Tiny Bites of Wagaliciousness

Have you ever had to cut someone out of your life? That’s a hard decision to come to, and if it’s one you’ve been through, you know there are two hard parts to doing it: the actual event, and the feelings you have about doing it. Once upon a time a boyfriend who had some of his things in my house hit me. I knew he wasn’t Mr. Forever, though I never dreamed he would be Mr. Physical Abuser. I called...

Were you ever a lifeguard? If you took lifeguard training, there was probably one thing they told you that shocked you, and that you vowed you could never do: let someone drown. Lifeguards are taught how to create flotation devices out of everyday pieces of clothing, how to safely approach, calm, and secure a drowning person, and when to know that “safely” isn’t possible. A drowning person is...

Did someone betray your trust? Was it today, or was it a long time ago? Chances are, the betrayals feel pretty much the same, no matter when they happened. Betrayal hurts. We trusted, maybe even loved someone deeply, and it feels like they used that trust against us. They didn’t really…they just very clearly showed us who they are. Why do old betrayals still hurt so much? Because our brains can’t...

The world is out to get you. Really…it’s out to get me, too. What do I mean by that? Everywhere we look, we’re shown and told how we’re supposed to look, what we’re supposed to want to eat, what we’re supposed to drive, live in, live with, give birth to…it’s exhausting! And if we’re not careful, all of those messages can become yardsticks we measure ourselves by, and then judge ourselves as succee...

I’m about to say something to you and I don’t mean to get between you and your religious convictions – this is about your life, not your faith. Suffering does not equal virtuousness. Seriously! If you’re in the habit of “going along to get along” when you’d really rather scream, know this – you’re suffering and screaming inside, and it’s hurting your body and your soul. I’ve been guilty of this, t...

Do you manage people? Do you know what your turnover rate is? Even before the pandemic, employees were nowhere near as likely to stay with a company for years and years, as their parents had. Post-pandemic, turnover has become a major problem in many industries. Here’s how you find your turnover rate – take the number of employees who’ve left in the last 12 months, divide that number by the number...

Do you remember learning how to ride a bike? Swim in open water? Drive a car? Pick one and try to conjure up how you felt as you were preparing to do it for the first time. If you’re remembering feelings of excitement, nervousness, and maybe even sweaty-palms, heart-palpitations fear, then welcome to the human race, because that how we all usually feel before we do something for the first time. If...

This morning I had an irritating and enlightening experience. I was driving on a two-lane road, going slightly over the speed limit, and was being tailgated. Aggressively tailgated. The driver would drop back a little, then speed up, coming back up fast and so close I couldn’t see the taillights or grill of their car. I kept driving, and kept being more and more irritated by this stupid, dangerous...

Have you ever seen someone comment on a post as if they were personally, highly, insulted by it? And you read what insulted them and can’t figure out why they’re so upset? Listen up and I’ll tell you why: They think it’s about them. Seriously – even when the person who wrote the post couldn’t possibly know the offended person, the offended person feels justified in their righteous indignation beca...

You can’t pour from an empty cup. You can’t give what you don’t have. You owe yourself the love that you so freely give other people. These adages and a million more are things you’ve probably heard and maybe never really thought about. For one minute, examine the words. When you’re down to your last nerve, are you your best self? When you’re exhausted, are you useful to anyone? When you’re in the...

Do you find yourself criticizing yourself a lot? Sadly, many people do, and it’s a very tough habit to break. If you want to lead a happier, more successful life, it’s a habit you MUST break, and you can break. It isn’t easy and it is possible using these steps. First, notice when you’re hard on yourself, saying things like “I’m so dumb” or “I’m a failure” or “I’ll never [fill in the blank with th...

Is there something you want to do, and you’re afraid to take the steps necessary to get it done? Oh, that’s such a human characteristic! Think of the journey to this new experience as a thickly wooded area, and the thing you want to do is on the other side of the woods. In order to get there, you have to move through those woods somehow, some way. Looking at the woods from afar, they look impenetr...

Are you open to new experiences? Most people think they are, yet they stay stuck in the same old routine. They have their list of “someday” things – someday they’ll see the world, someday they’ll get married, someday they'll...whatever – and they don’t do the things that can help them get closer to “someday.” Maybe it’s the fear of the unknown, or maybe it’s because they’re so comfortable in their...

Want to be more in control of your life? Be more in control of your brain. Your brain does a lot of things automatically, like keeping your heart and lungs working. Those are good things. Your brain also does a lot of things automatically, and some of them are not good things. Do you get irritated when you get caught at red lights? I used to, too, because I like to drive and stopping doesn’t equal...

Do you have a dear friend whose tone of voice or words to you sometimes feels like an indictment of who you are? Most of us have a friend like that – someone who would do anything in the world for you, is there when you need them, and occasionally sounds like they seriously disapprove of you over something trivial. I remember when I was sharing a hotel room with a friend, hadn’t finished getting d...

As a child, did you ever have the experience of losing control of your balloon string and watching the balloon sail away from you? I remember vividly the day an especially beautiful helium balloon got away from my little six-year-old hand and soared into the sky until it was too tiny to even see. As I cried, mom redirected my attention to something fun and a lot closer until the sting of losing th...

Are you waiting for an apology from someone? If so, why? Before you give a knee-jerk reply to that question, ask yourself why the apology matters. Is it because your feelings were hurt? Is it because you were right and they were wrong? Is it because you need some sort of closure? What if I told you that an apology isn’t the answer to any of those questions? Your feelings belong to you, not to anyo...

Do you work with someone who is stubbornly, doggedly determined to do something, even when that “something” seems unnecessary or maybe even useless? For example, say a vet hospital employee is doing inventory of the prescription drugs, is told to discard any out-of-date drugs without counting them, and counts them anyway. To you, that may seem to be a waste of time and effort, and to the employee...

Have you ever stared at a large body of water and were mesmerized by the way the waves come and go? I love salt water and the way it interacts with a sandy shoreline, and when I’m anywhere near a beach, you can bet my toes will be on it. When you stand and watch, the waves are all very similar and yet completely different. They’re all reaching for the sand, maybe getting tall enough as the water’s...

Have you ever been completely sure of something, so sure you maybe even argued your point with someone? It’s something you’ve believed your whole life, so it felt like beliefs in opposition had to be wrong? Right? And then you learned something that made you question what you believed? Yay, you! You’ve bucked your brain’s tendency to hold on to a belief, and allowed yourself to consider opposing v...

Do you love memes, too? I love how people can distill wisdom into just a few words and create a compelling reminder of something I know and maybe have forgotten to use in daily life. A friend posted a meme recently that said, “May your self-love be stronger than your self-doubt.” What a powerful reminder of how our inner dialogue can either support us or sabotage us. And it’s a potent reminder of...

When you were a small child, there was so much to learn – you had to learn to roll over, then crawl, then walk, at the same time you were learning language and behavior. Then there were all those years of school, where you learned things that you might need someday, along with other things you never will. Wittgenstein's Ladder, anyone? Now that you’re launched into adulthood, do you still focus on...

Do you ever feel wagalicious? What the heck is wagalicious, you may ask? Have you ever seen a dog so happy that it seemed like their tail was wagging them? Maybe they’re happy to see their favorite human, or happy to get a cookie, or happy to chase a ball? Dogs are masters at being in the present moment – they don’t worry about what happened 5 minutes ago, 5 hours ago, or 5 days ago, and they don’...

Did you ever trip in public and reflexively look around to see if anyone saw you? That’s an example of the spotlight effect and is an almost universal reaction. Our brains are hard-wired to care what others think of us, as an evolutionary development that helps us feel connected to those in our immediate families and communities. Some people feel the spotlight effect in circumstances where they’ve...

Is there someone in your life who’s always telling you to calm down…be quiet…bite your tongue? Unless they have somehow come to own you, do you know you’re allowed to disregard their desires? It doesn’t matter if they’re your boss, your parent, your partner…whoever. They are not the boss of you. When others tell you to change yourself so they can feel better, they’re telling you how you affect the...