Total Relaxation

Should you avoid being happy JUST IN CASE? We plunge head-first into Oedipal waters with Travis Cannon to finally answer your burning questions like: What dog breed are you? Can you do pilates and botanical sketches? When will the other shoe drop? Gun to your head: worm or floater? Enjoy! Total Relaxation is a Hellgirl podcast. Cover art: Ariana Sauder Theme music: Voyeurism ✴︎ Instagram ✴︎ @total...

Food, water, shelter and CONSCIOUSNESS? We grope around in the dark trying to decipher what a need is, if we're allowed to have them and if so—how in the world to express them. Prepping for a Saturday afternoon serious talk with your romantic partner at a cafe? You're going to want to listen closely to the amazing wisdom in this ep. Also: Nancy wants to crush Emelia's ganglion cyst. Em...

What is bureaucracy? Where did it come from and why does it exist? We answer none of these important questions in this groundbreaking episode with comedy icon and reluctant rule follower, Tranna Wintour! Tune in to hear about Tranna's fear of filling out forms, engaging with bureaucratic structures and her patented system of adding "a little extra on top" (tipping the government). Pl...

Absolute fear and anxiety legend Emma Overton stops by the bedroom closet and she’s brought a veritable feast of delights. Enclosed spaces. Existential jails of the mind. Other realms. A horse’s lifetime. Living forever? No thanks! Logically, you should be able to interact with other ghosts. Emma preys on Nancy. She can’t help it, she has eyes on the front of her head. The energy of a belly button...

Join us as we pop off on holiday season topics. We’ve each brought our NAUGHTY lists and we’re feeling an ineffable December melancholy that simply cannot be cured! Cozy up to a bowl of pulses and lentils in your lambswool smock and send a candle down the river, because the holidays are about Wintering and mourning. On today’s ep: The Zoloft has worn off. Getting to the edge of vitamin D poisoning...

Spider-Ban, Spider-Ban, Let’s impose a spider ban, Gorgeous webs, Too many eyes, Barely catching any flies, Look out, Here comes a Spider Ban!  Ban all spiders!!!  This week we’re blessed by the presence of the deeply arachnophobic James Watts! Talking about: childhood spider therapy. Willem Dafoe human-sized goblin in the ceiling. Daddy Longlegs myths. Pranks. Barely-limbs baby (BLB). Susan Saran...

FINALLY we get into the voice (a huge problem). Cozy ASMR holiday unboxing alert!! Ordering oats as a stress response. Nancy has her grandfather’s brows. Finding your note. Princess Diana’s vocal coach. Emelia’s Margaret Thatcher impression. Paris Hilton battles her mask. Men throw cash at Elizabeth Holmes. Nara Smith is German. The urge to fit in. “Decanting the ham” voice. Learning to say no. Be...

Paging Dr. Jung! We welcome writer/director and practical effects genius Kaye Adelaide to the pod to talk about her recurring nightmares about labyrinthine bathrooms. Also: The Row boots at a dog’s birthday. Inflatable chrome bubble suit. We’ve fled the closet. Cooking oneself in a scalding bath. Bee vs lizard. Big hot rock. When the queen turns off the pheromone. Bacon neighbours. Hot tubs full o...

Ever look at a photo of yourself and think: Love her, but who is she? This week on the pod: Investigating Aliens. This planet is clownery. Getting yoinked by the G forces. Why can’t a romantic partner take a good photo? The light in the eyes has dimmed. Subtract 2 years from age, add 10 years  of suffering to the eyes. Emelia's thinking about gym chalk. ASMR interlude. Nasolabial folds. A global g...

Well, well, well, looks like two little podcast hosts have their very first guest . It's Halloweeeeeeen and the spooky crazy Classical sculpture-hating "final they" themselves, Andi McQueen stops by to discuss one of their big F's (fears). Dolls, wax figures and those bean bag clowns with glass heads. The Uncanny Valley. The Corpse Effect. The Ancient Spirit Within. Emelia's least favourite Christ...

You are about to enter another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind. It is the borderland between the unknown and the impossible, a place we call… The Particle Dimension . "Don’t make me a keyholder." Baby Julius (A24). Gasping, or "sighing up ". A schneeze is the ultimate release. Toothbrush near the toilet Y/N? Nancy reveals which SSRI she's on. Emelia asks: "Is life a...

Here we go again, another ep. Disclaimer! Talk of blood between 7 mins - 15 mins (maybe?) but nothing too crazy. Boil girl summer. The Traitors. Meltdown in a van. Stacy London. Nancy is not a cinephile. The hell of monoculture. What’s in a Gen Z’s tiny purse? Making a raucous. Being a narc. Cauliflower ear. Barely audible Ricky Martin. Returning to extreme expressions of pain (as a culture). Seag...

Episode 2 already?? Our society is addicted to productivity. This week: Nancy gets bullied by teens. Lying on the floor. Let the snakes take you. "Thank you anxiety". Bag of B12. Emelia's Two-day Wellness Experience fantasy. I'm not your mom, guys. Girl bullying. Emelia's bowl cut. Emelia's tailbone injury. Years lost to doing the perfect messy bun. Nancy needs to work on the voice. "Going from ch...

Welcome to Total Relaxation, a podcast about fears, anxieties, and things that make us go "aah!" This week: Emelia's fear of getting stuck in a narrow tube. Also: Nancy's Big Greek Vacation. The seams on a waterslide. The age-old horror of getting trapped in a garment while trying it on. The powerful iconography of the Grinch in the chimney. Gymnastics at a facility. Signing a waiver form as a chi...