Trust Me, I'm a Lawyer

We analyze China's bio-warfare capabilities going back to 1944 and prove that Covid-19, AKA the Chinese virus, AKA the Wuhan Coronavirus AKA Kung-Flu the latest in a series of engineered bio-weapons.

They can lock you up and throw away the key. Thanks Chinese Virus! Shelter in place is PC for quarantine and of course we have to shut the country down, almost 400 people are dead!  The government is coming to take all your stuff and you are all going to starve and die.  At least the liquor stores are still open.

When the State Bar of Texas starts asking for lawyer volunteers to represent the quarantined you know it’s serious. 5,000,000 infected? The Covid -19, kung flu coronavirus , the state, and you!  What to do when they show up. How to get arrested. Anything you post on Instagram can and will be used against you. Contact tracing and that little tattle tale in your pocket you call a phone. Did I mentio...

I want to be a ho, but I don’t know how? Getting clients and  making money. How much can I make? Do I have to be really hot? How do I keep from being arrested? Is there always sex involved? That doesn’t sound like “Pretty Woman”.  Do I have to $%^+ really really gross people? You said I can make how much?!?!?!  With escorts, porn stars, crack hoes, hookers, purple hat pimps, crack smoking business...

Real courtroom war stories. Can you beat a DWI when you’re 3 times over the limit and piss yourself in the police car? What if you’re 5 times over the limit? What if you show up for court drunk? What if you show up for court high?  What if you don’t show up at all?  Will I go to jail? What do most people get in a plea bargain? What is the optimal plea bargain? Can I get out of it without a trial?...

I’m a whore. How to not get pulled over.  You have the right to remain silent, but do you have the ability?  The catch all of “or otherwise impaired” and how you can get a DWI for prescription meds, or even cold medicine.  Field sobriety tests are a joke, and optional. No refusal weekends are false advertising.  Why do I keep getting pulled over?  Screwing up the prosecution’s case.  Can you beat...

Are you a serial killer? Do you binge watch Investigation Discovery (ID) aka the murder network? Do you drive a Camry? Does your Home Depot or Lowes receipt read shovel, sawzall, lime, lawn size trash bags? Do you own a pig farm? Including murder and housekeepers, murder for hire, murder as a D.I.Y. project, phone a friend, accidents, suicides and ask a Clinton.

Where’s my stuff? Hey, where are my kids? What happened?!?!? Domestic violence, forensic accountants, offshore accounts and a gazillion dollars, oh my! What is yours, theirs and y’alls? The common law pitfall, beatin and cheatin and the Hoe 01-K retirement plan.  Avoiding the psycho spouse. Hide that money! Prenups and kids, methheads and joint custody and getting it all back, even the kids.

The second amendment, why it is there, and what it really means.  Democrats suck, but so do republicans, the left wing and the right wing are on the same bird.  Drunk Nancy Pelosi. Could you representatives and senators just go home already. Schiff rode the short bus to law school. Virginia Governor Ralph Northam is a psycho drama-queen who is attempting to ban all guns from Virginia, except maybe...

Be afraid, be very very afraid of the Wuhan coronavirus, SARS and Mers. The Kung flu and you. I go all Alex Jones/Art Bell on you guys. If everyone wouldn’t be dead by then I’d save this one for Halloween.  China is lying, the CDC is lying, The WHO is lying, and the US is lying. 100 Million quarantined and 100,000 dead. Who knows? Weibo knows. The infection rate is 14, which is an off the chart, e...

When can a cop kick you door in (hint, it's not just when you're being loud and drunk). But what if I'm in the middle of a murder? Probable cause and a pool full of drunks, screaming victims and gunshots. Fake warrants from real cops and never answer the door naked, because that's how you'll be going to jail. How not to act when disposing of a body. Don't sell little Timmy meth (he's a narc). Diso...

Why all letters are offensive and therefore we should talk in suggestive grunts or  emojis, but wait, they’re offensive too. Burger King offends a million fragile outrage addicted moms, but who was feeding the 2.3 million kids this weekend and what’s the deal with the .7 kid? Hey B-word, where’s my sandwich?  George Carlin’s seven words made a federal case out of language, don’t be a d-word and th...

What if Ted Nugent was up in the sky throwing warheads at terrorists? Does Qassem Soleimani still get his 72 virgins if he shows up to paradise in a bucket? Why you should not mess with America. With bonus roided up pit bulls, Arnold Schwarzenegger, the 80’s were cool, musical massacres, 32 threats, 52 hostages and 72 virgins, oh my.

Keith Thomas Kinnunen West Freeway Church of Christ in White Settlement shooting, Jack Wilson is a great shot, Texas gun laws, if it don’t work in Chicago stop doing it! Gun control equals more murders.  Luby’s massacre, why our gun laws are better than yours, don’t mess with a Garland cop.  Desert Eagle in the truck vs. 380 in my pocket.  Picking on the democrats.  When seconds count, the police...

Harry Potter breaks bad, witches and socialists and dictators oh my! It’s all fun and games until they dig you up and snort your bones. Did we mention witches? More witches. Socialist Satanists, Leftist Satanists, Commie Satanists, Statist Satanists. Our poor are rich compared to the global poor. Ever seen a skinny homeless guy? With bonus meth coupons, drunk Nancy, they’ll take our guns and don’t...

Part 1 of 2. We talk with a Venezuelan about what socialism does to a country, hint, it’s not good. With missing billions, witchcraft, the Socialist weight loss plan, those pesky socialistic millennials, government indoctrination camps on our shores, more witchcraft, that bread is $1000, now its $15000, wait, now it’s $100,000, Facebook and Twitter are de-facto totalitarian governmental agencies. ...

What do you do when you have no facts? Put on experts, with bonus Baron bashing, lying under oath, OMG, is that a Clinton, Karlan trying and testilying. Democrat superheroes Noah Feldman, Pam Karlan, and Michael Gerhardt will say anything to get Trump out. Hillary Clinton is on her way back for another shot. We explain indictments. Nadler pulls his pants up so far it changes his mind. Super bonus,...

Coach Trump meets super ninja hearsay. Is Schiff a child molesting kewpie doll, or does he just look like one. Featuring Drunk Nancy Pelosi, Sleepy Joe Biden, Horny Hunter Biden, OMG, a Clinton, double OMG, two Clintons! Really expensive BJ’s. Mueller? Mueller? Mueller? The deep state and you. The whistleblower who blew no whistle and has no name.  Poo and needles in District Pelosi.  Did Sondland...

Lying, cheating, pawning rings, swapping out diamonds, 14th husbands, I told you I was a whore when you met me, and other hints your relationship might be ending.

Setting up a couple of friends is like vouching for someone with the mob, purple hats and Cadillacs, is she trained or just a train wreck, how much is that Ukrainian in the window? With bonus capitalist pig idea for Ho Max, panda fluffers, chubby chasers, coke whores, and Match dot NO.

Today we talk about celebrity jailbirds like Lil Kim, Felicity Huffman and also the difference between jail and prison, hint, it’s all in the raping. Bonus Coke, Meth and Molly, Starck club memories we can’t remember, radio tales, The Evil Lawyer goes to jail for contempt, drunk judges, Shameless, and Martha Stewart chilling with Snoop Dogg.

Frankenmom goes to sue. Want her boy James called Luna too. Dad sues back and what a mess. Can we make this little boy wear a dress? With Kim Harmon Gatlin of GCB and Rich Emberlin of RHOD #savejames

Should gold digging be an Olympic Sport? The money man vs. the dick man. Are personal trainers the divorced woman equivalent of strippers for the divorced man? Is everyone a cheating thieving, worn out, battle scarred user? Relationship talk from The Evil Lawyer, with bonus butt stuff, cutters and vasectomies oh my.

The Evil Lawyer and Kim Harmon Gatlin pose and answer: what is mate poaching?  Can cheaters make it with their own kind or is it just a good idea because it keeps them away from the rest of us? Can a relationship that starts with cheating every work? Can you have trust when you both have proven to be liars?

The Evil Lawyer speaks with Rich Emberlin of RHOD, Dallas Swat and Live PD about Joshua Brown's murder, conspiracies,  prison ink, when is the right time to rub out a witness, circumcision scars, Beto O'Rourke, AOC, Julian Castro, crack whores, appeals and new trials, riots part 5, and how badly the Dallas Cowboys suck.