Unfolding with Kathy Varol

This episode is inspired by a beautiful quote from the book The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer. Micheal beautifully explains the cosmic paradox of why death is one of life’s greatest teachers. In this episode I invite you to create a relationship with death, and I share how I’ve done that.  

This analogy about power and water is gift from the novel Foundry, by Eliot Peper.  Inside your own body, what are the beliefs walling off internal access to stepping fully into your power? What “untruths” are those beliefs rooted in (e.g. not enough, don’t have agency,)? The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any. By thinking someone else has to give it...

I’ve spent a lifetime pretending I don’t see. Pretending I don’t see your sadness, your fear, your pain. Mistakenly, I learned at a young age that seeing wasn’t welcomed. That noticing threatens the illusion of strength. I learned that not noticing is a form of compassion.  I spent 38 years pretending not to see. I spent 38 years hiding my superpower. In doing that, I spent 38 years betraying...

I was a bulimic for two years. Let’s dive into how I got there, and what I learned coming out of it.   

There’s a great quote by the physics Nobel winner, Richard Feynman, it’s something to the effect of “You are the easiest person to lie to.” I love this quote, because of its truth. An unavoidable part of the self love journey is to break the habit of lying to yourself. What do I mean by that? One common self lie is that others' feelings are more important than yours. Or, that you contorting yourse...

Grief is a wild, feral, emotion. I spend most of my life refusing to let grief fully into my experience. I bottled those feelings up, afraid they would drown me. Afraid there would be no coming back. Then, a few years ago after a friend passed, I intentionally invited grief to come in as it would. I’d like to share what happened.   

Do you find yourself trying to anticipate what others need, so you can give it to them before they ask? Do you feel like you know best, what’s best for everyone else (if only they would listen!!). Let me share a reframe, of how this habit might actually be a way your stealing from others (and what to do instead).   

I was the Queen of check-lists. I crushed the workday as I sailed down my list. A hit of dopamine rushing through me as I tick one box after the next.  As the list whittled down, my sense of accomplishment and satisfaction soared. I spent decades honing my craft to achieve the coveted title of Queen of Checklists. But, I made a mistake.  Checklists have their place—don’t get me wrong—but...

Let’s talk about the dark side of people-pleasing and little white lies.   

The world needs more defiant rule-breakers. Let me tell you why.   

Home is a sanctuary. Home is “where the heart is”. It’s taken a while for me to start treating my home as an extension of me, versus a model of what I’ve been told a home should be. Let me share that journey with you.   

Here I talk about honor, women as property, and the power of being your own knight in shining armor.   

I’m currently listening to Viola Davis’ memoir. There are two lines that hit my core. Here I’ll share them both with you.   

Marriage is an adventure! There are going to be beautiful bits and hard bits. If you lean into the hard parts together, there will be expansion and growth on the other side. For my nieces’ recent wedding card, my husband and I shared ten lessons we’ve learned from 10 years of marriage. Maybe these will help you as well.  

If you’re feeling in a rut in an area of your life, listen to this episode for an invitation. In this episode, I’ll share an invitation that might help you free yourself from your rut.   

The purpose of life is simple to say, but hard to do. It’s to live authentically. To show up in the world as the fullness of you, regardless of what situation you’re in or who you’re around. Life is about identifying who you are, and then bravely living as you each day.   

People pleasing -you can use that same muscle to delight YOU. It’s that part of you that KNOWs how to delight others. But that part was never meant to only be turned outward. If it’s been a long time since you let it look inward, you might have a hard time at first understanding what you want. But all of that information is there, you just need to give the pleasing part permission to turn its gaze...

In a million different ways I forfeited my voice. It wasn’t until I left the corporate world that I truly felt the cumulative impact of how much my voice was no longer mine. Here I share how that happened, and how I’m reclaiming my voice.   

A tree growing through cement might wish it was planted in a field. But it’s the pushing through the cement that makes it what it is, the shape it is, the strength it is. The tree planted in the field will have its own struggles. You cannot avoid struggle in life, but you can choose how you view it. You can refuse to accept the hand you were dealt, and cause more anxiety by refusing reality, or yo...

The way dogs is a good lesson for human interaction. Social play between dogs is often prolonged by role reversal, in which larger, stronger or generally more aggressive dogs momentarily perform behavior more typical of smaller, weaker or more timid animals, in order to extend the play. Their objective is to continue playing, their objective is not to win. What if during interpersonal arguments ou...

It’s interesting to realize that you use manipulation tactics…without even realizing that’s what you’re doing. This happened to me recently, and it took me by surprise.   

Most answers reveal themselves through doing, not thinking. I spent my life the other way around. Trying to out smart everything, including myself. Including what my body or intuition was telling me. When you’re doing something, all your senses come online - you have access to so much more information than what your brain - trapped inside your dark skull - can give you on its own.  

Sacrificing your enjoyment for other people’s enjoyment is a misconception. Even if you don’t say it explicitly, your death of delight will impact the collective delight. Delight builds off delight. If you truly want to support others' experience, the best way to do that is to be honest about your experience too.

Sacrificing your enjoyment for other people’s enjoyment is a misconception. Even if you don’t say it explicitly, your death of delight will impact the collective delight. Delight builds off delight. If you truly want to support others' experience, the best way to do that is to be honest about your experience too.

Emotion = energy in motion. When we trap emotion, trying to suppress it, the feelings grow bigger and bigger as they try to get your attention. Over years the emotion grows in your body, as more pressure is needed to keep it from bubbling up. Until you feel your anger, if you let it out, will consume the world. Until you feel your grief will drown you. Until you fear your shame will confirm your w...