They Called This a Movie

The future. 2019. A corrupt government. Martial law. Reality television. Truly, only Stephen King could write something so implausible. This week's episode of They Called This a Movie is another Twitter poll winner, and this time around, we're welcoming Arnold Schwarzenegger to our pantheon of actors with the movie that places us in a 2019 that is only slightly more bleak than the one we just live...

GO NINJA GO NINJA GO!  We're back with a brand new edition this week as we celebrate our second Twitter poll selection.  This week, we pitted three kid's movies against each other. You voted and you selected Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze. Thanks a lot.  We all grew up with the Ninja Turtles, so this episode is a step back to our childhoods. And we hate it. Join us as we t...

Get ready to slam evil!  We're back for our first official episode of 2020, and this week, we're watching a movie voted on by our fans on Twitter.  Last week, we put up a poll pitting three action movies against each other, and by the slimmest of margins, the 1996 comic adaptation, The Phantom, won over your hearts. So we watched it.  Take a seat as we watch this notorious bomb, as Billy Zane dons...

Happy New Year! We're taking a break from the movie-watching this week as we ring in the new year, but we wanted to just extend a brief thank you to everyone that listened to us in 2019, the first year this podcast went weekly. We're super proud of how the year has gone and are gearing up for what we hope is a year of continued growth and fun. We also give a little announcement on how you can help...

Happy holidays! They Called This a Movie is giving you a present early, as we drop a brand new Christmas episode just ahead of all the festivities you may be encountering the next couple days.  This week's episode has Tim Allen celebrating holidays once again, but he's not Santa Claus; he's the local humbug that's trying to escape the neighborhood festivities with Jamie Lee Curtis, as we watch Chr...

HO HO HO, Brother! What do you get when you mix Christmas with a WCW-era Hulk Hogan? Well, you get Santa with Muscles, a ridiculous movie that boasts a surprisingly competent cast that are let down by a completely incompetent script, production design, and pretty much everything else.  Join us as we discuss Hogan's charisma (or lack thereof), the nonsensical plot, and "Angel Baby", the most baffli...

It's a ghost of Christmas past this week, as They Called This a Movie travels back to the late 1990s to cover a Disney movie starring a teen heart-throb.  It's 1998. Jonathan Taylor Thomas is still one of the biggest stars to grace the prestigious pages of Tiger Beat. His co-star is an up-and-coming star on a family drama on the newly-launched WB Network, and Smash Mouth won the hearts of American...

The nightmare is about to begin... again.  It's December, and that means it's officially Christmas time, so while you're out shopping or watching movies on Hallmark Channel, we're sitting down to watch one of the most bizarre Christmas movies of all-time. That's right. We kick off this holiday season with none other than Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2.  Maybe you've seen the original film or ma...

Pain don't hurt...  And this all-new episode don't hurt either as we sit down for some comfort food 80s action for Thanksgiving, as we watch Patrick Swayze take on an entire town of meatheads in Road House.  With Mark away, Dan and Anthony spend most of the time drinking in the awesomeness as they spend time celebrating Sam Elliott's mustache and the classic violence.  So pull up a lounge chair as...

Misery loves company.  So join us as we go over the least-erotic thriller we've seen in quite some time. Burt Reynolds brings his mustache to this week's Movember episode of They Called This a Movie. He stars with Angie Dickinson and Mia Sara in The Maddening, directed by actor Danny Huston.  So listen as we head to the Florida Panhandle for this one, as we talk about Mia Sara's character's inabil...

Is it a movie? Is it a TV show? Is it called Concrete Cowboys? Or is it called Ramblin' Man? Whatever the answers, it's this week's episode of They Called This a Movie.  Movember rolls right along with one of the most famous mustaches in Hollywood history: the one that dons the upper lip of Magnum himself, Tom Selleck. This week, we're watching a TV movie that's also a failed pilot called Concrete...

They Called This a Movie is our name and talking about bad movies is our motherf*cking game!  We go from 31 Days of Horror right into Movember this week, as we kick off a month-long celebration of leading men and their equally-famous mustaches. And this week, we start off with Dolemite, just in time to tie it in with the Eddie Murphy-starring Dolemite is My Name.  Dolemite is all of our first dip...

They were warned...They are doomed...And on Friday the 13th, nothing will save them. Happy Halloween! We're wrapping up spooky season this year with a certified classic in every sense of the word. It's the original Friday the 13th from 1980 on this week's very special Halloween episode of They Called This a Movie.  We dive right into this one because, unlike Jason, we can actually swim. We delve d...

It was the last thing on earth they ever expected...  And the last thing we expected was to spend part of this episode talking about a completely different movie entirely. But we continue along with 31 Days of Horror with another cult classic horror. This week, we've got cheerleaders, evil scientists, and the world's population disappearing into red dust. It's Night of the Comet from 1984.  Sit ba...

They're back from the grave... And ready to party.  31 Days of Horror rolls right along with another cult classic from the 1980s. This time, the dead are rising from the grave and dancing in acid rain. It's The Return of the Living Dead on this installment of They Called This a Movie.  This is one of our favorites, so we really spend more time talking about what we like in this one rather than tea...

The Man of Your Dreams is Back! We're back at it again with another episode of They Called This a Movie, and this week, we're talking about one of the weirdest horror sequels of all time.  The year is 1985 and the world is right in the middle of Freddy Fever. So how does New Line Cinema respond? By trying to strong-arm Robert Englund and then making a sequel that barely features Freddy doing what...

Try not to lose your head during this week's episode of They Called This a Movie.  We're kicking off this year's 31 Days of Horror with a cult classic. It's Stuart Gordon's adaptation of HP Lovecraft's Re-Animator.  Listen as we revel in how much fun this movie is, praising Jeffrey Comb's performance, the practical effects, and Barbara Crampton for just being Barbara Crampton.  You can find us on ...

I can't talk long. I gotta poo. Just kidding, we've got all the time in the world to talk about the brand new John Travolta movie that everyone is talking about, but no one is going the theaters to see. This week, we're watching and discussing The Fanatic.  Join us as we talk about how uncomfortable Travolta's performance makes us, how troubling the ending is, and try to figure out a name to call...

In Vietnam, he was the best... He still is!  It's our 50th episode and, boy, do we have a very special episode for you this week.  With Rambo: Last Blood releasing this week, we decided to take a look at a knockoff of the original First Blood with Deadly Prey. And it's pretty amazing.  Kick back and listen to our episode on this hidden gem. We talk about Ted Prior's shorts, Colonel Hogan's descent...

How do you stop a killer who is already behind bars? Find out on this week's episode of They Called This a Movie.  This week, Dan and Mark hold down the fort as Anthony is on vacation, so the inmates running the asylum decide to get all up in some Gerard Butler goodness, with 2009's Law Abiding Citizen.  Settle in for more Philadelphia talk, some talk about how Dan feels disappointed in not seeing...

Welcome to the abusement park... get it?    This week, while crazy clown Pennywise terrorizes the Losers' Club one last time in Derry, we decide to check out a true anomaly: 1987's Funland.  We use the word "baffling" a lot, and this one may redefine that. It's not quite a character study of a man going through a nervous breakdown and it's not quite a hilariously offbeat comedy that doesn't mind p...

And we can build this thing together Stand this stormy weather Nothing's gonna stop us now...   And nothing should stop you from listening to this week's podcast, as we cover Mannequin: On the Move. It's an episode where Dan is absolutely baffled by Mark and Anthony's enjoyment of this film. So kick back and relax as we cover how well the film represents Philadelphia, how much we fall in love with...

Out of Uniform...  Out of control.  This week, Angel Has Fallen, a film that probably no one asked for, hits theaters this week. Rather than trying to find another Gerard Butler movie to watch (God forbid), we watched another action movie, which also happens to be a second sequel of sorts. It's Mission of Justice, otherwise known as Martial Law III.  Maybe you haven't heard of Mission of Justice;...

McConaughey.  Hathaway.  And a fish called Justice.  This week on They Called This a Movie, we decide to head deep into the McConaughaissance with this year's box office flop, Serenity.  This one is a truly baffling movie, so listen to us dissect this thriller, as we discuss the laughable age gap, the crazy implications that come with the unnecessary twist, and whether or not this movie should hav...

Amazon Prime giveth, and Amazon Prime taketh away.  This week, the live action feature film adaptation of Dora and the Lost City of Gold hits theaters, and rather than spend the time to watch a competent Indiana Jones ripoff like Tomb Raider or Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold, we dug deep and found Lost Treasure of the Maya, otherwise known as No Bad Days, which doesn't make any sense. ...