The Ugly Truth of Divorce

Larry handed you a parenting plan with a list of holidays, a list of breaks, and a line about vacations, and called it finished. He never told you which one wins when two of them land on the same day. And your high-conflict ex found that gap before the ink was even dry. This week I'm breaking down the one paragraph missing from almost every parenting plan on earth: the order of priority. Because a...

Your attorney lied to your damn face. The divorce didn't fix anything. It just restructured the conflict and handed it back to you with new packaging. Larry told me once the ink dried, the chaos would stop. It didn't. It got worse. Because court orders don't change behaviors. They just give your ex a new arena to perform in. And your "fresh start"? Four months later it gets tested in ways Larry ne...

You've been telling your ex to stop for years. They never have. They never will. Because boundaries aren't what you say. They're what you damn do. That's the truth I had to learn the hard fucking way. Your high-conflict ex does not give a shit what you ask them to stop doing. The only thing they respond to is what YOU do in response. That's the entire damn game. And the second I got it, my whole l...

Your ex didn't fight for 50/50 because they wanted more time with the damn kids. They fought for it because it was the cheapest divorce strategy on the table. Sit with that. While you were sitting in mediation signing what you thought was a fair split, your ex was calculating how much child support they wouldn't have to pay anymore. And it worked. Look at your bank account. Look at who picked up t...

Hundreds of hearings later, I can spot the parent who's about to lose custody the second they walk into the courtroom. It's not the one with the worst story. It's not the one with the worst ex. It's the one who showed up unprepared, dressed wrong, fidgeting in their seat, and trusting Larry to save them. And in 45 minutes, that parent is going to cry on the stand. Defend themselves on cross. Glare...

You stood up. You said "my ex is a narcissist." And every person in that courtroom over the age of 40 silently rolled their damn eyes at you. Welcome to the dumbest move in custody court. Yet half of you are still going to do it next month. Somewhere along the line, you decided that the buzzwords you learned from a TikTok therapist were going to seal the deal. Narcissist. High conflict. Toxic. Man...

Your ex read it. Four days ago. They're not answering. And you're still waiting. That's the part that should piss you off. Not their silence. Yours. You're the one rewriting the same message for the third time today. You're the one losing sleep over an inbox that hasn't moved. You're the one walking around bitter and on edge while they sit on their damn couch enjoying the fact that you're falling...

Your lawyer isn't protecting your ass. They're protecting their next damn retainer. A client just emailed me telling me her attorney said to keep her parenting plan "loosey goosey." That was the actual phrase he used. Loosey. Goosey. I almost lost my shit. Because that one piece of advice is exactly why so many of you are still in court three years after your divorce was supposed to be done. That...

The joint birthday party isn't for your kid. It's for the photo. Sit with that. Because that's the brutal truth nobody is willing to say out loud. You're not throwing it because your child needs it. You're throwing it because YOU need to look like the bigger person, and your kid is just the prop. In this episode I'm telling you why writing joint birthday parties into your parenting plan is one of...

Stop fucking asking your kids what they want in the parenting plan. There. I said it. We're talking about why this "loving" little question is actually one of the most damaging things you can do to your child during a divorce. I know, I know. You think you're being fair. You think you're being inclusive. You think it's loving because "it's about the kids." Bullshit. What you're actually doing is d...

Court parenting plan templates are a f*cking scam. These things get handed out like candy by overworked judges and lazy attorneys, and you're expected to live by them for the next 18 years of your kid's life. Make that make sense. In this episode, I'm giving you the five reasons you should never walk into court without your own plan. You know your kids. You know your ex. You know your schedule. Yo...

Let me cut the shit. If you're reading this with a knot in your stomach because you already know your attorney is dogshit, congratulations, your gut is smarter than your wallet. I'm here to confirm every nasty thought you've had about Larry the Lawyer. I'm dragging the 10 signs that you hired the absolute wrong attorney for your divorce and custody case. And before Larry crawls into my comments cr...

Okay, let's just rip the bandaid off. I spent an absolute ass load of money on my divorce, and at 47 years old, I'm still working through the damage from financial decisions I made in my early thirties. Not the debt. The trauma. In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on the financial scars of high-conflict divorce that nobody fucking talks about. Because here's the thing: when you're middle...

Listen. If you're in custody hell right now, this episode is either gonna piss you off or save your life. Probably both. I spent 18 years in high-conflict co-parenting. $100K+ in legal fees. 300+ court dates. And I'm here to tell you the shit nobody wants to hear. Your parenting plan sucks and you know it. Yeah, your attorney told you it's fine. They lied. A vague parenting plan costs you money, t...

Your attorney just told you that bringing a prepared parenting plan to mediation makes you "controlling." And you believed them. That's the problem right there. I'm a former mediator. I've been doing this for a decade. And I'm telling you straight up: that "controlling" label is bullshit designed to keep you dependent, confused, and broke. Here's what actually happens: You walk into mediation comp...

4th of July sounds fun until you're divorced. Then it's a shit show. I've read your parenting plans. I've seen what Larry the Lawyer put in there. One sentence. Sometimes not even a good one. "4th of July shall be alternated annually." Cool. No start time. No end time. No overnight. No transportation plan. Nothing. And then July 3rd hits and you and your ex are going to war over details that shoul...

If you have never tried to use your vacation clause yet just wait because that shit is about to show you exactly how screwed you really are. In this episode I am breaking down four vacation clauses that I see written into real parenting plans all the time and every single one of them is trash. Not kind of problematic. Not a little vague. Trash. And somebody charged you money to write them. "Reason...

Your ex is about to call you a liar, a cheat, and an unfit parent in front of a mediator who isn't going to do a damn thing about it. And if you walk in unprepared, you will sit there for hours getting obliterated and agree to things you never should have agreed to just because you were exhausted and emotionally done. I've seen it too many times and it. makes. me. feral. Here's what nobody tells y...

Your ex is already planning to ruin your summer. Is your parenting plan ready? I'm not being dramatic. Summer break is the number one gap I see in parenting plans and it blows up every single year like clockwork. You think your ex will just go along with the summer camp plan. They won't. You think the school year schedule carries over. It doesn't. You think common sense will prevail. Oh honey, it...

You're sleeping down the hall from the person who drained your bank account, put cameras in the living room, and told your kids god knows what, and your attorney is calling it a strategy. That's nesting. Let's talk about why it's bullshit. Here's what nobody tells you: nesting isn't just the long-term custody arrangement where the kids stay put and parents rotate in and out. It also includes that...

You are out here letting a Facebook comment section pick the person who is supposed to fight for your kids and you do not even see the problem with that. This episode is one I needed to make because it is coming up constantly with my clients in real time. People are walking into attorney consultations completely unprepared, hiring the wrong person for all the wrong reasons, and then wondering why...

Real quick before we get into it. If your ex's name is anywhere near your kid's phone plan, fix that today. I'll wait. Okay. Now that we've handled that, let's talk about why I stopped putting cell phones in parenting plans and why I will never go back. This is not an episode about screen time or what age your kid should get a phone. I don't care about that and honestly it's none of my business. W...

Your ex has been wiping their ass with your parenting plan for six months and the court just handed them more toilet paper. And everyone in that courtroom acted like that was completely normal. I am done sugarcoating the contempt process. It is broken, your high conflict ex has already figured that out, and every day you walk around thinking a strongly worded motion is going to finally hold them a...

Your ex didn't become unhinged overnight. Your parenting plan just finally gave them the tools to show you. If you have the words "open communication" sitting in your parenting plan with absolutely nothing else around them, you did not write a rule. You wrote a blank check. And your high-conflict ex has been signing their name to it every single day since you both walked out of that courtroom. Thi...

If you are the most put-together person in your friend group, I need you to understand that is not a compliment, that is a warning. Let me ask you something and I need you to sit with it for a second. The people you are calling when everything blows up, are they actually helping you get through this, or are they just really entertaining to gossip with? Because I have been there. I had a whole circ...