TOTAL MASSACRE

"It is a play about dating. It's not a play just about death. It's about everything. Dating, birth, death, life, family—all that." TOTAL MASSACRE returns, kind of, with a show about Charlie Kaufman's masterpiece/self-indulgent waste, SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK, or, a man will invent an entire world of nestled plays within plays rather than admit he might have gender dysphoria. The actor playing Rowan Ka...

Our project getting into the Teen Girl High School Social Satire Canon requires a delve into John Hughes, and we've picked THE BREAKFAST CLUB, because it's the best, least problematic, and somehow Rowan never saw it before this? Anyway enjoy a bunch of millennials poking holes in a Gen X masterpiece--nah, we all loved it, all three of us Ally Sheedys. 

They're all gonna laugh at you. TOTAL MASSACRE starts its foray into the teen girl high school social satire canon with CARRIE, a film that may not be satire, but it's very concerned with many of the same things, as Rowan argues, and is a tremendous influential film and story overall, as special guest Zack Handlen argues. Does first-time viewer Christy Admiraal agree? What is the difference betwee...

It's all led to this. Over a hundred episodes of action movies, science fiction movies, crime lesbian movies, and Gerwig movies has to our apotheosis: LADY BIRD. Why did Kev redefine their life about this movie? Why was Rowan terrified about how close to home it would hit? Why was special guest/new co-host (kinda) Christy Admiraal excited to join us? How astonishing is this cast? How great are the...

Gerwig month continues with Mistress America, a film about what happens when you get the coolest step-sister of all time who's also a total loser but then the film isn't actually about her, it's about you, and you don't like what you find out about yourself. Plus girlbossing, and tweets! Rowan and Kev are joined by Mistress America superfan Grace Robertson to talk what happens when it all goes wro...

TOTAL MASSACRE is going through a rough time. Our best friend Carli got other things to do in life instead of hanging out with us all time (congrats Carli!) Fiasco month didn't get us hired for the Christmas show. We've had to turn to our comfort films. That's right, after action, after science fiction, it is time for GRETA GERWIG MONTH (early). We begin with FRANCES HA, written by and starring th...

TOTAL MASSACRE's Fiasco month concludes with Southland Tales, Richard Kelly's 2006 disasterpiece of a followup to Donnie Darko. It's a movie that's very angry about George W Bush, ineffective liberals, racist cops, and rampant nationalist consumerism, and boy does it want to deal with all those things at once, with wildly varying effectiveness. We talk about Sarah Michelle Gellar, SNL alumni, Amy...

Fiasco month(s) continues with the Wachowskis' and Tom Twyker's masterfiascopiece, CLOUD ATLAS, a film about the indominatible power of the human spirit and also Halle Berry as an evil elderly Korean doctor. Chris Dole guests alongside Rowan and Kev to talk about the movie that is one of the most movies. It's a lot, in fact six different movies, but also most of them seem good! The cast is great!...

Fiasco Month at Total Massacre kicks off with the original overly ambitious sci-fi fiasco, Fritz Lang's Metropolis. Guest Val McKenna joins Carli and Kev in discussing this movie's troubled production but also its incredible look and wonderful performances. Listen now, and maybe you too will want to rise up and overthrow your masters.

Rowan gets a well deserved Cronenbergsmas rest as the helpful spirits of Carli, Kev, and special guest Noel Kirkpatrick discuss Scanners... sort of. We talk about how Scanners is the Cronenberg of past, present, and Cronenbergs yet to come, which actors make the best Scanners face, that one scene (you know the one), plus cool jackets. There's also a lot of loopy tangents. Enjoy!

Merry Cronenbergsmas! We're buzzing to bring your our next episode on Cronenberg's classic, THE FLY, a delightfully weird little film about everything that can go wrong when journalists hook up with their sources. Rowan, Carli, and Kev are joined by special guest Carl Garcia to talk about body horror, pacing, Jeff Goldblum's bizarrely perfect delivery, terrible ex-boyfriends, and the second aborti...

Television: good, or bad? This and all other questions surrounding the medium of television will be answered by VIDEODROME and the ensuing TOTAL MASSACRE podcast about VIDEODROME, starring Rowan Kaiser, Carli Velocci, Kev Koeser, and special guest Julie Muncy. These questions include: how far would you go for Debbie Harry? James Woods: sleazy or creepazoid? Is samurai porn the prestige tv of the 8...

CRIME LESBIAN Month concludes with BOUND, The Wachowskis before-its-time erotic thriller from 1996. It's a well-loved movie for Rowan, Kev, special guest Alex Welch, and...wait, Carli doesn't like it? Well that just got spicy. Actually we're all very respectful and have a frank exchange of opinions about the Wachowskis' eggness, Gina Gershon and Jennifer Tilly's chemistry, Joey Pants kinda taking...

Critical support to women's wrongs, as Crime Lesbian Month continues with 2024's LOVE LIES BLEEDING. It's a nasty little thriller which shows how far Kristen Stewart has come as a weirdo since her TWILIGHT days, and Rowan, Kev, and Carli with special guest Stella Sacco are entirely on board for it. We talk about how it's a horny movie but not a sexy one, the wide variety of mullets on display, and...

CRIME LESBIAN CRIME LESBIAN CRIME LESBIAN IT'S CRIME LESBIAN MONTH for Rowan's birthday, and we're kicking it off with Park Chan-Wook's lesbian thriller, THE HANDMAIDEN. Did it preface a decade of pop culture lesbians in the way OLDBOY did revenge action scenes in hallways? Is it one of Park's very best, or very worst, or both? How hot is that amateur dentistry? What's with that guy's eyebrows? Sh...

October's cosmic horror month concludes with the reason for the season: ANNIHILATION (2018), a film all three hosts and special guest from RogerEbert.com and New York Magazine Matt Zoller Seitz all excited to get into it. We talk about what makes for a pure science fiction experience, differences between the book and the film, ANNIHILATION as the anti-blockbuster, deals with the fey, and of course...

TOTAL MASSACRE goes back to Lovecraft as we discuss COLOR OUT OF SPACE. Listen to us discuss how much substance is really beneath the surface of this movie, how this modern take diverges from the very 80s FROM BEYOND, and of course a lot of Nic Cage talk.

Cosmic horror month invades from another dimension, as TOTAL MASSACRE checks out Patreon suggestion FROM BEYOND, a 1986 adaptation of a Lovecraft short story with some of the gnarliest practical effects you've ever seen. Rowan, Kev, and Carli gather to investigate a scary old mansion filled with discussion of what cosmic horror means to us, why it's cool in spite of Lovecraft being a massive racis...

Zombie month concludes with a modern masterpiece of the genre, 2016's TRAIN TO BUSAN. It's a fast-paced, fast-zombie film that went viral in the streaming age, and Rowan, Carli, and special guest Bryant Francis are here to talk about why it totally deserved its acclaim. Uh, also, Kev is here and they didn't like it, so, surprise conflict amongst our survivors! 

Zombie month continues with RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD, a nihilist zombie horror-comedy that's both as authentically punk and fake Hollywood punk as you can get. Either way, the energy is good, the special effects are good, the characters are good, and Rowan, Kev, and guest Zack Handlen are all here having a great time. 

It's zombie month over on TOTAL MASSACRE, as Rowan, Carli, and Kev all check out a classic we've never actually seen before, DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978). We invite horror fan Jack McDonald along, and talk about tremendous editing, the rarity of seeing the collapse from the side of the people in authority, capitalism, how cool Ken Foree is, the implicit and explicit discussion of race, and how horror m...

TOTAL MASSACRE's Alien month concludes with the black sheep of the franchise that's the black sheep of franchises. ALIEN: RESURRECTION is widely considered the worst of the series or at least the original run, but what this podcast presupposes is: what if it's actually some weird, icky, goofy fun? Kev, Carli, and Rowan are all in agreement, as is special guests David Bednar, who runs down what act...

Alien month continues with yet another controversial, wildly visionary, endlessly compromised thriller with tremendous production design -- the first of that batch, David Fincher's ALIEN 3. It's a grim movie but a fun show, as Rowan, Kev, Carli, and new guest El Loughney discuss the massively different cuts, doomed production, how this all relates to Babylon 5, comedy xenomorph kills, and just how...

It's Alien month here, and we're having a nice calm episode of TOTAL MASSACRE as we do a leisurely scientific expedition of 2012's PROMETHEUS, where nobody has strong opinions, nobody has an agenda, and definitely nobody dies horribly from excessive arrogance, and DEFINITELY nobody has to have a horrific alien abortion that also removes all subtext from the body! Carli, Kev, and Rowan are joined b...

July is Will Smith month for TOTAL MASSACRE, so of course we have to start with INDEPENDENCE DAY, a film that was completely ubiquitous in 1996 and has kind of shockingly faded from public view given that it was THAT big and also it's pretty damn good? Cities are supposed to blow up, and they blow up. Bill Pullman, Jeff Goldblum, and Will Smith are present and good actors, and they act good and ch...