The Unburdened Leader

What do you want to be known for? And what actions do you take to be seen in that light?  What lengths do you go to to avoid being misunderstood and viewed differently than what you want to be known for?  What drives what you want to be known for, and what are your choices to uphold your desired image or reputation? Most of us have multiple internal agendas that shape our decisions and how we show...

What are you deliberate about in your life? What does living deliberately mean to you? Would you say that you’re a deliberate person? Would those who know you say that you are deliberate in how you live your life and lead? Living deliberately can be a real challenge, especially when we’re constantly dealing with unexpected issues and navigating through the many crises in our world. The pace of lif...

Do you have thoughts about how the word “trauma” and other therapy-speak terms have bled into our day-to-day conversations in person, at work, and on social media? Do you feel pressure to perform being “okay,” even when you’re anything but? Have you ever pursued a project or career milestone only to realize, once you achieved it, that it no longer fits your life, values, or interests? Today’s gues...

What does healing mean to you?  What expectations do you hold around how we heal and how quickly we heal? Meeting our basic human need to be loved and experience belonging can be the root of many things we do, say, and want–for better or for worse. Many of us have experienced relationships that shape how we pursue love and belonging, how we respond to folks who are different or have differences, h...

If you love, you experience loss.  Looking back over the last few years, who or what have you lost? A loved one, a friendship, a relationship, a pet, a job, your health, your community? Something else?  Have you had time to reflect on and grieve your losses and find meaning and sense in all you experienced?  And how do you talk about your losses with those around you, if at all? We cannot engineer...

Are you aware of all the expectations you hold yourself to? The day-to-day buzzing of our inner life can feel relentless, can't it? We're all too familiar with the bombardment of 'shoulds' about how we should act, dress, talk, move, etc. It's a struggle that resonates with each one of us, making us feel understood in our shared experiences.  We carry so many shoulds from our family of origin, cult...

Many of us are familiar with the kind of person who easily earns the moniker ‘toxic’ and instills fear, rage, and frustration in those around them. What do you do when you work with a toxic leader? How do you feel when toxic leaders continue to get promoted and receive accolades? And what do you do when others make excuses for these toxic leaders, like saying their skill set or network is too impo...

Do you feel frustrated by recurring struggles with self-doubt, hypervigilance, and overwhelm? Behind many of your inner doubts, self-judgements, fears, and insecurities lie echoes from old betrayals or relational hurts. These breaches of trust in important relationships don’t necessarily lose their impact on how you lead and work just because they happened a long time ago. So when you're doing som...

Have you ever done something steadily, week in and week out, for a period of time? What did you learn about yourself and the world around you in the process? Was there anything that came up that surprised you? Putting in consistent reps and hundreds of hours towards something inevitably shapes and changes you, and producing this show has been no different for me. Today I’m celebrating the 100th ep...

Have you ended a relationship to get relief from tension and conflict? Do you struggle with developing a clear sense of boundaries around what’s your responsibility and what’s not, especially when feeling responsible for how others think and feel?   When relationships are toxic, abusive, and oppressive and the other person does not have the interest or capacity to work on the relationship, ending...

What is your relationship with conflict and disagreement? Do you see conflict as bad or dangerous or simply a natural part of relationships and being in a group or on a team? What helps you move through conflict and differences of opinion when things are heavy and charged?  Do you avoid it at all costs? Or do you try to be a peacemaker and help everyone feel heard? Or do you dive right into the ar...

Do you find yourself in a constant state of proving? Proving that you are a good enough leader, parent, partner, fill in the blank?  Do you know what drives your need to prove to others and yourself?  When does the need to prove you are good enough and worthy enough show up the most? At work, in your relationships with others, or maybe in your relationship with yourself? When you fall into a const...

What is your relationship with your anger?  How much of your stress and exhaustion is fueled by repressed anger and rage?  And how do you respond when those around you express anger? Our experiences early in life, experiences at our places of work and education, and our conditioning from culture all play significant roles in how we view and respond to anger and rage within and around us.  And for...

When you experience injustice, how do you respond?  Do you immediately speak up and fight back? Maybe you get introspective and go deep into reflection, weighing out different options and scenarios before deciding how or whether to take action.  Or do you suppress your authentic emotions and maintain a facade until you have figured out your next move? Many factors inform how you respond to threats...

What worked for you in 2023? What did not work this year?  What data did you collect about yourself, your work, and your relationships?  What do you want to take into 2024, and what do you want to leave behind?  Yes, it’s that time of year when I share one of my favorite and most fruitful practices of looking back and looking forward - my annual debrief.   My debrief practice teaches me the power...

As you approach the new year, do you focus on results-oriented New Year’s resolutions, or do you prefer to set broader intentions for the year? In a time where we are overbooked, over-committed, and weighed down by all that is going on in the world, messages promising the results we crave can make us vulnerable to feeling like we are doing something wrong for feeling out of sorts because we do not...

Have you ever felt like what you are known for does not fit you anymore?  Or maybe you feel like it is time to change your professional focus, but you question whether you have the credentials or whether people will take seriously the shifts you want to make. So many of us experience angst when we want to change things up in our work and life. We change as we move through life. Change is part of o...

What is your relationship with money? Do you have a healthy or neutral relationship with money? Or do you fall into the common extremes of worrying about it, constantly thinking about acquiring more money, or avoiding knowing what is happening with your finances or checking out on your responsibilities around money?   And what is your relationship with giving away your money? Is it part of a spiri...

When you see a need, what do you do?  Do you jump in and try to solve the problem?  Or do you think about it for a while and workshop all the options and scenarios in your head before deciding whether to take action or not?  Both ways can be valid, needed, and valuable. And both have their pitfalls.  When we jump in to solve a need or problem, we can end up on a path to a crash course in humble pi...

When people talk about gender bias and sexism, what comes to mind?  Are you clear about when gender bias happens to you and around you? Or does it feel so common it’s hard to discern? The mixed messages about how to respond to gender bias and sexism keep us flailing, even when there are efforts to make meaningful change.  We need to make these changes at all levels of leadership and as long the bu...

Would you call yourself a powerful person?  Do you trust yourself with power? Does owning your power feel a bit like holding a hot potato? The many ways we learn about power–often by having it taken away from us, seeing it taken away from others, or seeing people go to great lengths to take and keep power, no matter the cost or casualties–understandably influence our understanding of power for the...

Do you know if you have ever been a part of a cultish or high-demand community? Do you know what qualities to look for in a high-demand community? High-demand communities may bring images of cults with extreme behaviors, demands, and rituals to your mind. But when you examine the communities you love, some fall on the spectrum of cultish or high-demand communities.  Cultish and high-demand communi...

Your relationship with grief impacts all your relationships - whether you know it or not.  While the experience of grief is universal, we still react to grief in ways that often stigmatize and alienate our grief or the grief of others in the name of professionalism, boundaries, and self-protection.  And when we face a loss from suicide and all the layers and nuances of this particular type of loss...

Groups are a microcosm of life and the greater systems in which we live and work.   We learn so much about ourselves and others in groups.  They refine our leadership and communication skills. They highlight our growth edges and our capacity for conflict. And they can bring out the best - and the worst - in us, sometimes at lightning speed.  So many of us can recall frustrating and, too often, har...

When you look back on your career trajectory, what do you notice?  Do you see an even trajectory in your career path? Or has your career taken some hard curves outside of the expected norms?  What can seem like a setback in our planned career path can sometimes lead us to experiences that we would never have pursued - opening us up to ideas and possibilities that we would never have imagined. It i...