The Wash with Dalton Smiley

Dylan's making condiment pasta and I just want to sit and eat in my car in PEACE. This week, we're ready to unpack all of our favorite things. FOOD. Specifically Fast Food and how they've lost the whimsy... Dylan Carlino (@dylanpcarlino) joins me to unpack why the booths are bolted to the ground, the beauty of a questionable late-night meal, and the devastating realization that restaurants simply...

This week on The Wash, we’re judging people by their hairstyles because it really is that serious. Your hair is an ARTFORM and your hairdresser is Picasso. From bobs and mullets to bangs and karen cuts, we’re breaking down what your hair says about your personality, your red flags, and your likelihood of ruining someone’s life. Plus, a brand-new segment: TWO CENTS, where we call people up to get t...

Be prepared for the SPOOKIEST episode yet ft the SCARIEST *cat* ever -- The Cat in the HAT!!! (The 2003 live action version of course) 🎃 It's spooky season, and you know I've got thoughts. This week, we're talking favorite Halloween candy, trick-or-treating etiquette, the kids ADDICTED to sugar, and Fall Fest?! OH and you know I love a side tangent. so a few words about bad restaurant service, be...

This week at The Wash, we're joined by comedian, clown, and professional chaos agent Zach Zucker, who's got a brand-new show Stamptown out now on Netflix! The variety show isn't the only thing we're chatting about... We get into clown school (the valedictorians and those flunking out), touring the world, and creating a completely hilarious, spontaneous, raunchy variety show unlike anything you've...

This week has been a LOT...I know a bowl of soup would heal me. From a woman driving her car onto a Tesla while I'm trying to enjoy a hike, to an oil change that somehow costs $3,000, to Saint having a full-blown meltdown at the vet--BUCKLE UP. And that's exactly what we're talking about. This week, we're giving soup the attention and respect it deserves. Why do we love it so much? Why does it mul...

NEW LAUNDROMAT?!?!? OMG I can't believe it!!!! Welcome to our new HOME! I can't wait to have you!! APPARENTLY, I started a war by saying pumpkins are vegetables (which they are bc i'm always right no matter what the science says...) After receiving an unreasonable amount of calls, texts, DMs, carrier pigeons, I decided to do what any normal person would do: investigate the entire fruit vs. vegetab...

We need to talk...about TALKING and how NO ONE does it right!!! This week on The Wash, we’re getting into the extremely serious world of emails, phone calls, text messages, voice memos, in-person meetings… and, obviously, carrier pigeons. I'm ranking them bottom-to-top and I can't wait to hear what you think. I have thoughts about all of them. Offices are ridiculous. Why are emails just group text...

fall, Fall, FALLLLLLL!!!! I'm ready to talk about it. 🍂 Get your a$$ to the store and buy those pumpkins because it's time to DECORATE! Why are we not decorating every house for fall? Why do big houses get to sit there looking completely normal when they have SIX BEDROOMS and absolutely no pumpkins on the porch? That should be illegal. Then there’s pumpkin spice and it's oozing from every crack i...

OMG FALL IS HERE!!!! But I'm not ready to let go of summer just yet. I've been stewing over everyones vacations this summer and I've got thoughts. Because when I go on vacation, I'm just paying a ridiculous amount of money to temporarily become a different person(and I love that). This week, we're getting into the absolute magic of vacations: cruise ships (that are essentially floating Lego sets),...

It's time we acknowledge, Fast Food used to be FUN!!!! In this episode, we’re celebrating the pinnacle of fast food (aka my childhood). The good, the bad, the ugly, and baby--the NOSTALGIA! And of course I'm taking this opportunity as my chance to give you my opinion on the all-time favorites, hidden gems, the best things to order, the absolute atrocities you should avoid, and more! And because ap...

This week’s load of The Wash is ALL about AIRPORTS. I'm fresh off a family trip to beautiful Florida and, naturally, I've got a lot of thoughts... This week, I'm diving into everything in an airport: from the chaos of tiny regional airports, to bathrooms that smell like something DIED, to the very specific personalities you encounter on every airline. I'm unpacking all of it. I'm recapping my late...

I survived working retail and honestly… I don’t know how ?!?!? This week we’re getting into the absolute CHAOS that comes with RETAIL. The insane customers, managers with attitude problems, and the trauma that follows me every time I step into a store!! Retail truly builds character. Unfortunately, I think I would've been just fine without it. OH...and I also talk about hitting ONE MILLION FOLLOWE...

This week on The Wash, Evelyn Gonzalez (@evelyngonzalez) is HERE!!! We get to YAP about everything that's important (or not important at all ??): from getting dressed (or simply refusing to), hobbies and horseback riding, to Evelyn’s move to LA in 2016 and surviving the skinny jean epidemic. We also get VERY real about relationships... When is it time to trust your man, and when are you just ignor...

My friend Nick Norcia (@nick_norcia, @overallcountry) is living proof that you never know what's coming next! This week we talk all about Nick's latest adventures: beekeeping, gardening, and turning Los Angeles into his own personal ranch. We both talk about our love of growing up in the South, playing mermaids in the pool, and then we chat the wild story of him meeting Lana Del Rey (and somehow t...

This week I'm diving headfirst into 90s/00s nostalgia!!! From Tamagotchis and Webkinz...to Hilary Duff and the wonderfully unhinged era of TLC (19 Kids and Counting, Wife Swap, and more). Plus, we discuss the World Cup halftime show, I reveal what you SHOULD NOT DO when emailing me... and we taste-test nostalgic snacks to find out if childhood was actually delicious… or if we were just easily impr...

It's my birthday, which means I had one very important job: make this entire episode all about ME! I'm handing out trophies for the dumbest decisions, the funniest stories, the biggest life moments, and the absolute chaos that somehow keeps finding me. From accidentally meeting celebrities (without knowing who they were) to Franklin creating one of the worst Roomba disasters imaginable, there's an...

This week I'm BACK! And finally giving the full Europe debrief... But a return to the states wouldn't be normal if there wasn't a few hiccups (or almost getting attacked by a coyote at my house lol). Join me as I chat through my trip, the Uber driver who gassed me in his car, and even my run in with the flight attendent who thought I came off the street. OH! And BACK by popular demand...the return...

@JulianCookies has interviewed countless celebrities on red carpets, but can he recognize their most iconic quotes? On The Wash this week, we're talking surviving airport chaos, what celebrities are actually like on the red carpet, Arby's favorites, chicken salad opinions that could end friendships, and Ariana Grande Concerts! Get ready to go for a SPIN! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit meg...

What do pyramid schemes, karaoke, Shrek 5, mystery socks, and wedding photography have in common? ME evidently!!! This week we are breezing through my past jobs before I got started at the laundromat! Chatting through all my favorite stories from my crazy past jobs. Also we try a new segment this week called "Mystery Socks"! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Join us as my mom clocks into The Wash this week to finally air out some family laundry. We tackle the important questions—like what's actually in her will, who she expects to take care of her when she's old, and whether I was really as dramatic as she claims growing up. We also revisit my coming out story, talk about her surprising new life as an empty nester, and uncover how she somehow became t...

Emmy-award-winning (kinda) mexican actress and future husband to Pedro Pascal, ULY MORAZAN (@UlyandErnesto), is CLOCKING into The Wash this week!!! Join Uly and I to chat about the south, quinceañeras, milk chug (?) and MORE! I might even force Uly to narrow down his future husbands and finally leave some hot guys for the rest of us! Check Uly out on Instagram and TikTok at @UlyandErnesto and his...

The Wash's most anticipated guest EVER is finally sitting down for his first exclusive tell-all interview!!! FRANKLIN is clocking into the laundromat to tell you all about his childhood while confronting all of my crazy stories head on! Join us this week as I chat all things Franklin and answer frequent questions I get with the man (dog) himself !!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphon...

@Grace_Africa has clocked in at the wash to talk all things stand-up comedy, toxic situationships, and her roots in Houston! Being a black woman in comedy isn't for the weak, but Grace is killing it! Join us as we laugh through Grace's experiences as the "thought" daughter and her journey to find her soulmate!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In a bad mood?! So am I. Thank Goodness Dalia Chavez (@daliaelichavez) is here to cheer us up! On today's load of The Wash, we dive into our biggest fears: Teslas, Minivans, and Motherhood. Dalia is an official Corn Connoisseur and educates us on all things CORN (p.s. it's not from Iowa). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Clocking in this week at the wash, I'm bringing in some family for some free labor....MY SISTER! Join us this week as I confront her about all of our childhood fights, secretly reading her childhood journals, and our dog that our parents LIED to us about. We're also talking about the scholastic bookfair (so iconic) and all of the things we hate about people in airports!! Get ready to clock in !! L...