Tiny Bites of Wagaliciousness

Do you ever feel like you’re a fixer? Like everyone turns to you to fix their problems or the problems happening around you? First, congratulations – when people look to you for help, they’re seeing you as a leader and a problem solver. Second, in almost every situation, don’t fix their problems because that’s not your job. The best help you can offer is to help them sort through the options and f...

When life throws you a speedbump, stop. Take a breath. Consider the possibilities. When you automatically react, you often make a choice simply because it’s what you’ve done before or what you’ve seen done before. Take a moment to examine the situation, think about what the options are and the likely outcomes of each, and choose the one that feels the best, instead of the one that feels automatic....

There are always problems, and leaders deal with them in different ways. There’s a big difference between seeking the solution and placing blame. When you’re looking for the person to pin a problem on, you’re mired in the problem. When you’re looking for the solution, you’re in a more creative space, mentally – open to options, and being the kind of leader others like to be around. Placing blame i...

Do you have bad memories from childhood? Most of us have a few and sadly, some of us have a lot of bad childhood memories. What happened happened – you can’t un-happen it. You have the choice of either reliving those old stories inside your head, retelling them to others and keeping those bad memories alive, or you could let them fade into the background of your life. Every time you relive the bad...

Own your feelings. What does that mean? It means to embrace the fact that you feel the way you feel because of you . You’re not angry because someone cut you off in traffic, you’re angry because you took the action personally. You’re not hurt because someone didn’t call you when they said they would, you’re hurt because you set an expectation that you couldn’t control. And you’re not filled with l...

When you feel fear, remember that on the other side of the fear is a dream. In that moment of fear, ask yourself what you want. If you’re afraid you don’t have enough money, the dream is to have plenty of it. If you’re afraid your partner doesn’t love you anymore, the dream is that your love is as strong as it was when it was brand new. When you’re afraid, stop and ask yourself what the dream is....

Quick – what are you thinking about right this very minute? My guess is that you were thinking about something that has already happened or something that might happen at some point in the future. While it’s fun to let your mind time-travel, what are you missing right now? There’s only right now and right now is the only place you can do anything. Allowing your mind to wander instead of focus leav...

Do you beat yourself up with regrets about the past? Regret is a very mean thing to do to yourself – you’re creating sadness and helplessness and hopelessness inside your brain, which then sets up the chemical state of those emotions inside your body, doing long-term damage to your system. Think about it – you’re powerless to change the past. When you indulge in regrets you accomplish nothing exce...

No one can validate you except you. As humans, it’s natural for us to want approval from others – as a matter of fact, since the day we were born we’ve been taught to look to others for approval and validation. When you depend on others for your sense of self-worth, though, you give them way too much power over you. Decide who you are, what’s important to you, and use that as your yardstick for va...

Only people who are unhappy are mean to others. Really take that truth in – only people who are unhappy are mean to other people. People who bully are unhappy. People who are manipulative are unhappy. People who are suspicious are unhappy. When you understand that other peoples’ behavior is about who they are and how they feel about themselves, you’ll free yourself of the need to please everyone....

You know that wonderful feeling you get when you achieve greatness? That feeling when you have a peak experience? It’s because they don’t happen all the time that they are “peak experiences.” You can make yourself crazy trying to recreate peak experiences, or you can be happy that it happened and open to even more of them happening in the future. Those two feelings are completely different – inste...

Do you worry about what others think of you, your abilities and your actions? Sure, we want people to love us and approve of us and appreciate us, and it feels wonderful when they do. As a matter of fact, the approval of others gives us a shot of oxytocin, the hormone that promotes connectedness and a feeling of community. When you worry about what other people think of you, though, you usually wo...

Getting angry at team members who make mistakes only teaches them to hide their mistakes. I’m not telling you to never get angry again – we’re human and have a full range of emotions that we’re supposed to feel and use. It’s good to remember how those emotions feel to others, and how our behavior changes the way others act when they’re around us. Mistakes are normal – we all make them. When you st...

In a magazine interview from 1968, genius filmmaker Stanley Kubrik said, “However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light.” He was talking about life and the transformation of attitudes from childhood into adulthood, and about how we as humans make the choice to either become embittered by life or to recapture the wonder of childhood. Life throws us a lot of darkness at times – remember th...

Do you have a team member with a sharp tongue? Some people don’t understand the power of words to inflict damage so they don’t watch what they say to others. At your next team meeting, suggest to everyone that if someone hurts their feelings, pretend not to have heard them and calmly ask them to repeat what they just said. The hurtful words probably won’t be repeated – the culprit will clam up. An...

Poet Nick Laird wrote, “Time is how you spend your love.” It’s interesting, isn’t it, the concept of spending love. Time is a precious, priceless commodity – it is here and then it’s gone, never to return. We all have a finite amount of time – we don’t know how much – so giving some of our precious time to another is indeed giving them a great gift. When you give your time to someone, you’re carin...

Did you fail at something today? Yay…because that means you’re one step closer to getting it right. Maybe you do this too – I feel dumb when I get something wrong. It feels stressful until I remember to re-frame it for myself. You can do that, too – remind yourself that you weren’t born knowing everything and that living life is a continuous process of learning, adapting and growing. Celebrate you...

Moods are contagious – people can feel them even when no words are spoken. Our digestive system seems to do a lot more than just process our food. Researchers call it our enteric brain and are still studying what it and our primary brain are communicating about, because they communicate a LOT! Some scientists hypothesize that what we call a gut reaction is the enteric nervous system picking up clu...

When you think about the past, you’re thinking about it now. When you imagine the future, you’re imagining it now. Your brain reacts as if you’re living what it is you’re thinking about. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to be your own thought police. If you’re remembering something that happened and you’re feeling sad or angry or frustrated, your body is filled with adrenaline and...

Your words are powerful. People count on your words to know what you’re feeling, know what they’re supposed to do as aftercare for their pet, know what they’re supposed to do as their job – the list goes on. Words are powerful, so choose them carefully. When you hurt someone with words, you can apologize and that might help a little bit but it will never take away the other person’s memory of how...

Loss is inevitable. Everything that lives eventually stops living – no exceptions to that have been discovered on Planet Earth yet. Loss is inevitable, so why does it sometimes feel so personal? “If I’d taken better care of my dog she would have lived longer.” “If I’d remembered to water more often, my peace lily wouldn’t have died.” “If I’d…” – well, you get the idea, right? We take loss personal...

Feeling like an imposter today? What does that even mean? I mposter syndrome crops up for most people at some point in their lives, often when learning something new or doing something that you haven’t done many times. Imposter syndrome often shows up when someone is on the steep leg of the learning curve, and that’s just when they need to give themselves some grace. When that feeling of not being...

Just because you’re related to them, it doesn’t mean they can run rough-shod all over you. Do you have a family member who violates your boundaries? Ask yourself, “would I accept this kind of behavior from a client?” If the answer is no, then don’t accept it from a relative either. Don’t allow anyone to take advantage of you, even if the conversation to make it stop could be difficult. Come up wit...

Do you feel like a compassionate person? This is a pretty stupid question to ask you, I know – you do what you do from a deep sense of compassion. So when you make a mistake, where does your compassion go? When you have to ask for help, where does your compassion go? When you say words you wish you hadn’t said, where does your compassion go? You are a compassionate person and you’re also human. Be...

Resiliency is a muscle you can build. It’s the ability to adapt to new situations. You’ve done that your whole life. Resiliency is gracefully letting go of the things you can’t control. OK, for most of us, this one is a bit harder, and when you learn to let go you’ll feel the wisdom and peace of it. Resiliency is holding your calm center as the storm swirls around you. Resiliency is reme...