This Week in the Ancient Near East

Iron Age Hazor sat in the middle of a complicated geo-political situation: Aram-Damascus to the north, the Phoenicians to the northwest, and Israel to the south. This made no difference to cows, who were taken to graze all over regardless of what the map said. Of course, they couldn’t read maps. Except maybe cow 5754. Suspicious. With a host of bovine reminiscences from your hosts!

The Assyrian king Sennacherib’s throne room depicted gruesome scenes of warfare and visitors got the message that he was not to be defied. But now it seems that at the end of all the scenes of siege, torture and exile, there’s Judean king Hezekiah, standing alone. So what’s the real message? You don’t want to be the star of an Assyrian relief.

New photographic techniques have shown that that walls in Pompeii were covered with graffiti, including pictures of gladiator fights, lewd poetry, and inscriptions in non-local languages like Safaitic. So sort of like New York City subways in the 1970s. Who says the past doesn’t repeat itself?

A new study suggests that Iron Age Judean grandparents lived on the ground floor. Sure, it’s not like they were going up and down the ladder to the roof. But did they get their own suites and hey hey stop that, that’s a cooking pot!

The discovery of an elephant bone in third century BCE Spain has us asking questions. Was the circus in town or was it a war elephant, like one of those Hannibal used to climb the Alps? But where did it come from and how did Carthaginians learn to drive them? After all, the trunk is in the front.

New research suggests that the painted designs on prehistoric Halafian pottery represent mathematical reasoning. If you count all the leaves and bushes, this tracks. What kind of crazy people count the leaves and bushes? Archaeologists, that’s who.

Did Mamluks mill sugar in the Beth Shean Valley of Israel using water powered mills? Do elites own industries creating tasty and addictive foodstuffs and foist the products on the unsuspecting? Talk about a sugar rush!

The discovery of opium residues in an Egyptian alabaster jar with the Achaemenid king Xerxes’ name on it has us wondering. How stoned were they in the past? Was that why the jar ended up at Yale? Talk about a legacy admission!

The lagoon off Tel Dor is filled with shipwrecks and wouldn’t you know it, new excavations have turned up three from the Iron Age. Our contestants talk about the finds, changing patterns of Mediterranean trade, and the problem of getting insurance. Iron Age maritime economies? Learn to swim.

The discovery of a teeny tiny figurine at the 12,000 year old site of Nahal En Gev II has us asking uncomfortable questions. Why is the woman carrying the goose on her back? Why does the goose seem pleased about this? Are women and geese separate parts of nature or sort of the same? Wait, what? It’s the Mother Goose mythogram of the millennia!

In Iron Age Jerusalem, finding a tiny bit of a cuneiform tablet is a big deal, since in that town, they use the alphabet. But when the Neo-Assyrian authorities ask, hey, where’s our tax money, they can do it in any script and language they want. So you’d better read the email, otherwise -there- will be a meeting, and you won’t like it.

How much gold was mined in antiquity anyway? A new economic analysis suggests that second millennium BCE Nubia produced hundreds of tons of the stuff, which is way more than anyone ever thought. Mining expeditions were super profitable too. So where’s the archaeological and textual evidence? Screw that, where’s all the gold now dammit?

The discovery in Jerusalem of a big section of the late second century BCE Hasmonean city wall from has us asking the usual questions. Actually the reverse of the usual questions: not who put it up but who took it down, the Hasmoneans themselves or that Herod guy? Which satisfying, text based historical scenario should we choose? With a seasonally appropriate and tasty lightning round!

At the 6th century BCE Arad fortress Judean soldiers waited patiently for resupply every week. But new research shows that a week was really six days, which added up to a 360 day year. This may not have been a problem for military logistics but it certainly made sending birthday cards harder.

A wealthy Late Bronze Age tomb at Yavne Yam on the coast of Israel has us talking about trade, class, and real estate. How did folks at a pokey little port afford all that stuff, not to mention all the opium? Is this the Southern Levant’s Boca Raton? Come for the wide-ranging discussion of social inequality, stay for shoutouts to the one and only ‘Grandpa’ Al Lewis and the classic hit by Golden Ea...

The discovery of a dam in Iron Age Jerusalem speaks highly about the Judean state’s ability to organize public works projects to meet evolving public needs. The fact that they put their capital in Jerusalem in the first place, where the only water is underground, also says something about their, umm, common sense. Still, if its the view you’re after, there’s no better place!

A new article has us talking about toys. Did the potters at Early Bronze Age Hama make rattles for their kids out of love or to maximize investment in their future labor output? It’s an episode that cuts to the heart of the whole ‘childhood’ scam! Come for the insights into Bronze Age childrearing, stay for the word of the day. It’s fructiform!

New research on Bronze Age silver hoards in the Levant has us wondering about the origins of money. What is it about those shiny and attractive metals that makes us love them so? And sure, you can bury metal in a hole in the ground, but then you have to remember where you put it. Still, banking from home has never been easier.

An itsy bitsy seal impression with the name of a Biblical figure raises the perennial question, was Judah robust and bureaucratic, or was it tiny and only occasionally literate? How robust do little tiny statelets get anyway? More importantly, was king Josiah really the Brian Cashman of Levantine kings?

The recent decipherment of the South Arabian Dhofari script from the first millennium BCE reminds us that we don’t know as much about ancient peoples and languages as we think. And finding a completely new language in a Hittite text shows that they knew a lot more than us, which is sobering, since they didn’t have fancy degrees or iced pecan oat milk lattes.

Thuthmosis III had a difficult relationship with Hatshepsut, who was, after all, both his aunt and stepmother. And Pharaoh. But does that mean he had the faces on her statues smashed? Or did he just want them turned off so his guys could fill in a big pothole? Archaeology may have the answer!

Romans sure loved their pigs. Soldiers were even buried with pig jawbones at Legio in the Jezreel Valley after military feasts (which doesn’t sound kosher). They brought pig power to the Levant, but hey, what did the Romans ever do for us?

We like to think of the Carthaginians as the western extension of the Phoenicians, but Punic genetics suggest that they were primarily descended from local peoples. Did that create identity crises for them? How about for their elephants?

Bronze is a metal so popular that it has an entire age named after. But to make bronze you need tin otherwise you have squishy copper tools and, well, no Bronze Age. We’ve looked high and low for the source and now it seems like it might have been Cornwall. That’s right, the area of southwest Britain famous for pirates, pasties and, um, tin mines?

New research combines radiocarbon dating and artificial intelligence to examine the Dead Sea Scrolls, some of which turn out to be a bit older than expected. Is this a big rewrite of history or small rejiggering? Anyway, one of us harbors grave doubts, the other is excited about 1 Maccabees, and the third just keeps shouting the word ‘disaggregation!’