The Virtual Couch

Ending your relationship with a narcissist can leave one feeling discarded, less than, and what Ross Rosenberg, author of “Human Magnet Syndrome” calls “Pathologically lonely.” That loneliness is part of what Rosenberg Identifies as “Self-Love Deficit Disorder.”  https://www.selfloverecovery.com/pages/self-love-deficit-disorder-and-self-love-abundance  In today’s episode, Tony reads a fe...

Tony asks the question, are you really looking for advice or validation? Tony reads Hunter S. Thompson's iconic "Letter on Finding Your Purpose and Living a Meaningful Life." Thompson wrote the letter in April of 1958 at the age of 22 to his friend, Hume Logan, in response to Logan's request for life advice. Many believe that Thompson's letter to Logan is some of the most profound and thoughtful a...

Tony welcomes therapist and friend Sam Tielemans, LMFT, to the Virtual Couch. They cover topics from shame's role in furthering addictive behaviors to why working with your spouse can ultimately be a powerful way to enhance recovery. They tackle the challenging issue of pornography, is it an addiction or does that matter when it comes to recovery? They challenge the "once an addict, always an addi...

Tony Overbay, LMFT, defines "Coercive Control," as more than domestic violence. Courts across the country are now including isolation, monitoring one's movements, finances, daily behaviors, and more. Tony refers to the article "Does Your Relationship Include Coercive Control," by Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/5-types-people-who-can-ruin-your-life/202203/does-you...

On Saturday, February 5th, my daughter, Alexa, drove to the gym after completing a week in the externship of her dreams. She was just a few months shy of graduation to become an ultrasound technician. She had committed to a physical health routine months ago and was in the best shape of her life. She was living apart from her husband Mitch for the first time as he completed his final semester of c...

Tony shares a letter from someone recognizing the patterns of narcissism in their own relationship after hearing examples of others. Plus Tony shares an excerpt from the book "The Girl Before," by Rena Olson. In the story, one woman learns of how unusual it feels to discover what a "healthy" relationship looks like.  Tony mentioned his "Magnetize Your Marriage" workshop happening on April 7th...

Paul Gilmartin, comedian, and host of the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast talks about his own struggles with depression, what led him to start his podcast, how meditation has helped him, what he does for self-care and why we need to continue to destigmatize and talk about mental health more in society. Find Paul at  mentalpod.com   Go to  http://tonyoverbay.com/magnetic  to s...

Tony revisits the "Levels of Intimacy." Physical attraction may be enough to bring a couple together initially but is it enough to sustain a relationship when you feel disconnected emotionally, spiritually, or intellectually? Or how about when you feel like anything you say to each other is a trigger for an argument? Learn how to form a more healthy view of intimacy, beginning with psychologi...

Tony Overbay, LMFT, gives more examples of how narcissists slowly destroy their partner's sense of self, using the "death by a thousand cuts" phenomenon. Narcissists will employ a consistent and relentless amount of small, hurtful phrases and actions that may feel like they aren't a big deal to those who haven't experienced the pattern. But to the victim of narcissism, it feels like they are slowl...

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by the number of options in front of you? Whether it is what show to begin on Netflix, Hulu, Prime, or HBO, what major you should declare in school, or what to eat for dinner? Most of us have been paralyzed by what psychologists term "Analysis Paralysis," or being so overwhelmed by choices that we can't decide. In today's episode, Tony Overbay, LMFT, dives deep...

After working with well over 1,000 couples as a marriage therapist, Tony Overbay, LMFT, gives his top 11 tips to a happier marriage. If you are interested in learning more about the 4th round of Tony's "Magnetic Marriage" course, please visit  http://tonyoverbay.com  and send him an email through the contact form.  With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country,...

Tony covers parenting, co-parenting, and parallel parenting with a narcissist. Tony refers to the article "Co-parenting with a narcissist: tips and strategies," from https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/custody/special-circumstances/co-parenting-with-narcissist.php Plus, he shares a listener email that discusses the importance of working on yourself outside of the relationship with the narcissist...

Tony gives an update on his personal journey with Attention Deficit Disorder. Tony discusses the 7 types of ADD from Daniel Amen's book "Healing ADD - The Breakthrough Program That Allows You to See and Heal the 7 Types of ADD"  https://read.amazon.com/kp/embed?asin=B00C1N97EO&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_KQP1DC7XQZTKX27P4HQ3&tag=tonyoverbay-20 With the conti...

Nate Christensen, APCC, joins Tony to discuss the neuroscience of narcissism. Nate references the article "Can neuroscience help to understand narcissism? A systematic review of an emerging field" from Personality Neuroscience https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/personality-neuroscience/article/can-neuroscience-help-to-understand-narcissism-a-systematic-review-of-an-emerging-field/B5CB5310003D...

Originally Recorded 2/20/22 Tony dives deep into one woman's story of the gradual process of losing herself to a narcissist and the lengthy process of escaping the emotionally unhealthy relationship. With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't continue or begin therapy now.  http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch  can put you quickly in...

Originally Recorded 2/11/22 Tony answers questions about the importance of working with a therapist that is familiar with emotional immaturity, or narcissistic traits and tendencies, and he shares listener stories of the positives and negatives of trying to attend couples therapy with a narcissist. With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't c...

Originally Recorded 2/4/22 Tony provides new insight on the narcissistic trauma bond. He references the article " What Is Trauma Bonding ?" by Ariane Resnick, CNC. With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't continue or begin therapy now.  http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch  can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health pr...

Originally Recorded 1/28/22 Tony defines and gives examples of two common terms used in the context of narcissism, "gray rocking" and "smear campaign," and he explains how even with words to explain the situation that many people find themselves in, the process has only just begun. Thanks to the Narcissist Family Files for their glossary of narcissistic terms  https://narcissistfamilyfiles.co...

Originally Recorded 1/21/22 Tony reads listener emails including one that asks questions about how to avoid passing along narcissistic trauma to your children and he reads an amazing poem submitted by a listener that beautifully describes the process of awakening to the narcissistic traits and tendencies of a partner. He also discusses how avoidant and anxious attachment styles often come from emo...

Originally Recorded 1/14/22 Tony interviews author, and podcast host Suzanne Falter  https://suzannefalter.com/  on her experience navigating a relationship with a narcissistic partner. Suzanne Falter is a successful author, podcast host, speaker, and survivor of a relationship with a narcissistic partner. Suzanne talks about the significant life changes that led to a cross-country move...

Originally Recorded 1/7/22 Tony talks about the connection between Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) and Narcissism. He refers to the website Highly Sensitive Person ( http://hsperson.com ), and he discusses an excellent article, “Do Highly Sensitive People Attract Narcissists?” By Andre Solo from https://highlysensitiverefuge.com/highly-sensitive-people-attract-narcissists/ With the continuing "shel...

Originally Recorded 12/31/21 Tony reads some listener emails and answers questions around narcissism and the correlation with emotional immaturity. He also addresses why more men exhibit narcissistic traits and tendencies and he dips a toe in the water and then dives all the way in with how to communicate with a narcissist using his "4 Pillars of a Connected Conversation." With the continuing "she...

ORIGINALLY RECORDED ON 12/24/21 In this special bonus episode, Tony shares the importance of giving yourself grace when you find yourself all caught up in your thoughts and feelings. Then Tony shares an episode from The Virtual Couch that will help you begin to set the table for the changes that are about to occur in your life as you continue to wake up to the narcissistic relationships in your li...

ORIGINALLY RECORDED ON 12/17/21 For many people trying to break free from unhealthy narcissistic relationships, a "no contact" policy is recommended. Tony discusses the challenges of going "no contact", as well as what healthy vs unhealthy reasons, look like for adopting a no-contact policy. Tony refers to the article "Narcissists and the No Contact Rule" from https://psychologia.co/narcissis...

ORIGINALLY RECORDED ON 12/10/21 In today’s episode shares the poem “Welcome to Holland” in the context of accepting, and mourning, the relationships that many people realize they won’t have with the narcissist in their lives, be it their spouse, parent, adult child, boss, etc. Then Tony covers the topic of what is OK to share with others who may not yet have woken up to the narcissistic traits or...