The Story Must Be Told

How many living people do you equal? When they gather, what do they say about you? Do they miss you? Where did you go? Have they noticed you’re gone? The Story answers: none, no, no, nowhere, no. Invocation Psalm: “The Joke About A Noisy Dog” Liturgical Reading: “Doogie Reassembled OR The Incident” A Startling Revelation Phew, wasn’t sure I’d make it to the end of this here episode description. St...

A big city is just stuffed fulla the dead. Can’t walk a corner or occupy a room no one ain’t died in before. It’s what we call “pre-war charm.” Invocation Accusations Liturgical Reading: “Homesick” A Startling Revelation If I see you around these parts two weeks from now for another episode, I’ll know true it was love we shared today. Our first book of PSALMS: www.thestorymustbetold.com MERCH: htt...

OK. OK we gave him a CHANCE. Yep, we let Devon in on the Story game. Don't get mad at me! GEEZ. Invocation Story: "Songs from the Devon Floor" Outro Two weeks until we STORY you down AGAIN. In this episode: J.S. Bach - Violin Partita No. 2 - 4. Gigue C.W. Gluck - Melody from Orpheus G. Rossini - William Tell Overture E. Satie - Gnossienne No. 1 F.B. Conti - Il Mio Bel Foco J.S. Bach - Prelude in C...

Woof ruff woof ar-oof woof woof. Ruff ruff! Ruff ruff roo roo. Grrrrrrr. Yip yip yip yip! Nnnn nnnn nnn! Guest Preacher: Joe Pera (preorder his book at https://www.amazon.com/Bathroom-People-Pooping-Peeing-Escape/dp/1250782694) Featuring Betsy Winchester Parks (The Dog The Boy) Invocation Testimony for Dogs Liturgical Reading: “Wet Dog Smell” A Startling Revelation In two weeks you’ll be BEGGING f...

Egon wins the lottery. But this isn’t a fun lotto like Shirley Jackson’s—it gets serious! Slurp slurp, if you can. Invocation Psalm: “The Most Comfortable Sectional” Liturgical Reading: “Egon Wins The Lottery” Concluding Prayer Two weeks from now you’ll receive a Story so true you’ll be MAD at us. Our first book of PSALMS: www.thestorymustbetold.com MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com PATREON: https:...

Grandmas are tricky! You gotta love em, but also: fear em a bit. Learn from a grandma! Learn of devotion. Learn of guilt. Learn of the Story. Guest preacher: Henry Zebrowski (Last Podcast on the Left, tickets for Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again Tour on sale next week) Also featuring the voice talents of: Jackie Zebrowski John Moreno Seenna Ghaznavi Holden McNeely Ed Larson In two weeks check in again...

Birdies go tweet tweet tweet, crows go caw caw caw, and ducks go, “I will destroy you.” Never trust a bird! FEAR a bird. Guest Preacher: Chris Fairbanks (Do You Need a Ride podcast with Karen Kilgariff, “Rescue Cactus” album on 800 Pound Gorilla Records) Invocation Liturgical Reading: Bad Bad Big Willy The New Bird Sounds of 2021 In two weeks the healthy pot of Story will boil a-gain. Sniff upon I...

Who loves a HOT Cro-Croa??? Uhhhhh how about every-dang-body? Plump on it! What is Cro-Croa’s secret ingredient??? Uhhhhh who cares? Just chug it chug it CHUGIT. Can a living corporation be sated with just one human life??? Uhhhh wuddaya think, PAL? Feed yourself into the gears! Invocation Petitions for Generous, Kind, Honest Congregants Liturgical Reading: A Job at Cro-Croa Revelation Two weeks f...

Spooky monsters keep me running—running SCARED. But Pastor Andrew, heck, he CRAVES the stuff. To keep his greasy candle a-flickerin, Sis Callis and Big BR share some SPOOKY monster Stories. Chunk down! Story: The Curse of the Frase’s Return Story: The Gravefinger Come back in two weeks and we’ll still be here, eager for your embrace, holding a cup fulla STORY. Our first book of PSALMS: www.thestor...

Today is the Feast Day of Spaghett’, slurp slurp. Don’t let the marinara of prudence stain your white linen of virtue, gabbagool. Swirl this Story upon your fork and reflect: what has God ever given you that Story could not take away? Invocation A psalm judged by a jury of peers Story: The Soft Opening of Maison de Dieu A simple plea for Spaghett’ Proselytization, via @tsmbtpod Our first book of P...

Every whale sings a song, and it goes like this: “Ohhh Oh noooo Don’t take my oiiiil” But who pays attention to lyrics? If a whale sang me anything, I wouldn’t hear a word over the crackle of WHALE OIL. This week’s service is sponsored by Mark O. O! might grease be spread upon thee. Guest Chaplain: Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7 podcast, IG: @jackthatworm) Invocation Mark O’s Psalm So True Story: “The A...

Pleasure is hiding! PEEKABOO. Ohhh you have to SEEK pleasure. Search, and be warned: you will not find IT. IT will find YOU. When the Stranger appears from the alley and removes their glove, what will be waiting to tick-tick-tickle ya? A hand can be many things, even: fear itself. Invocation Psalm: More We Tolerate Story: “You’re Gonna Touch My Hand” Concluding Prayer After you’re absorbed into yo...

Remember: Purkley Katzman was ground up by a bunch of gears. It was his own dang fault for not being gear-proof. Today, we share some of Purkley’s stupid, STUPID Stories, so we might remember: he got ground up by a bunch of gears. Invocation Psalm: Fuck You, Purkley Story: “More More More More MORE Stories” Concluding Prayer Come back in two weeks and we’ll all forget Purkley Katzman was ever aliv...

Everybody’s working for the Story. Everybody’s working despite the Story. Everybody’s working because of the Story. The Story will strip you of meaning like a business sheds insurance coverage. Invocation Psalm: Pigs Aren’t Real Story: “Goodbye Pork Pie Hat” Concluding Prayer The Story is back in two weeks with something fresh for you to enjoy sip sip. Our first book of PSALMS: www.thestorymustbet...

Welcome to our Church, our soon-to-be congregant. Are you familiar with our institution? Do you know the works of the Story? Are you looking to convert someone who the Story has so far denied? Listen to this "trailer," and perhaps enjoy the featured episodes: 77. After the Attack 45. It's My Right 60. They Made a Strange Love - Guest Preacher Joe Pera The Story's gonna getcha, haha.

The Story Must Be delayed a week, dear congregant. Shh, shhh, dry your eyes, child, for we put together a special treat to help you pass the time! Our faithful patrons selected their favorite chunks of our patreon exclusive podcast: the 522 Club. We have compiled them here for YOU. Listen down and CHUNK UP. Our first book of PSALMS: www.thestorymustbetold.com MERCH true: https://topatoco.com/colle...

Here is the Story! Don’t get distracted! Not like I did at Taddy’s wedding, when the horse got loose. You see, a horse must learn every lesson with one eye then the other. Myself, I’ve always been left-eyed. Now, my uncle was right-eyed, but this was because of an incident at a barbecue with a long fork. Forks of over 5 inches in length should be classified as weapons, unless a person’s arm is so...

VRRRRRRROOOOOWWW here comes the plane beep beep open wide. Let the Story be your words, your every thought. Open your mouth wide, the Story’s gonna land inside VRRRREOOOOOWWWW Invocation Psalm: “Plane Peepin’” Liturgical Reading: “Immortal, Forgotten Words” Concluding Prayer Our first book of PSALMS: www.thestorymustbetold.com Merch VRRRROOOOOOOAA: https://topatoco.com/collections/tsmbt Patreon VR...

Goodnight My Love is now on sale as a novella: https://a.co/d/33wdnvx Come to my chest, sweet TOT, and suckle at my plastic feeding port. You can tell how much I love you by how calmly I wince. Shh shh shh, if that mockingbird don't sing, papa's gonna buy you some gasoline. Guest Chaplain: Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7 podcast, IG: @jackthatworm) Featuring: Marcus Parks (Last Podcast on the Left, No Do...

Goodnight My Love is now on sale as a novella: https://a.co/d/33wdnvx We’ve been smelling fennel for weeks, and sure enough it’s because there’s MORE. Marcus caught the sniff, and Jackie too, you bet. Sniff along, and just see what ends up inside you, ya goof. Guest Preacher: Marcus Parks (Last Podcast on the Left, No Dogs in Space) Featuring: Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7 podcast, IG: @jackthatworm) I...

Goodnight My Love is now on sale as a novella: https://a.co/d/33wdnvx We are taking a week off and sharing this recent Story so you might be fresh and PREPARED for the next two parts coming out in the new year. Marcus and Jackie will be returning for parts 2 and 3 of Goodnight My Love. *** When parasites fill your abdomen, take a deep breath, see your primary care provider, and ENJOY it. As a new...

Mark Twain's mummified corpse spins somewhere in a shallow grave fulla dirt n worms heh heh yeah you better BELIEVE. Chalmsberry Grib could palm Tom Sawyer like a basketball and dunk that skull until it was CHUNKS. Yeah, Chalmsberry Grib, you tricky tot, tell us: where did you come from? Hour 22 of the 522 Hour Story Fund-a-thon Donations Honest (www.patreon.com/tsmbt) Liturgical Reading: “The Adv...

The Story snuck into your bedroom in the middle of the night and removed something you love. Will you notice what it took? Or will you pretend not to? It’s more comfortable to be a Story coward than a Story hero. I bet YOU could tell us allllll about that. Invocation Psalm: “Chromosome Dance” Liturgical Reading: “Fax Cover Sheet” Concluding Prayer We have a Story-darn book of gooey poetry out NOW...

I got an arrhythmia and it starts with an S, and ends with a TORY. YEAH. My heart beats for the STORY, thump thump. Oooh, and if you open up your ears real wide, it’ll thump in you, too, tee hee. Cro-Croa Daytime Liturgical Reading: “The Voluntary Heart” Cro-Croa PM Thump thump, congregants, we’ll thump ya again in two thumps of the week’s thump. Merch for Daytime: https://topatoco.com/collections...

Child transformation! Spooky, scary. Boys becoming scaly, dads becoming sad. Enjoy the first Story channeled through our scabby assistant groundskeeper, Devon. The service to this glorious Story was crafted in conjunction with humble patron and VIP Story Glory Guard Congregant Dakota V! The Story’s gonna getchya, heh heh. Our Virtuous Guest Preacher: Danny Tamberelli (The Adventures of Danny and M...