The SelfWork Podcast

Messy marriages are all over the place – and living through them and maybe grieving them can at times be extremely complicated. In today’s SelfWork episode, whether you’re grieving the death of someone with whom you had a complex and even hurtful relationship or whether that relationship still exists, you are often needing to grieve that person’s impact on you. With Valentines Day fast approaching...

Today we're exploring what's termed "anticipatory grieving." When you know something is going to happen that will bring its own kind of grief… whether it’s a loved one being diagnosed with a terminal illness, an unwanted divorce being filed, learning that a child will struggle with a learning difference – it can bring a slew of emotions, many of them moving in and out of your aware...

Self-criticism can take on a life of its own. And become so constant that you have to fight it on a daily or even hourly basis. So today we’re going to focus on what may be keeping your self-criticism alive and well in ways that you don't realize. There are two steps we’ll cover. The first is raising awareness of your own inner self-critical voice. The second is assessing what role or function...

Are you being judgmental? Many of us would quickly say "no" to that question. But how many people do you know one thing about – and one thing only – and you categorize them as “bad” or “good”, "weak" or "strong," "smart" or "not the brightest bulb." It doesn’t take long for us to form an opinion. And there are obvious situations – such as one where there’s t...

How do you know if someone with sociopathic traits is playing with your mind? Today on SelfWork we’re going to talk about just that. The term cognitive dissonance has been around for quite a long time. What it’s describing is when you do something or say something that you believe to be wrong or unkind or unjust. But you do it or say it anyway. So, you’re not following or abiding by the values tha...

Disappointment. It’s a feeling in between hurt and shock. Why? Because you expect one thing – and you receive another. It doesn’t quite shock you - maybe it wasn’t totally unexpected. And it doesn’t crush you – it’s not exactly traumatic. But expectation and disappointment are totally interrelated. Some disappointment is normal of course. You don’t always win the prize or get what you were strivin...

Grief is never easy. And it can be made harder by the many things that happen with grief that you’re not prepared for – or believe ‘should’ be happening or ‘shouldn’t’. Dr. Elizabeth Kübler Ross made the observation about terminally ill people that they seemed to go through five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But she never meant for that model, no matter ho...

“Low self-esteem” is one of the symptoms or reflections of classic depression. Of course, it goes along with other symptoms or signs - a negative self-image, feelings of helplessness and/or hopelessness, not enjoying much of anything – which is called anhedonia. But how do you increase self-esteem? What is self-esteem anyway? It’s a recognition of your value – of your worth. You can have high self...

Have you ever thought that intuition could be used for healing crisis? Laura Day , the New York Times bestselling author is back with a long-awaited, life-altering book to help you learn how to do just that. In her past breakthrough book Practical Intuition , she explained how anyone can train themselves to gain full access to the powers of the intuitive brain. However, only Laura’s closest friend...

Today we have a grab bag of questions and comments, with the topics being blame, perfectly hidden depression, and bipolar disorder. The first is from a mom who lived through her daughter and yet also didn’t offer safety or a sense of security – even with the basic things. This listener is now sober for a year (much to her credit) and is asking about how to navigate her relationship with her mom –...

Anger has a place. It’s an important emotion to feel and know how to handle. It lets you know a boundary and maybe a very important boundary, value, or expectation has been ignored or crossed or threatened in a very real way. But it’s a skill then to think through what you’re going to do with that anger. It seems that there are a lot more people these days who are angry. Maybe it’s because the imm...

We’re talking about sexual abuse on SelfWork today – so please, if you have sexual abuse in your history or have somehow been affected by it, listen carefully. Sometimes I receive a voicemail where I can hear the stark heartache that’s behind the message. And this week was no exception. The hurt expressed was so palpable for me. Not only hurt, but confusion and a huge sense of loss. Who was it fro...

One of the most difficult things we all face is how to find meaning in the moments or experiences of our lives that are cruel or devastating, frightening or despairing. The very idea that that might be possible can seem to completely ignore the very real pain or injury of that moment. A book all about finding meaning...  One of the most eye-opening books I ever read, I was introduced to in a fresh...

Today we’re focusing on what are termed borderline traits as well as different types of borderline personality disorder. There are many people, primarily women, who struggle with it, without knowing what to call it. In fact, it wasn’t a “diagnosis” until 1980. But that certainly doesn’t mean it wasn’t real before that date. Having any kind of personality disorder is tough. What do those words “per...

Are you going down the high-functioning nervous breakdown rabbit hole? When I read these words, written by our guest on SelfWork today, I knew I wanted her on the show. She’s a pediatrician, a mom, an executive – and she gets it. Most women feel like failures —always feeling like they’re not doing enough, but so exhausted from their over-functioning that they have no more to give. Their go-to solu...

Today on SelfWork I’m answering questions about narcissism as well as frustration and even hopelessness about ever healing from the wounds that narcissists can cause. We’ll hear from one man whose dad he describes as extremely self-centered and emotionally abusive to both him and his mother. But asks if this is narcissism or not. Then there’s a very poignant voicemail from a woman who talked eloqu...

Shame may be one of the most, if not the most, devastating feeling about yourself that you can have. I was interviewed this week by a Swedish journalist who asked me some probing questions about my own history with shame – as she’d read an article I wrote in Psychology Today on just that topic. Here’s the last paragraph of that article: The funny thing that shame does? It lies to you. It tells you...

My guest for this episode of SelfWork is Leslie Gray Streeter, a woman I’ve “known” (or as she explains to me is a parasocial friend of mine) – since 2019 or 2020. Leslie’s first book, Black Widow, was about the death of her husband, Scott – and was told with such biting truth and gritty humor that I knew I wanted to keep up with her. She's now written her second book, Families and Other Calam...

Today we'll cover the four different types of attachment styles, and how they're created in childhood.  As an adult, they influence what you seek in relationship, what you’re comfortable or secure with and what you’re not. But your style can also change – and that’s what we’ll focus on… what you can do about it. You can also click on a link to a questionnaire in your show notes that’s free...

Today on SelfWork, in this "second time around" episode, let's focus on a quartet of players in the self-sabotage realm: procrastination, perfectionism, a negative self-fulfilling prophecy, and of course, imposter syndrome. And as always, we'll talk about... what you can do about it. What's self-sabotage? When you're doing things or not doing things that seem to get in the...

The goal of personal branding is being touted as the best way to ensure success in 2025. Here’s a statement put out by the Harvard Business Review in 2023.. “Much of professional and personal success depends on persuading others to recognize your value. You have to do this when you apply for jobs, ask for promotions, vie for leadership positions, or write your dating profile. For better or worse,...

Today we’re going to focus on AI (Artificial Intelligence) and how it might be used as in psychology and specifically in therapy. It’s interesting to see how people are responding; some states are banning its use, either to protect the jobs of people who’ve studied and received degrees (as is happening in many professions) or to warn of mistakes that AI can make or harm it can do. There was dramat...

If you've ever wondered if you had it in you to stop drinking or change any destructive habit you have, Marci Hopkins wants to tell you that you can. She's the author of Chaos to Clarity, Seeing the Signs and Breaking the Cycles,   and an award-winning TV Personality, host, show creator and executive producer of " Wake Up with Marci ." Wake Up is a talk show all about inspiration a...

Meeting Kyle Kittleson was an incredibly refreshing experience. Why? Because he lives and breathes his passion for bettering the world. Whether it's through his work with animals (he's an animal trainer), his dedication to children's learning about animals on his very popular YouTube channel, BaBa Blast.  Or his hosting of the incredibly informative MedCircle.com , where he interviews...

Today we're focusing on the anxiety of being rejected, scorned, or judged. And how it’s a prison that keeps you from feeling safe to talk about yourself in real terms. It’s not a diagnosable anxiety disorder – unless you have panic attacks along with that fear. But to me, it’s as real as any of the classic diagnoses that are out there, like OCD or generalized anxiety disorder. But when you can...