the utter

READING… HOW TO MISS YOUR LIFE EVEN AS IT’S HAPPENING I KNOW WHAT WORKS (BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT) 11.11 THERE ARE ENOUGH TERRIBLE THINGS HACKS FOR EVERYDAY MAGIC THE GRIME IS FULL OF NUTRIENTS ily ❤️🌺✨🥰😊🥹 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yrsadaleyward.substack.com/subscribe

The tower never manages to pierce the sky, which is lilac-silver, peaches, mist, and always deserving of a mention in this longer, desperate month. Summer is on the way. We must get happy, or else. . Sometimes, when I'm just about ready to fall asleep, I picture you on your feet, moving through the muggy air on the other side of this world, feeding the plants, testing the sweetness of the plums. ....

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We lie in bed, discussing how tough things are. We rise up, then, to Attack The Day because we came from nothing, and we're still around. It's a special kind of effort, and it's killing us. Everything I say in anger is a version of, "I'm tired." Everything you say in your defence is a version of "be kind ." We can't save each other, either. We've tried. We drink our coffee and check our mail. You...

I’ve already forgotten your beat-up fingers, your peppercorns, the ice in your eye  the way that you move like a warning, I think.   Anyway. It was that time against the backdrop of trees the russet sky, the houses built like half promises on rocks when I started to get wise.                                             There was drama going on, inland.  A thin sliver of moon wet oil on the ground,...

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This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit yrsadaleyward.substack.com Note: half listened to this and cringed as always, but in the season and spirit of authenticity, here’s my ramble in its choppy unedited form Also, talk to me. How are you feeling this December? As promised, here is the link to last year’s post about this time of year

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit yrsadaleyward.substack.com POEMS YOU ARE A FOUR LETTER WORD No one will ever convince me that houses are not alive. Your house always looked like it was smiling. Your bedroom would often try to kill me. I will tell them your name. No. I won't tell them your name. It doesn't matter now anyway, or you matter too much. I am still taking yo...

from today’s reading…. 1. the middle finger poem 2. how to miss your life (even as it’s happening) 3. poetry , from ‘bone.’ 4. when it is it but it ain’t, from ‘bone.’ 5. we’ll be fine 6. untitled 7. you have to break, take breaks, or both. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yrsadaleyward.substack.com/subscribe

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photo by Tonje Thilesen This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yrsadaleyward.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yrsadaleyward.substack.com/subscribe

“What is life without bruising to show for it? What is the universe without the existential question? I still have the markings from all my best days. I still have the stories from all the big nights.” This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yrsadaleyward.substack.com/subscribe

“Rest is not giving up. Sometimes you just need to take a breath from those things that feel fruitless.” Love you all, Happy Friday!!!!! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yrsadaleyward.substack.com/subscribe

“Sometimes I really don’t know about this. There are so many things that make the world unsafe, and so much that makes it wonderful and all of them are true. True like flowers. Soil. War. True like ice, until it isn’t. True like water, until it isn’t. True like us. Until we aren’t.” This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visi...

“I cannot keep up with the weather. I have no aspirations to do so. There were flurries as we slept. Rest gave us certain answers. We may not recall them right now, but we stole them away in our bodies. Dreams spoke and sang to us and removed some ideas that were blocking us. Sleep is a wild, wild miracle; its healing primarily unknown. When I wake before five, it’s a good day; when I sleep before...

Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash You wake, your weather against your window your thoughts against yourself. Last night was triumphant in its way, you should have been there. God, you should have been there. There were glittering scenes everywhere; rain fell, people bloomed, wore black and blues, saw their reflections suddenly, shouted, left home, fell in love with somewhere else. Did you stay ar...

rambling about phone calls and the like This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yrsadaleyward.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yrsadaleyward.substack.com/subscribe

picture by Simon Berger This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yrsadaleyward.substack.com/subscribe

With all my love, to every single one of you xxxx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yrsadaleyward.substack.com/subscribe

another scattered voice note lol thoughts from the dark coming into the light. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yrsadaleyward.substack.com/subscribe

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yrsadaleyward.substack.com/subscribe

IT’S !! ASK THE UTTER ON FRIDAY! GOT QUESTIONS?   this is where you ask them . This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit yrsadaleyward.substack.com/subscribe

We are afraid of small things. Large things. Dead things. Things that are living and persistent. Things that we must do but keep putting off. Legal and numerical things. Filthy, delicious things, so deadly they seem like fun. Things that move gently and in secret. Slow-moving things. Ill health. Death. Things like The End of the World. Things that we don’t and will never control. Things that will...