The Wicker Men

Mama? Papa? I was hoping to get some cerea-AHHHHH! YES OH YES You know who it is! The Wicker Men, baby, and we're back with Moms and Dads murdering their precious children! Settle in and build a pool table while you're at it. You know what? Just smash the pool table, it's too damn expensive to keep!

How could one say such things? Think such things? DO such things?! Have you even THOUGHT about the children? Honestly, this entire ruse, nay, this entire FARCE... is simply... INCONCEIVABLE!

How far would you go to seek Vengeance on someone for acts committed against someone completely unrelated to you? Good thing this man was around to solve everyone else's problems! This isn't just a story. It's a love story!

It's the return of the KING, BABY! That's right, Eddie King is BACK and definitly better than ever! What a movie, I mean, I don't know about you, but this film is the TOPS! There are two brothers!

Wake up! God is calling and the great ole fella needs you to go to Pakistan! Talk like the world is listening and don't you EVER let ANYONE tread on you! Waaaaaahoooooo!

Grr! Shark attack! Captain Cage is at it again with his wacky and wild platoon! Wait a minute. No no no, I'm sorry, this is a totally serious war film. Grr!

RIP AJ, but the show must go on.

Bark Bark! The world sure is tough, but that won't stop best friends Nic Cage and Willem Dafoe from barking up the wrong trees! Yabadoo, this is one for the books! Have you ever seen a movie that makes you think, "Boy, it sure is a dog eat dog world out there" because this one will!

Go full vegan with the delicious selection at the Tutman Cafe, Sheetar be praised!!

Trust Trust Trust it's always with the Trust!! Can't we just get along WITHOUT having to Trust each other? Can't we just live in a peaceful SOCIETY built around FRIENDSHIP instead of TRUST?! Yada yada yada Elijah Wood!

What does it cost to save a soul? Millions of dollars? Priceless jewels and gems? Or perhaps a simple cup of iced cream? One way or another, if you lose your kid at the fair, it's because you didn't Pay the Ghost. Time to find the portal!

Oooh! Que Nicolas Cage sait certainement courir ! Quel homme épicé!

YOU. HAVE. VALUES! Get out there and make your country proud! Hwoooooopaaaah!

You best start believin' in raptures, dear listener... you're in one! AHHHHHHHH!

This one outta outlast em all! No no no, I'm not talking about Outkast, I'm talking about Outcast!! Balooba-looba-doo, what a wacky and zany movie this is! It might even be the worst of the show! Excelsior!

If you haven't seen The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent yet, go see it. If you have, go see it again.

It's time. Oh yes it's time. Like a mage burning sage, he must disengage from his own age and turn the page entering a new chapter in the war he must wage. This isn't your ordinary beige, no, this is Nicolas Cage, and he is about to RAGE.

If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed Joe I'd been married long time ago Where did you come from? Where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe? If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed Joe I'd been married long time ago Where did you come from? Where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton-eyed Joe? If it hadn't been for cotton-eyed Joe I'd been married long time ago Where did you come from...

Murder! Mayhem! Winter! Boy oh jeez is it cold outside. Better grab a jacket... and a badge! Yes, Cage is back as a state trooper out for justice in this non-stop, action-packed thriller for the ages! When you're walking and slipping... it's because you're on... FROZEN GROUND!

Don't be Crude! Listen to us talk about The Croods! It's the Crude thing to do! How Crude!

Uhhh it's Moose. Moose the Movie. It's Moose the Movie buckle in and buckle up. It's Moose the Movie get with it or get over it. You know what time it is.

When a bank robber's daughter is TAKEN, the kidnapper is misTAKEN in his understanding of Cage's particular set of skills... The journey Cage has underTAKEN to retrieve his daughter back leads to a feisty-heisty action overTAKEN by the love of a father. Cage has parTAKEN in something really unique here... this is... STOLEN!

rrrrrrRRRRREEEEEV IT UP! Cage has been trying to keep his inner demons out, but they've been scratching at the DOOOOOORRR! THAT'S RIGHT! Ghost Rider has returned, and he's more ferociously fiery than ever! Don't sit around and decay! Enjoy Mr. Cage today! Featuring Christian Becker.

You walk into a house. It's not your house. Actually it IS your house. People break in! You're scared, but then THEY'RE SCARED. You're a hostage BUT SO ARE THEY. AHHH! Does anyone smell pretzels because all I'm seeing are TWISTS! Turn around - TWIST! Flip over - TWIST! Wear a robe, answer the door - TWIST! It's a TWISTER TORNADOOOOOOO!

Don't you get it? Don't you understand BY NOW what it IS Cage is DOING?! He's not searching for national treasures or love. He's not looking for money or power. He's not just escaping from the demons of hell or the witches of Landia, no. No no no. Cage is only Seeking ONE thing and ONE thing alone: JUSTICE! WAAAAAH-HOOOO!