Two Open Doors

 In our previous post, we examined the ways in which sẻx serves as a powerful language in the communication between intimate partners.  We considered the essential role of touch in intimate interactions, and we also explored how a spiritual element can play a role in taking intimate interactions to a sublime level that isn’t otherwise available to us.    In this post, we’ll step back to focus on t...

It has been a while since Two Open Doors last visited a very important topic:  human sẻxuality.  In this post, we’ll consider one of the many functions of sẻx:  its role as a vehicle for communication .  We’ll examine why sẻxuality and its cousin, sensuality, can be especially powerful in telling a partner what we’re feeling, what we desire, and how we see that partner. Dr. Claude Cruz is a relati...

Commitments can come with a down-side:  they can be difficult and often painful to change.  That’s certainly true of some socially-recognized and sanctioned commitments, such as a marriage or a mortgage.  In our society, those are treated as contracts, or mutually-agreed promises, that can’t be violated without a price being paid. In this episode, we’ll consider an alternative form of commitment: ...

What are intimate relationships good for, anyway?  There seems to be a lot of potential down-side in opening ourselves up to connect deeply with another person.  Vulnerability is risky.  What’s on the positive side of the ledger?   In this episode, we'll consider the many ways in which being in intimate relationships can help us find and express the things that we might consider the "bes...

In recent episodes, we’ve considered the need for compromise and mutual concessions in any relationship.  We’ve also explored my proposal that relationships can be sorted into two general categories, based on the associated level of emotional commitment:  “core” relationships; and “non-core” relationships, which we might describe by terms such as “peripheral”, or “secondary”, or “lovers” (as disti...

As we’ve repeatedly observed, relationship is a two-way street.  As such, a relationship can’t work if the two partners are not agreed as to their goals for the relationship.  If anything, significant differences in relationship goals will lead to ongoing friction at best, or to relationship dissolution at worst. In this post, we’ll take a look at what sorts of goals one might have for a particula...

Satisfying deeply-connected relationships can be one of the most precious “possessions” that we humans can receive.  In truth, of course, one cannot “possess” a relationship; rather, in accepting our role in a relationship, we receive the honor of being included as a significant part of someone else’s life.  Relationship doesn’t entail “owning” anything, most certainly not a right to having contro...

In creating intimate relationships with others, we build psychological, emotional and physical connections.  Through our intimate connections, we enter into and participate in the lives of those we’re connected to.  In this episode, we’ll consider two kinds of intimate relationships:  lovers , and partners .  We’ll take a look at how these are related, and at the choices we face in creating and ma...

We humans are neurobiologically “wired” to avoid pain and seek pleasure.  In this episode, we’ll consider our experience of joy, and of some of the varied paths that we take in its pursuit.  The things that bring us joy provide much of the meaning in our life.  That makes it important for us to cultivate joy, and to integrate sources of joy into our life. Dr. Claude Cruz is a relationship and inti...

 | In a recent episode, we considered the need for compromise and negotiation , in any deeply-connected relationship.  We recognized that an intimate relationship needs to serve the needs and desires of both partners--- and that since we humans are all individuals, we won’t always want the same things.   In this episode, we’ll explore what one should ask for in an intimate relationship:  what sort...

Relationships are often complicated.  They entail meeting the needs and goals of people beyond ourselves--- people whose interests may sometimes take them in directions other than what we might prefer.  The situation is complex enough in the case of a committed couple--- but it can become downright daunting in the case of managing multiple deeply-connected relationships. In this post, we’ll explor...

In our prior posts, we’ve described the many complex and often subtle factors that play into determining the compatibility--- or incompatibility--- of a relationship.  Relationships are important to people, so we all pursue them, to differing extents.  That combination of relationship complexity with our human drive to relate is a virtual guarantee that some of our relationships will blossom and t...

We humans are finite creatures.  We have limited time, energy, and capacity for relationship.  This can become very apparent in our efforts to create and maintain deep relationships; there are only so many hours in a day, and we can sometimes find ourselves over-extended in trying to serve the sometimes-clashing needs and desires of our partner(s), as well as ourselves.  The resulting stresses and...

Relationships offer us many tangible and concrete benefits:  the joy of companionship, physical and material help in dealing with life’s many activities, emotional responses and personal validation, and a combination of resources that enhance our personal security and enjoyment of life.  In addition, though, being in an intimate relationship can transport us outside of ourselves, providing persona...

In our last episode, we took a look at what it means for an intimate relationship to “fail”.  We took note of the hazards of overly-harsh self-judgment, as well as recognizing the many pitfalls of letting others make judgments about our relationships.  In this episode, we’ll consider the positive side of the relationship “ledger”: the many joys and benefits of choosing and nurturing relationships...

We sometimes hear others say that their intimate relationship is “failing”, or has “failed”.  We may feel that about some of our own relationships.  Sometimes that statement comes as an angry and frustrated accusation, and sometimes it comes as a sad and dejected lament--- but in all cases, it’s a statement that’s laden with emotion.  Our core relationships are centrally-important to us as humans,...

One of the more challenging aspects of deeply-connected relationships is the need for compromise .  In an intimate relationship, there are three separate entities interacting with one another:  each of the two individual partners, and the relationship that comprises the couple.  Each of these has needs, dreams and desires that need to be balanced and traded-off against one another.  If any of thes...

I often marvel at the seeming miracle that a healthy and satisfying long-term relationship represents.  Life is full of twists and turns, challenges and upsets that can threaten the integrity of a deep connection between partners.    For a relationship to show a high degree of adaptability, both partners must surely have “the right stuff” to contribute to the relationship.  In this episode, we’ll...

In selecting a topic for today’s blog, I was inspired to reflect on femininity and masculinity --- and how those relate to the complex phenomenon of gender .  In colloquial speech, the terms “sex” and “gender” are often used interchangeably.  It’s more accurate and more beneficial to distinguish these from one another, though, since they really refer to different things.  We'll examine both o...

In trying to understand and compare the lifestyle choices of monogamy and ethical non-monogamy (ENM), it’s useful to consider the role of commitment in both of those choices.  As we’ll see, making commitments imposes constraints on one’s life--- in exchange for gaining specific benefits.  As in many aspects of life, choosing a relationship style involves making trade-offs. In this episode, we expl...

For most of those who are in mainstream committed relationships in our culture, there is a “ relationship escalator ” that provides a roadmap of how that relationship is expected to develop over time.  The “escalator” consists of a succession of steps that correspond to deepening commitment and sharing of life-goals in the relationship.  We’ll describe that sequence below, and we’ll examine how th...

It’s hard to believe that the Two Open Doors podcast has reached its 30th episode!  This is an appropriate time to take stock of how we’re doing at building the envisioned Two Open Doors community. We review the various Two Open Doors online forums that complement this podcast.  We also consider the goals envisioned for this community, and we take stock on how we're doing.  We close with a ca...

In our recent interview with premier American sexologist Dr. Patti Britton, she noted that she has started to use the image of a “little blue flame” as a metaphor for the erotic spark that dwells in each of us. Without that flame, our eroticism lacks an essential ignition-source.  In this episode, we explore this concept, and consider how each of us can take steps to ensure the vigor of our own er...

In this full-length (43 minute) guest interview with one of the world's preeminent sexologists, we enjoy a wide-ranging discussion of the role of sexuality and sensuality in creating a fulfilling and growth-centered life.  Dr. Patti is the co-founder (with her deceased partner and fellow sexologist  Dr. Robert Dunlap) of Sex Coach University, which has trained many of America's most adep...

Loving, and being in love:  they sound so similar, yet they’re quite different things.  This distinction can make a big difference in the evolution of a deeply-connected relationship.  Each has its role(s) to play in such a relationship--- and each contributes different things to the relationship. In this episode, we’ll take a closer look at the feelings and behaviors that come with loving someone...