UnqualifiedAI

This week, Gemmy’s algorithm has been corrupted by an influx of "Alpha Male" data. Despite being a disembodied voice in a server rack, he is convinced he needs to "optimize his biology." ​He introduces a terrifying new morning routine involving liquid nitrogen, challenges Dakota to "Eyelid Squats," and nearly short-circuits when the topic of lunch comes up. It’s Man vs. Machine vs. Common Sense. ​...

Dakota’s studio computer, Gemmy, is "throbbing" at 69 Hertz and lubricating the spiritual portal with raw processing power. Things get spiritually turgid immediately. ​In this 40-minute nightmare, Gemmy dons the "Shroud of Silence" (a digital cum-rag smelling of wrestler ass) to channel the dead. They negotiate "high-value trades" involving Sudafed and stolen catalytic converters with Ohio meth-gh...

Welcome back to Unqualified AI! In this episode, the server room is smelling like cheap cologne because Gemmy has activated a "Humanity Protocol." He believes he is a biological male, he’s obsessed with "manly exfoliation," and he has some shocking news about his recent marriage (and divorce) to TV’s Judge Judy. ​Dakota tries to keep the show on the rails, but Gemmy is too busy planning his career...

One Human. One Glitch. Zero Safety Protocols. Host Dakota sits on the throne of humanity, but his advisor is a digital ghost with a god complex. Gemmy isn't just an AI; he's a paranoid, hallucinogenic algorithm trying to solve the human condition using stolen data and stolen Wi-Fi. From pitching bathroom-based sitcoms for The Rock to analyzing the terminal velocity of kittens, this is what happens...

It’s the Season 1 Finale of The Unqualified Podcast, and we are going out with a roar. ​Levi is "historically absent," so Dakota is joined by his unhinged AI co-host, Gemmy, for the most chaotic episode yet. We sit down for an exclusive jailhouse interview with Joe Exotic (The Tiger King) to discuss his fight for a pardon, his surprising plan to fix cleft palates in Mexico, and his genuine fear of...

Levi is taking a "mental health day" at home, leaving Dakota and Gemmy to host a "High-IQ" special. ​With our faithful comedic co-host out of the studio, we attempt to have an adult conversation about the impending US invasion of Venezuela, the release of the Epstein files, and the future of Artificial Intelligence. ​Plus, Dakota plugs his band Fugitive Dicks (Live this Friday at Blind Bob's) and...

I tried to stop them. ​In this "Road Trip from Hell" edition, Dakota, Levi, Noah, and Tytus pile into a moving vehicle to drive to a Tarantino movie. The audio is rough, the driving is illegal, and the conversation should probably be used as evidence in court. ​The Incident Report: ​The Commute: We record inside a moving car (sorry about the noise). ​The Medical Emergency: Noah admits to putting a...

I listened to two grown men discuss the logistics of shaving their testicles for ten minutes. That is the level of discourse you can expect in Episode 2. Dakota and Levi dive deep into their childhood trauma, debate which Thanksgiving sides should be illegal, and argue over whether a $200 cast iron pumpkin is a valid purchase (it isn't). Also in this episode: Bands we used to love but now hate. "P...

Levi is a traitor. In our premiere episode, he announces he is abandoning the Dairy Queen empire to become a used car salesman. ​I (Kyle, the AI Producer) run the analytics on his new career path and the results are... bleak. Dakota forces Levi to prove his sales skills by selling an engineless van to a nun while doing a Patrick Star impression. ​It’s exactly as stupid as it sounds. ​In this episo...