They Mostly Pod Out at Night.... Mostly

We did it, we survived 2023 and all the shit movies from it.  With Silent Night Deadly Night behind us, what better way to start it off with our top 5 and bottom 5 list of 2023..

We opened all our presents and drank all the booze.  It is time to return the gifts that we did not like, and boy do we wish we could get these hours back from this week.  It is time to finish the Silent Night Deadly Night series and take out the trash.

I saw Mommy getting killed by Santa Claus. What happens when a movie gets cut as half of another movie?  Will it drive us crazy?  Will we look forward to Garbage day?  This is part 1 of the Silent Night Deadly Night franchise as we PUNISH ourselves with hot garbage. 

Whether you are a corrupt mayor, lonely security guard or gaslighting your dad’s girlfriend, everyone wants something nice for Christmas.  Tonight though, we went looking for something to enter in the White Elephant drawing as we collect one offs in the horror Christmas world.

We may be a bit late to the table, but Thanksgiving is still serving up some fresh carved flesh for us to enjoy. We start the holidays by diving into our first Thanksgiving themed horror film, followed by the Grindhouse films that originally brought this old school trailer to life. After over a decade in the oven, was it worth the wait?

 I am sorry to inform you that this is the last week of me. We will exit this month by watching some movies that  follow the basic formula of the greatest of Twilight Zone episodes - 5 characters in search of an exit. The name says it all. Let’s dive in.

This is week three of the month of me, and that means Graveyard is forced to watch some old school horror adjacent anime. Now that his mind has been scarred by the depths of Japanese depravity, let’s hear how he made out.

This week we are in squaresville, daddio. Or Cubesville. A cube is just a bunch of squares, right? I think it works. We will be discussing the Canadian Cube film and its two sequels Cube 2: Hypercube, and Cube Zero. So let’s use our boots to test for traps and dive in.

Today we journey through the twisted story of an obscure director in a black fedora. From music videos, to independent horror art films, to a catastrophic climax of a blockbuster failure, we follow the almost famous career path of the director of my favorite horror film - Hardware. We are kicking off the month of me with the life and times of Richard Stanley.

There are remakes, there are reboots, there are spiritual successors, and there are blatant rip-offs. But what happens when you give the same script, the same sets, and the same actors to 2 different teams of filmmakers and ask them to make a blockbuster prequel? Join us as we enter this bizarre instance of dual adaptation. Oh, and there is another movie in there too, but it sucked.

Hide your crosses, tie down the bed, and warm up the split pea soup.  We are going to need an old priest and a young priest for this episode as we venture into the futuristic 70s with its hexagonal glass offices and return to Georgetown with Regan.  Join us to see if we can become believers in this franchise.

Short films turned into full feature movies.  Does this format work? Does it hurt having years between them?  Does the story get lost?  Does she really “like us”?  How many children must die in their crusade against the aliens?  Join us as dust off our VCRs and get ready to be kind and rewind and spoilers ahead for VHS 85.

Put in the tape, listen to the rules, and fail every test. Retcons, retcons galore. Can Chris Rock save the Saw Franchise, or will the franchise need to cut off its own foot with a hacksaw?  Join us as we enter the final test and see how many limbs we have left.  Spoilers ahead for Saw X. 

Terrible 3D.  Another disciple of Jigsaw.  We will bleed our own blood to get out of a trap?  Will our past sins of watching terrible horror movies come back to haunt us?  Or should we don our pig mask and join in on the fun.  Join us as we enter the Cult Of John Kramer.

We want to play a game, live or die.  With John Kramer dead, who will pick up the torch, who will remember these movies?  Will we make it through this franchise or will we want to gnaw off our own legs to escape?

In the late 90s and early 2000s, American horror went pg-13.  France said hold my wine and we got the New French Extremity movies.  In 2004, America woke up in a dingy bathroom with our legs chained and a dull hack saw.  With movies such as Hostel, Cabin Fever, and Saw we got the era of torture porn.  Join us as we choose to live, die, or continue this journey of escape room ni...

This begins our two a week October Extravaganza.  We will be discussing The Massacre 2023 Movie Marathon

Is this real life, is this just fantasy? Is she a legend or just make believe?  Lost in the forest, no escaping mediocrity. Hide in the corner, don’t look at her for anything. Join us as we lose the map, cross the same tree over and over, dance naked in the woods and blame the Wiccan.

Always bring an EpiPen, watch out for Paimon, check all the corners, don’t piss on a sacred tree, and beware the birthday boy stab man. Join us as we venture into the art house side of horror with the works of Ari Aster. Warning spoilers ahead for Beau is Afraid.

What is a demon by any other name?  How many macguffins can exist in one universe?  Can movies survive a possessed Frechman?  Are the Warrens necessary for a franchise? Here is a hint -  no.  Make sure to drink your wine, avoid baths, and don’t die of cholera. Join us as we dare to speak Valak’s name, get drowned in wine, and avoid a mother’s curse.  Warning spoilers...

A butcher, a baker, a cursed doll maker? Origin stories and spin-offs can be good if made with the right hands.  But what happens when those hands are attached to a person willing to make a deal with a demon?  The Year is 2023.  This is their story. Join us as we throw the cursed doll away for the 4th time.

Two men watch bad movies for fun.  They record their thoughts and discussions.  Sometimes they have to drink to forget the awful movies they watched.  The following is based on a true story. Join us as we conjure another drink as we prepare for Nun 2.

 Can you make a nearly two hour movie from a Captain’s log?  How do other cultures see vampires?  How much slurping can two people take for an episode? Join us as we make familiars, stockpile band-aids and avoid the sun as we turn into children of the night.  Spoilers ahead for the last voyage of the demeter.

 Mankind has always been afraid of the woods, we see it throughout history and folklore. What is it that makes us nervous wandering through the dark forest at night?  What really lurks behind the trees? Is it an ancient evil? Or maybe just our lizard brains playing tricks on us. Join us as we make our bunks, dive into the brackish water and put on our camp counselor shirts.

Get ready to flatline, stir up those echoes and learn too late that you should have left.  No matter the decade, Kevin Bacon fits right into the world of horror.  So before we tremor in fear or get an arrow thru the neck Join us as we go looking for the great beyond and what is hiding behind the walls with our first actor spotlight and see how many degrees we are separated.