes in the book so far and what it means for the c...

The Titan's Curse, ch. 1 to 4 A new book begins! This week, we break free of the bonds of our previous episode naming structure to make it clear that the Unwise Girls are not playing around with each other anymore. It's a heated battle of wits! In the red corner, Jacqueline, representing the side of "book good so far"! In the blue corner, Jane, representing the side of "still sucks actually"! Will...

The Sea of Monsters, ch. 18 to 20     The Unwise Girls sadly sigh as they stare at the seldom stirring Sea of Monsters finale. It wasn't great, folks! I mean, some of it was real good. We talk about the duality of twists (apparently if there's a really good one there has to be a really disappointing one too), finally go into full rewrite mode, build up tepid hopes for the future, se...

The Sea of Monsters, ch. 15 to 17   (cw: discussion of animal mutilation from 9:52 to 10:10)    This week, the Unwise Girls talk the latest in Percy Jackson movie news, deliberately spread misinformation, grouse about the retread-heavy story and how disappointing Polyphemus is as an antagonist, wish for more for Grover than being a damsel-in-distress goatboy-in-a-dress, and do our o...

The Sea of Monsters, ch. 12 to 14 Welcome to debate club, everyone. Today, you'll be viewing a demonstration of "Percy Jackson Discourse" as we figure out how certain types of coding relate to Cyclopes in the series, map out future Percy Jackson trans fanfiction trends based on data from the forbidden wizard books, attempt to uncover the truth behind Blackbeard's death, ascertain what qualities ma...

The Sea of Monsters, ch. 9 to 11     Sorry for the audio troubles this week, folks! We've discovered the culprit, so count on us sounding better from now on! For now though, the Unwise Girls go from one boat to another as they talk shop on Warship Realities, mishandle the basic rules of physics and podcasting, ponder the metaphor of grief, and go down mythological rabbit holes. &nbs...

The Sea of Monsters, ch. 5 to 8 All aboard! Today, us flighty broads yap about the sad exit of a pisshorse legend, shrug our shoulders at Tyson-related developments, discover an entire chapter that just sort of exited our minds, go off on tangents about Skype RP, become Hermes stans, and have a few light disagreements. Try to hold in your excitement! Follow the show ( https://twitter.com/unwisegir...

The Sea of Monsters, ch. 1 to 4 The Unwise Girls' journey through Hades continues as we move from the Fields of Moviehell straight into Tartarus. This is a metaphor for the pit we fall into because of these first four chapters! We discuss the character of Tyson and the problem of ableist character writing, do battle with the city-county library system, give Rick his due when he deserves it, and br...

Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010) (Note: There are some audio issues in the latter half of this episode! Sorry about that, y'all!) Well, folks, we made a mistake. Join the Unwise Girls and special guest Rabbits of Undead Rabbits as we take on the two hour nightmare known as Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief. We cover adaptation sickness, the decisio...