This Is Actually Happening

“The surrealism of the experience just it was hard to fathom…here we were in a clothing store being asked to do these sort of impossible thing.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine Episode Summary: In the aftermath of September 11th, 2001 a cardiologist volunteers to help process the body parts from those who lost their lives in a temporary morgue inside a Brooks Brothers department store. Tod...

“You try not to think about the fact that you really think you’re going to die here…that it’s totally out of control.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Episode Summary: On September 11th, 2001, the first female firefighter in the New York City Fire Department confronts the impossible tasks of that day and the skewed narratives that followed. Today's episode featured Capta...

“It’s not like there was time to ponder your fate…you just thought, we’re powerless to get out of the building….This is it.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine Episode Summary: A Port Authority employee narrowly escapes from the 68th floor after a plane hits the World Trade Center on September 11th, 2001, but the most devastating impact comes from the psychological wounds that haunt her life...

“The world looks like it’s coming to an end, and another cloud comes over…Everything goes dark, and the world is covered in dust.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Episode Summary: On September 11th, 2001 an ER Doctor finds himself in charge of the closest emergency room to the Twin Towers. Today's episode featured Tony Dajer. Tony was born in New York City, grew up in Pu...

“There’s really no way to explain how it feels when you realize one decision you made in an instant altered the life of everyone around you.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits   Episode Summary: A woman who finally finds her sense of purpose after a tumultuous upbringing realizes a mother’s ultimate horror. Website for Andrew Waits: http://andrdewwaits.com/   Social M...

“All the reality that I had been putting off, and all of the denial, it all crashed in on me.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine, Jason Blalock Episode Summary: Growing up in the closet with a mentally ill mother, a man finds his true love, but as their past continues to weigh in, the only remedy he knows threatens to consume everything he’s built. Today's episode featured Gabriel. Gabriel i...

“I was too ashamed to reach out and say, ‘Look, I don’t understand what’s happening, I think I’m going crazy…please help me.’”   Producers:  Whit Missildine, Matt Volla Episode Summary: Following early experiences of isolation and bullying, a man assigned female at birth finds a beautiful friendship, that soon descends into a bewildering cycle of gaslighting and obsession.  &nb...

“When I knew I was dying, I knew that I wasn’t going to have the anxiety or the OCD brain, it was just going to be over.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine Episode Summary: A woman with severe harm OCD encounters the many faces of death and dying but finds renewal in caring for others and ultimately herself Today's episode featured Rachel. You can find out more about her on Facebook at fb.co...

“That’s me, and I’m dead. But if that’s me, then who am I?”   Producers:  Whit Missildine Episode Summary: After surviving a brutal upbringing in the South Bronx, a man finds himself on the other side of death following a minor accident and returns with a profound awakening.  Today's episode featured Jose Hernandez. You can find out more about Jose and the work he is doing at: ...

"No one can even understand. You can't measure the magnitude of that pain. You can't measure the pain that we went through."   Producer:  Whit Missildine   Episode Summary:  A refugee recounts her experience of the horror and devastation of the Rwandan genocide.   This episode is part of the Summer 2021 rebroadcast series, featuring listener favorites from the back catalog...

"The hardest part is that I still don't have any answers...what came into my house that night?"   Producer:  Whit Missildine   Episode Summary: A musician is sideswiped by a sudden break into a nightmarish world that will not let him go   This episode is part of the Summer 2021 rebroadcast series, featuring listener favorites from the back catalogue. All episodes in this rebroa...

“It was just full chills over my body, tears in my eyes, it was that moment of I don’t know, I don’t understand, I don’t know.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine, Jason Blalock Episode Summary: A woman who seeks awakening through myriad healing practices finds her ultimate challenge when she goes missing in a Maui forest.   Today's episode featured Dr. Amanda Eller. You can find ou...

“The not knowing is awful, and it’s awful from day one and it’s awful thirty years later, but every day that goes by you get more and more in reality.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine, Jason Blalock Episode Summary: Decades after her brother disappeared in the early 1980s, a woman becomes deeply involved in the search for a missing friend.   Today’s episode featured Sarah Haynes....

“It planted a seed in my mind that has never ever gone away even now that people might not be who they say they are.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits   Episode Summary: A woman is haunted by a relentless threat of danger when her pursuit of safety turns into obsession. Today’s episode featured Hannah. Hannah is a writer living in California. If you’d like to reach out, y...

“I felt like I was sort of drifting along as something besides human, like I had stepped onto another planet inside my head.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine   Episode Summary: A man haunted by an early childhood trauma finally establishes his own identity only to be sideswiped by another unwanted, shocking exposure.  This episode featured Michael McAllister. He's a writer workin...

“You are in absolute darkness, and until you are in that kind of situation it’s hard to understand what darkness is.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine   Episode Summary: A lifelong traveler heads out for a quick bike ride in the Swiss Alps and finds herself lost in a dark, icy unknown. Today's episode featured Ava Chisling. Ava is a media lawyer and writer from Mont...

“The person who was pulling was just stronger than the person who wanted a perfect life.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits   Episode Summary: Growing up with a close, religious family a young woman’s aspiration for perfect beauty turns her into the very image of herself she was afraid of.  Today’s episode featured Caroline. To learn more about Trichotillomania, go to...

“I was really lost and I was so incredibly desperate for someone to love me…and to fill the void that had kind of been opened in me .”   Producers:  Whit Missildine, Matt Volla   Episode Summary: Following an early childhood trauma, a woman seeks to fill the void with a series of unhealthy relationships, until a fairytale romance promises to be everything she ever wanted   Toda...

“That feeling that you get when you find out an important piece of information, that ‘aha moment’ was happening constantly. I felt as if somebody put my brain into a microwave.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits   Episode Summary: Growing up in a home of abandonment and neglect, a teenager finds a grand, new reality in the rabbit hole of addiction until they can no longer...

“I was just left fighting this invisible thing inside me, the root of which I didn’t know.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine   Episode Summary: A woman grows up with an idyllic childhood in Scotland, when a phobia of mysterious origin begins consuming her thoughts and eventually her future   Today’s episode featured Rachel.     Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappening...

“In horror movies there’s this beautiful moment for the protagonist where the monster’s real, everyone can see it…but a lot of times in real life, there isn’t a neatly wrapped up ending.”    Producers:  Whit Missildine, Jason Blalock   Episode Summary: A young man growing up in an abusive home falls into a whirlwind romance that throws him into another cycle of chaos   Soc...

“I cannot get over the fact that this actually happened. It felt strangely prophetic.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits   Episode Summary: Growing up with an unreliable mother, a woman develops severe OCD with multiple phobias, until she must confront the most improbable scenario   Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappening Website: www.thisisactuallyhappening.com &...

“I was forced into being vulnerable, I was forced into being present, I was forced into existing suddenly with my lights turned on.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine, Sara Marinelli   Episode Summary: Grappling with her identity and disruptive health anxiety, a woman reaches in adulthood with a dream job and strong community, when suddenly her worst-case scenario becomes a reality. Tod...

“No matter how hard you fight against having no change in your life, it’s going to come anyway.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine   Episode Summary: Growing up in an environment of constant change, a woman vows to find a different path to stability, only to have a shocking revelation turn her world upside down   Social Media: Instagram: @actuallyhappening Website: www.thisisactual...

“If you could imagine having thoughts that frightened you, then other times they made you believe things about your perception or what you were seeing weren’t real or distorted…you would do anything to stop it.”   Producers:  Whit Missildine, Matt Volla   Episode Summary: After making a successful career and surviving several tumultuous relationships, a woman descends into the darke...