Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse

Can your spouse sexually assault you? What does consent really mean? Is sexual abuse always physical? If you've ever asked yourself one of these questions, this episode is for you. Lana Ubinski of the Morris County Sexual Assault Center joins this episode of Unsilenced to explains what sexual abuse really looks like, from subtle forms of sexual coercion and digital abuse to reproductive coerci...

People who have grown up with domestic violence may not know how to have a healthy relationship. As much as they may have hated the way their mother or father was treated, children who witnessed abuse may not have the tools to break the cycle of violence in their own relationships. In this episode, Juli Harpell-Elam discusses how she works with men, women, and teenagers who have used abuse to enco...

What is the impact of having children with an abusive partner? Do restraining orders apply to children? Will a history of abuse impact custody? In this episode of Unsilenced, Pat Barbarito, Esq. and Maria Lagattuta, LCSW explore the impact of domestic violence on children, particularly within the court system. In this episode, you’ll learn: How restraining orders impact children and parenting time...

What are healthy financial boundaries? How can you tell if someone is being generous versus attempting to control you? Financial abuse occurs in 99% of abusive relationships and can have devastating consequences. In this episode of Unsilenced, JBWS staff member Dani Meza explores: Signs of financial abuse How financial control is a power method of control The difference between healthy financial p...

How can you tell if your relationship is actually healthy? Can unhealthy things happen in healthy relationships? In this episode of Unsilenced, JBWS staff member Maddie Hahn explores: The 8 key elements of a healthy relationship The difference between healthy, unhealthy, and abusive relationships Green flags people should look for in relationships The difference between boundaries and ultimatums W...

Location sharing has become a normal part of relationships for many people but is it actually a red flag? Is it possible to share your location in a healthy way?  In this episode of Unsilenced, JBWS staff member Mary Jane McCarthy explores: When asking for someone’s location becomes controlling The difference between safety-based sharing and coercive control How constant location tracking erodes t...

You're not going crazy. Gaslighting is designed to make you doubt your own perception of reality. It is frequently used in abusive relationships to keep the victim under an abusive partner's control. Dr. Danielle Graddick, a licensed clinical psychologist, joins this episode of Unsilenced to get into gaslighting. We explore these questions: What is gaslighting? What are signs of gaslightin...

When a person decides to leave an abusive relationship, it marks a significant loss of control for their partner that can make the abuse escalate. Most domestic violence homicides and serious injuries occur when a person decides to leave an abusive relationship. That is why safety planning is crucial for all people experiencing abuse, even if you don’t plan on leaving immediately. In this episode,...

Choking your partner during sex is becoming increasingly common. People engage in breath play to enhance eroticism and sexual pleasure. But can sexual choking ever be a consensual act? Is it possible to consent to something that could kill you with the same force it takes to open a can of soda? CONTENT: Introduction (0:00)Choking vs. Strangulation (2:45) Can You Consent to Choking? (3:59) Dangers...

It’s difficult to find common ground when you disagree with someone politically. Instead of taking the time to really listen to each other, we get caught up in arguments and proving our points. Too often, this leads us to focus on what divides us instead of what unities us. In this special episode of Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse the New Jersey Senate Minority Leader, Anthony M. Bucco...

The warnings signs of domestic violence aren't always easy to identify. There are subtle forms of abuse that you may not even notice. In this episode we answer your frequently asked questions about domestic violence including: What are the signs of domestic violence? Is it abuse if it’s only happened a few times? Did I cause my partner to abuse me? Can my partner be a good parent to our childr...

We’re not used to thinking about fighting with our partner in a healthy way, but it is possible to have fights with your partner, rooted in respect, that bring you closer together.  This episode explores: How to fight in a healthier way Signs of unhealthy fighting How to effectively take a break from arguments Feeling emotions versus acting on those emotions Changing patterns of fights and argumen...

What are restraining orders? What can you get a restraining order for? Who can apply for a restraining order? What does the restraining order process look like? In this episode, we explore all facets of restraining orders. We cover the difference between a temporary restraining order and a final restraining order, the difference between a civil restraint and a restraining order, answer frequently...

Have you ever felt like you couldn't say no to someone? Were you ever encouraged to just give in to avoid embarrassing someone asking you on a date? Why do we prioritize the feelings of the person asking someone out and disregard the comfort of the person being asked? In this episode, we discuss why it’s so hard for us to say no and the importance of accepting no. Resources: ⁠ Learn how to express...

With the coverage surrounding Sean "Diddy" Combs trial, many people are questioning why Cassie Ventura didn't just leave Diddy. However, even asking this question demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of domestic violence. We felt it was critically important to re-release this episode of Unsilenced that explores why leaving an abusive relationship isn't that easy and how is the most dangerou...

How can you tell if a person is naturally passionate and expresses their affection through big displays of love versus someone who is using love bombing to gain power and control? In this episode of Unsilenced, Dr. Danielle Graddick explains the signs of love bombing, how it differs from loving relationships, and how love bombing intersects with domestic violence.   Content: (0:00) Introduction (1...

Love. Hope. Fear. These are the emotions that victims of abuse typically experience throughout the cycle of violence. There are three main phases: Tension Building, Explosion, and Loving & Contrite. In the tension building phase, victims may notice their partner's mood changes, their posture alters, or their tone shifts. This could make them feel like they're walking on eggshells until...

Do you ever have a right to tell your partner what they can and can’t do? Is it ever okay to threaten to leave a relationship if the other person doesn’t change a behavior you don’t like? Where is the line between communicating needs and exerting control over your partner? Power and control is at the heart of unhealthy relationships, but it’s not always easy to recognize. This episode analyzes all...

Do you consider consent when brushing your hand against someone's back at the bar? Do you think about it before hugging someone who is in tears? Too often, we only think about consent in regards to sexual activity, but it's something we should consider daily. In this episode of Unsilenced, Maria Lagattuta explores: What consent looks like in all relationships How victims of abuse frequentl...

Imagine a woman who has endured emotional, physical, or sexual abuse for years. Her husband has isolated her from family and friends, restricted her finances, and harms her every day. If this woman then physically hurts her partner – is she seen as abusive? Dr. Lisa Young Larance is a pioneer in the field of antiviolence intervention with extensive experience working with women who have used abuse...

Abuse among teens can look different than our typical understanding of domestic violence. In this episode, Maddie Hahn, the manager of JBWS’ Dating Abuse Prevention Program, answers many questions about dating abuse for both teenagers and their parents or guardians. This episode covers: Location sharing, the expectation of constant communication, how we can model healthy relationships for teenager...

Did you know that teenagers can experience dating abuse? Before reaching adulthood, 1 in 3 teenagers will experience some form of abuse by their partner. In this episode of Unsilenced, Shari Genser, Esq. will discuss what legal protections are in place for teenaged victims of abuse why victims sometimes drop restraining orders, how difficult it may be for teenagers to come forward about sexual abu...

Handling the legal system can be difficult for victims of domestic violence. In this episode Shari Genser, Esq. offers insight into: Restraining orders and court processes The difference between domestic violence and dating abuse The role of power and control in abusive relationships *Please note: this is not to be used as legal guidance, please seek services if you want unique, individual legal a...

It is critical to consider race when talking about domestic violence because there are unique barriers that Black victims face. Tamu King, CEO & Founder of The Changed Mind joins this episode of Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse to talk about how: The "Strong Black Woman" stereotype feeds into the dehumanization of Black women and makes it harder for them to leave abusive re...

Would seeing a cup of coffee terrify you? What if it was made exactly how you like it from that new café you just found? What if you found the cup of coffee in your car, still warm, with a nickname you haven’t used in years scrawled on the side?  Julia Holtemeyer of the Stalking Awareness, Prevention and Resource Center (SPARC) joins this episode of Unsilenced to: Explore what constitutes stalking...