The Tim Hawkins Podcast

The gang tries to paint a picture of the typical Hodunk listener and discusses discount cremation practices. Heather opens up about her family’s fancy (and no-longer secret) Italian hotel. Tim learns to speak German, for dogs. Livy makes her father an offer he simply can’t refuse. Luke unveils his plan to make millions with little more than a box fan. And, crappaw returns to either show support or...

The gang goes news panel and reports on their respective areas of expertise. Livy keeps Luke’s ego in check and questions reality (television). Tim is made to feel inferior by every single person on the internet. Luke tries to fix Netflix and strives to be the best that no one ever was. Heather scratches her 20 year itch...gently! Thank you to our sponsors this week: Faithful Counseling: Go to htt...

Tim gives the gang an anthropological lesson on why females converse more than their male counterparts. Livy comes down with a horrible case of carrot chest (it’s serious). Heather tells the story of the nine hawks. The gang goes down memory lane with the long history of Hawkins Houses and their eclectic basements.  Luke does his best to grow facial hair among his lumberjack brothers.  Big thanks...

The gang gets real about a certain country music mega-star and debates her true identity. Luke explains ‘ghosting’ to Tim by declining to answer his question and walking off the podcast. Heather recounts a true western stand-off witnessed at her local Walmart. Tim critiques international music and sings with an unparalleled European flare and grace. Livy enters the draft and is already reporting b...

The gang gets current and talks current events that are happening currently. Tim makes his plot known to “Will Smith” Albert Pujols upon his return to St. Louis. Livy saves people’s lives after having just one sip of hard seltzer. Heather sprays water at the TV during the Oscars. Luke condones steroid use in the competitive world of podcasting. Thanks to FaithfulCounseling for sponsoring this epis...

The gang swaps out Livy for Levi (with just a couple vowels), then talks their favorite and least favorite phrases. Tim softens the blow on telemarketers after Heather sets him straight. Luke and Levi relive the foundation of human civilization through a game of squish ball. Oh, and there will be scat.  Thank you to this week's sponsors! Athletic Greens: Get a free 1 year supply of Vitamin D and 5...

Tim’s inside news source in Eastern Europe has almost no clue what’s going on in Ukraine. The gang receives a complimentary batch of 2-piece swimsuits. Livy breaks down the step-by-step process of raising comedically gifted children. Heather gets road rage and hits a building with her car that was giving her some attitude. Luke recalls his boyhood days in the woods and, reportedly, is the first hu...

Tim gets a holy seal of approval from a street walker. Heather's new trainer makes her cry, but she assures us that she’s loving it. Luke and Livy spar over sparse food. Jackson, in his latest rant, issues the final verdict on peanut butter and celery. Plus, an old gem straight from Tim’s Comedy Vault…the Stalker Song!  Thank you to our sponsors! Goodr: Go to goodr.com and use code TIM for 15% off...

Love lingers as the Hawkins couples discuss their romantic origin stories. Tim forces Luke to issue an apology to all women for his offensive jokes.  Livy uses every spare tire in the St. Louis metro area. Heather, much like Nike, just does it. Oh, and more rapping! Big Thanks to our Sponsors!  ExpressVPN: Visit ExpressVPN.com/HAWKINS to get 3 extra months free! Athletic Greens: Get a FREE 1 year...

Love is in the air for the Hawkins Gang! Tim lists out everything he loves most about his dear Heather and Livy locks herself in the bathroom with a chocolate chip cookie to hide from Luke. The gang deconstructs the food pyramid and fills in their own personal pyramid. We get a live tour of Luke’s house with exclusive Livy-DVD commentary. Plus, a remix of Crappaw that you won’t want to miss!  Inde...

The gang revels in hodunk nation engaging with the content in new and exciting ways! Another world-famous Jackson sporting event enthralls the local community. Livy makes an award-winning short film at the Hawkins House and Luke crosses the line at an ice cream shop. Heather puts a rude employee in her proper place and Tim walks Livy down the aisle once more…his favorite grocery store aisle, that...

The Gang breaks out the family tree to figure out who’s going bald and who’s keeping the flow. Livy punches Luke to relieve stress and breaks out a guitar to share her latest track. Luke fixes the sink and introduces the gang to Pindar, the world dominating lizard…who calls in later! Heather shares unfortunate stories involving tobacco spit. Tim analyzes fame and shares his secret of “outermittent...

The gang is back for an epic 2022! This week, Jackson steps off his soap box and takes a seat to join the conversation. (Don’t worry…ranting to follow). Everyone puts their heads together to try and make certain rap songs family friendly, Livy educates everyone on the art of the fitted sheet, and Jackson goes full-on Scottish. A sprawling fast food discussion ensues that will surely be referenced...

Even more special moments from 2021! Tim tries out material for the gang, Jackson keeps ranting,  Livy invokes the spirit of Ben Franklin, the gang gets heated about adverbs, new baby announcements, and that’s just the beginning!  Hodunks new and old will love this Hawkins gang wrap up. Thank you to our sponsors! Indeed: Go to indeed.com/HAWKINS to claim your $75 credit to upgrade your job post! O...

Our favorite moments from the first half of 2021! Jackson rants, Livy's vocal guitar, Tim & Luke's greatest hits, Heather's motherly guidance, tidbits from our favorite guests, and so much more. If you forgot to listen to the first 16 episodes of last year, this is your official Hawkins-approved cheat sheet! There will be a quiz.  Big Thanks To Our Sponsors! Hiya: Receive 50% off your first order....

The Gang talks best and worst of karaoke and goes Irish in an attempt to woo more American audiences. Tim forgets some material and Luke sees the weirdest form of the elephant man. Heather tries to lay down some bars and Livy puts on an all-out beatbox concert you won’t want to miss. Plus, a call in from the North Pole from good ol’ Dr. Fauci! Turns out, it’s pretty dang tough to swab an elf.  Big...

The Gang ponders the mysterious world of life before the internet. Livy confesses to not knowing the difference between the metaverse and matrix, and recounts getting sexually harassed by an elderly lady. Luke reads a particularly vicious Amazon review of a disappointed hot sauce user. Tim develops dad-envy at the golf course. Plus, everyone’s favorite Norwegian rocker, Ulf Nerfgun, rings in the s...

Tim gives the new Beatles documentary his seal of approval and uses the inspiration to write a hit single with Luke! The Gang pretends to not be pretentious by pretending not to know what precocious means (don’t ask). Livy and Heather try to nail down what to get Tim for Christmas...even though he just wants a candle. Plus, a special call in from Mark Zuckerberg, who explains the true meaning of M...

Tim gets a call from the most english englishman you’ve ever done heard. Levi joins the gang to give the outsider’s take on marriage and tell us about George Washington’s wooden...feet? Heather and Livy explain the art of feminine hair critique. Luke combines his two greatest passions into one push up. The gang decides that most people suck...and that they must be banished to a mug. Big thanks to...

The gang is joined by comedian and good ol’ Tim pal, John Branyan! A masterclass ensues on the art of stand up and everyone tries out material, new and old, that you won’t want to miss. Resolved in this episode: God decides who’s funny and who’s not and the government can get over your fence if they so desire...probably. Luke speaks blasphemy of cotton candy and Livy counts down from ten.  Big tha...

Tim cracks himself up and makes a list of lists. Luke officiates a wedding and could perhaps do yours as well. Livy ruins grilled cheese for everyone, forever. The gang laments multi-level marketing schemes and the perils of falling for one.  Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring this episode! Go to shipstation.com, click on the microphone at the top, and enter code HAWKINS to get a 60 day free tri...

Tim puts his whole life on the line on a mug. Luke turns out to be one of those anti-stop sign people. The gang decides that Hitler was bad. Livy and Tim sing a very special song about everyone’s favorite leafy bowl food. Jackson rants about the cheater-cheater pumpkin eaters. Plus, a special call in from Mr. Pope, who simply won’t hang up the phone!  Thank you to our sponsors for this episode:  P...

Tim speaks with a strung out pilot who had a few too many vaccines. Turns out that Heather is the founder (of using) Ebay. Luke gives Tim the “no cap” deal on drip and ice, which goes great. Livy demands mashed potatoes and shares her latest impression of everyone’s favorite Founding Father! Baby Holland plays us out and is simply adorable.  Big thanks to Mack Weldon for sponsoring this episode! F...

A dire call in from an ex-believer who had one too many fiber-one bars. Livy burps. Luke is open about his emotions and scavenges for everything in the Hawkins household (except banana laffy taffy). A theological debate ensues, culminating in Heather’s pronouncement of the best chick-fil-a sauce. Crappaw calls in to tell the gang he loves them and that he still has awful bowels! Thanks to Faithful...

Back from popular demand, more epic vocal guitar from Livy you won’t want to miss! Tim describes his perfect mansion in heaven and laments the danger of caring about everything. Luke tries to predict the future of transportation and shares that his secret scammer is not yet gone. Plus, a very exciting family announcement from Tim’s oldest son, Spencer! Oh, and quick sand is fake, FYI.   A big than...