The Wrong Opinion: Useless NBA Trivia & Garbage Rankings

Jake ranks the Pistons, a team with decades of garbage split up by moments of absurd greatness. How many players from those sucky eras can make this team? 

Jake ranks the Heat, a team that's part of two of the weirdest postseason stretches in NBA history. Do I dare even mutter Hassan Whiteside's name all episode? 

Jake ranks the Houston Rockets, a team with three distinct eras, only one of which ended with titles. Do you consider James Harden a point guard? If yes - why do you like to be wrong? 

Jake ranks the Milwaukee Bucks, a team that won a title in its third year in the league! This was tough to rank - so few point guards, so many deserving small forwards. The drama is intense! 

Jake ranks the OKC Thunder, a team stolen away from the poor city of Seattle. There are so many point guards to fight through!

Jake ranks the Portland Trail Blazers, the most cursed team in franchise history. How can Jake make this an interesting podcast when the First Team is basically an absolute LOCK?

Jake talks about the New York Knicks, an iconic franchise that ain't all that good. Earl or Guerin? Willis or Ewing? Bernard or Melo?!? A lot of tough choices on this one. 

Jake ranks the Cleveland Cavaliers, a team that's made 9/23 playoffs, 5/7 Conference Finals, and all 5 of its Finals behind the might of one man. Does Jake have the guts to put Kyrie on the Second Team? PLUS the wildest Cavs rookie class. 

Jake ranks the Dallas Mavericks, a team with a lot of talent but nothing to show for it until that big German showed up. Will Jake concede to peer pressure and call Luka a point guard? 

Jake ranks the Atlanta Hawks, a team that's made more Conference Finals with Trae than with Dominique. This franchise is so boring! Can we sneak Pistol Pete in? 

Jake ranks the Raptors - the SECOND BEST team since 2013. Is that right? Old or new - Vince/DeMar? Bosh/Siakam?

Jake ranks the Wizards/Bullets/Packers/Zyphers, who won a modern title and climb this list on a technicality. Does Earl Monroe automatically get First Team? Does Manute Bol deserve some love?

Jake ranks the Utah Jazz, who would be up about a dozen spots if we weren't counting playoffs. Does Donovan Mitchell overtake Pete Maravich? Does Horancek get some love? What do you do with Mark Eaton? 

Jake ranks the Phoenix Suns, who have come so close so many times. How would you rank their three stellar shooting guards?

Jake ranks the Indiana Pacers, the second back-to-back team that DOMINATED the ABA back in the day - a team that came so close for about a decade and a half. The most important question this pod has ever asked: Does Ron Artest make it? 

Jake ranks the Brooklyn Nets, a team that dominated the ABA but has done very little in the Big Brother league. How high can we realistically put Kyrie and Harden?

Jake ranks the Orlando Magic, a team that has more Most Improved Players than Conference Finals appearances. Which is worth more: Shaq's four years or Dwight's eight? 

Jake ranks the Denver Nuggets, a team that's historically been score-first - holding the top four spots in season PPG since the merger. Does Melo or Alex English make the cut for First Team? (Hint: It's not close.)

Jake ranks the Sacramento Kings, a team that's on pace to climb these rankings over the next decade. Are we going to lie and say that DeMarcus Cousins' empty-calorie stats mean he's the Kings' best center ever? 

Jake ranks the LA Clippers, a team that would have been dead last if that CP3/Lakers trade went through. Does Blake's short peak let Elton Brand sneak into the First Team spot? Bonus: The weird history of the Clips and the Sixth Man of the Year Award. 

Jake ranks the Memphis Grizzlies, the Grit & Grind team that almost played Wade & LeBron in the Finals. Two amazing cases for First Team Power Forward - is Z Bo good enough? 

Jake ranks the New Orleans Pelicans, a team we talked a lot about last week. How high will Zion climb despite a LOT of missed games? 

Jake ranks the Charlotte Hornets franchise players, the team that swapped histories with NOLA a decade ago. Can Jake stay objective and keep Stephen Jackson off this list? 

Jake ranks the Timberwolves franchise players, a late-'80s expansion team that's never won a playoff series outside of 2004. How high can we rank Jimmy Butler, who only stayed for a year before (wisely) running away?

Trailer for Season One. Jake ranks the top 3 players for each franchise at each position, while simultaneously ranking all teams from 30-1. Vince or Derozan? Shaq or Kareem? Magic or Smush? Find out every Wednesday and Friday.