TransPanTastic: Transgender parenting, work, marriage, transition, and life!

After a year and a half of ridiculous stress levels caused by things like Child#2's mom trying to move them away but sending him back, George nearly being killed by his intestines, Child#2's behaviour outgrowing his meds, Jess' job change being exponentially more time and effort than advertised, various elderlies' illnesses, holidays, false abuse allegations and pursuant visitation issues, George'...

Some folks alleviate dysphoria by packing, feeling better with the "bulge" where it belongs. Other folks find the process of packing to increase their dysphoria, because it is a persistent reminder of something being missing. George finds himself caught in the middle of these two mindsets, with the physical discomfort and persistent inconvenience of managing packers that don't quite fit right, and...

The kids are ridiculous. Parenting is bizarre. Making queer friends in the middle of nowhere is difficult. Poker isn't really a card game. We are here to share our entire intersectional experience with anyone who finds it beneficial, but we want to know what you connect with the most. You can let us know by clicking to a one-question anonymous survey at  vote.pollcode.com/32371374 . If you have a...

Most members of minority communities encounter experiences that they know wouldn't happen to members of the majority community or dominant demographic. "That wouldn't happen if..." or "They only say that because..." is not an uncommon refrain, not only among queer and trans communities, but also among POCs, religious minorities, and differently abled persons. Between Jess' new job and being percie...

When George's ex (Child#2's other mom) accused Jess of abuse, everyone knew it was bunk, but nobody realized just how much trouble she would continue to make in the long run. But even when it's not being complicated by difficult adults, parenting is still hard, and as our two youngest become tweens, we are doing our best to continue to be good parents and good people. We are here to share our enti...

Jess has had some trouble with coworkers and employers percieving their direct demeanor as unsettling or off-putting. This is not an uncommon experience for AFAB persons who have a more masculine way of being in the world, but the ubiquity of the experience doesn't make it any more pleasant. They got a new job last year, but felt it to be a poor fit, so attempted to find a different position this...

When you're going to encounter a new situation, it's often a good idea to do a little research. We went to LoveLoud, a one-day music festival in Utah that benefits charities supporting LGBTQ youth. The music was great, the host was awesome, and visiting friends in Salt Lake City was wonderful. Visiting the Mormon Temple complex in trans pride clothing was interesting. George isn't stealth at work,...

The process of caring for a relative in hospice is never easy. The process of managing care duties and communicating with extended family and caring for our own kids left us drained, but George's mom is no longer in pain and the responsibilities are getting managed. Now if we could just get all the old people to quit "she"ing him and making themselves look like crazy old people, we'd be good. We a...

After the shock of being accused of Jess abusing Child#2 and George allowing him to be abused, we found our footing back in reality as the surrounding circumstances began to shed light on the missing parts of the story. Jess didn't hurt her kid, George wasn't neglectful, and Child#2 and his other mom are both bullies who see themselves as victims. The damage is done, and we're still picking up the...

Child#2 was adopted by George before his transition, in a time when almost nowhere allowed same-sex second parent adoption. In his infinite goodness, he continued to provide his ex a form of joint physical custody, and numerous supports for her to be an effective parent. As a spoonie, she has been in and out of her child's life with no judgment or ill will from us, but the most recent time she cam...

Oh, wait, it's pride month? Jess' history with pride events is fairly limited, but George has been to many over the years. From "accidentally" attending a parade in Chicago as an egg-mode high-schooler, to bar hopping in Hawaii, to the first Dyke March in San Francisco, to Child#2 walking in the Trans March in his socks, he's been around the block a bit, but that doesn't stop us from planning for...

While trying to manage George's mom's health care (in between all the other nonsense we deal with on a regular basis) we realized that his straight white male privilege doesn't go as far in female-led settings as it does in more heterogeneously gendered settings. Between her previously mentioned broken shoulder, three hospital visits, uncontrolled diabetes, an antibiotic-resistant UTI, c.diff, and...

Dysphoria sucks. As a genderqueer person, some of our culture's homophobic and transphobic framing of fluidity has seeped into Jess' psyche, as evidenced by their reaction to a recent discussion about their dysphoria. Jess' dysphoria as a nonbinary person is different from George's dysphoria as a binary trans man, but they share some similarities. George uses STP's made from half-gallon plastic ju...

George's mom broke her shoulder, Child#2's other mom also had a medical emergency, and both of these things happened on the same day that George had two appointments and Child#2 had one. George's anxiety has anxiety, his mom still can't use the right pronouns and doesn't even recognize him half the time when she percieves him as male, but he still feels spoiled because Jess does his shot. Brightsi...

We have the busy. We had bed bugs. We have less furniture. The changing furniture is not related to the bed bugs. We have still more busy. When we're not busy managing bed bugs, or giving our kid's other mom's old furniture back to her, or parenting, or working, sometimes we like to relax with a book, a movie, a podcast, or a TV show. Media we mentioned or enjoy: TV Take My Wife Poirot Instinct Do...

Our challenges are "mildly" increased lately, and by "mildly" we mean completely and entirely. Just like Jess is "mildly" tech-addicted, and George is "mildly" overscheduled. But we stay afloat as we usually do, with lots of "mild" coping humor and the blessing of therapists who aren't gender-dumb. We are here to share our entire intersectional experience with anyone who finds it beneficial, but w...

George and Jess have been like ships passing in the night lately, often near but rarely interacting with one another, because of extra responsibilities and challenging circumstances. So today, at a distance, we engaged in some "first date" conversation starters, just to re-engage with one another and make sure we could have a conversation. We are here to share our entire intersectional experience...

While we were at Gallifrey One, we got the opportunity to sit down with one member of the amazing queer Doctor Who pocast, The Web Of Queer. Mikayla is a non-binary aromantic asexual from Ontario, Canada. They were introduced to Doctor Who in 2007, when they started watching it out of self defence in their first year of university. Much to their surprise, they discovered that they actually liked t...

Getting ready to go to Gallifrey One, like any time we need to leave our kids and other responsibilities behind, is always a challenge. It's our one time each year that we genuinely reserve for only ourselves, but we never get to be actually responsibility-free, and it's sometimes more work to prepare the responsibilities to be left than it would be to just stay and manage them. George's work sche...

When Jess and George first met, George noted Jess' odd inability to notice or remember certain details unless they were pointed out. They could tell you the title of that one Star Trek episode with "that one thing that did the thing", but they couldn't remember where they put their glasses or when their next staff meeting was supposed to be. They would vacuum and scrub and dust but leave that once...

We're blessed today to speak with our favorite "cissy", Peterson Toscano. Through his one-person comedies and lively lectures, he has delighted audiences throughout North America, Europe, and Africa as he takes on social justice concerns. His plays and talks humorously explore the serious topics of LGBTQ issues, sexism, racism, privilege, gender, and climate change. You can learn more about his wo...

The holidays happened. As often, in blended families, they happened on the "wrong" day. As often, in *our* family, they came with the usual nonsense of crazy old people, crazy small people, and Jess and George trying not to catch the crazy. Then George took Child#2 and hopped on a plane to his sister's house, where things were amazingly heteronormative, and he didn't catch the crazy but he might h...

George's male privilege has, generally, made his life easier at work, but there are some ways in which the changes haven't made his job easier. Jess' new position has also had gendery oddness, and they have noticed many more effects of privilege, both from gender and from class. But as a teacher, Jess is happy to have created a culture in their classroom that offers students the freedom to be them...

After her eye surgery, George got five calls in three days from his mother, who really should've called 911 instead of him each time. Jess should know by now to expect George's elderly and increasingly senile relatives to act like toddlers. It shouldn't come as a surprise to them when his aunt has a temper tantrum, or when his mother refuses to use her walker because "I can do it myself!", but her...

Flamingoes? Meh. Depression and transition. They are things. They affect one another. George shares his experiences. Jess pokes him. We have a conversation about depression and gender dysphoria. Can you hear George's brainfog? And what is "Gender Lite"? Or is it "GenderLight!!!"? Could we hang Gender Lights on the awning when the Christmas Lights come down? We are here to share our entire intersec...