Three Dogs North

I say we take an M-80 to the toilet bowl of the American University. Wouldn’t that sound good with a little Aerosmith in the background?

Don’t have a vacuous life now so you can have a full one later. Have an adventure instead.

Can we still have a reasonable discussion about a male-only priesthood in a post-“Junior”-starring-Arnold-Schwarzeneggar world? You’ll just have to listen to find out.

Let’s be honest, at our best we feel like A.C. Slater climbing onto a backwards chair. But there are the Screech moments as well.

If heaven’s only good enough for you if other people can’t have it, then you’re not ready for it yet. But don’t beat yourself up about it.

If you steal root beer and then lie about it, you’re trying to kill Aslan. And, by the way, you might as well forget about trying to turn a baseball card into a dinosaur.

It doesn’t take a Sherlock Holmes to figure out the difference between Old and New Testaments. A water bottle and a little mercy go a long way.

You’re eating a burrito and you notice a monster rose right over your shoulder. Just remember that yellow is for friendship.

Monday bonus! When it comes to a good beard, there’s just not that much to be said. We defy this principle. (Feat. Dmac)

It could be incense or it could be cheese in a can, but the moment you smell it you think, “I don’t know what it is, but I want it.” This podcast brought to you by Tide Bleach. (Feat. Dmac)

It might be a video of a figure skater with overdubbed flatulence, but some things just have to be shared. “You can have your thing and we’ll have ours” is costing us lives, people.

If you’re looking for silver or gold you’re barking up the wrong tree. You might be able to squeeze some breviaries out of us if your timing is good, though.

Ochocinco tweeted at you. Now you have an hour to figure out how twitter works. You should probably ask someone other than us.

Vladimir Putin might be trying to infiltrate the seminary and kids are stabbing each other with tacks in Mike’s catechism class. We really need to work on our group energy.

Do you think we can put this Vatican up on Craigslist? Imagine how many five dollar foot longs we could afford. We’re going to be masters of divinity, after all. I think we know what we’re talking about, God.

Which is stronger, the Rite of Exorcism, the Sacrament of Penance, or a Super-soaker full of holy water? Why don’t you just read my palm and tell me to hop on one foot and we can call it good.

Juice got up early this morning warm and well-fed, because Christianity is not something you just sit around a podcast about. (Feat. Dmac)

How do you make a building represent “God to the third power”? Spoiler alert: the answer is “make it a cube”. And in case you were wondering, you and not it are deficient. (Feat. Dmac)

A brief conversation about babies, both human and divine. The demons in the radiators don’t want you to hear this. (Feat. Dmac)

Your gold medal is going to be lava in the core of the earth someday, so just please come back home.

Dennis Rodman, Bill Murray, St. Francis of Assisi, Homer Simpson, and the Dali Lama. Are we all just Legos after all?

Hollywood wants you to have your cake and eat it too. Choose one.

That kind of conduct is unbecoming of patrons of “Juice’s Cigar Palace”. Kindly man up, and please change the channel.

It’s Stephen A. Douglas, not Frederick Douglass. You get less points now.