The SelfWork Podcast

Father hunger… when your dad isn’t or wasn’t available or connected with you either due to divorce, death or disinterest — causes many problems for a child and the family as a whole. But the numbers are staggering of how many homes are without dads. There are so many engaged dads out there, but when […] The post 131 SelfWork: When Your Dad Isn’t A Dad. The Effects of Father Hunger appeared first o...

No one particularly likes to fail. And what does it have to do with flying a kite? In this episode, we’ll talk about the power that failure can have in your life and what can help you learn from it. Because failure is inevitable. And far too many people shame themselves for failure and then […] The post 130 SelfWork: The Power of Failure and What You Can Learn From Flying a Kite appeared first on...

We’re talking self-talk here today. What is it? And what can you do about it? A lot of people tell me they kinda “know” what it is, but haven’t a clue how to change it. It feels as if it’s too elusive. How could you possibly rein in what your mind is telling you about […] The post 129 SelfWork: Challenging and Changing Negative Self-Talk appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherford . Our Sponsors: *...

  Dr. Jennifer Ashton of ABC News was interviewed this week as she revealed the suicidal death of her ex-husband. She stated quite clearly that he displayed none of the signs of depression that she had studied in medical school. None of them. I need to read her new book on surviving the suicide of […] The post 128 SelfWork: What Happens When You Quit Perfectly Hiding Depression? You Find Grief. ap...

There are many ways of creating problems in relationships, but there are two manipulations that are sometimes harder to see than out and out contempt or defensiveness. They are stonewalling, basically “the silent treatment” and gaslighting, when someone tries to undermine your own perceptions to the point where you distrust your own mind. The first […] The post 127 SelfWork: The Two Masked Marks o...

Do you find satisfaction and fulfillment at work? You spend many hours there so if you don’t, that can be a huge problem. In this episode, I’ve found some experts on the workplace to discuss this vital issue. What do studies show are the most important factors in being happy at work? The results are […] The post 126 SelfWork: What Makes Your Work Life… Work? appeared first on Dr. Margaret Rutherfo...

Social anxiety and shyness often get confused, but they’re far from the same. So what is social anxiety? What happens when you suffer from it? And what can you do about it? I’ll offer six steps to consider, as once again, we focus on “what you can do about it.” The listener email today is […] The post 125 SelfWork: Fighting the Fear and Loneliness of Social Anxiety appeared first on Dr. Margaret R...

Childhood neglect can be much more confusing to work through. It’s abuse all right. But its message was just as harsh as physical beatings or harsh punishment. What is that message? That you weren’t worth feeding, or being educated. Whatever physical or emotional pain you had didn’t matter. What you experienced simply didn’t matter. And […] The post 124 SelfWork: Learning from the Voices of Childh...

I’ve had the pleasure of working with several people who’ve come to me due to my writing about perfectionism and perfectly hidden depression. So we’re going to be talking about the fear of losing your edge – the edge that you believe keeps you on your toes, keeps you doing better, doing more, doing doing doing… […] The post 123 SelfWork: Are You Afraid of Losing Your Edge? Challenging Perfectionis...

  What’s love addiction? Some people use the term to describe someone who’s constantly seeking relationships. But today we’re talking about how you can be addicted to the drama of a relationship – addicted to breaking up and getting back together – addicted to the very edginess and even arguing that can be involved. We’ll look […] The post 122 SelfWork: What’s Love Got to Do With It: Love Addictio...

Trauma. Sometimes even hearing that word can make all of us cringe. Trauma is the emotional response to an event or experience occurring that was tragic and life-altering, such as a tornado, war, or a rape. You are said to be “traumatized.”  We all have unique responses to it. And ways to combat the fear, […] The post 121 SelfWork: Recovering from Trauma and How to Recreate a Sense of Safety appea...

Disappointment is hard to hear, and sometimes hard to reveal, but it’s also inevitable in a relationship. Whether it’s a one-time event or there’s a pattern that’s been established, there’s a way to work them out. But it takes emotional maturity and realizing that each time you work through a disappointment together, you build trust. […] The post 120 SelfWork: The Role of Disappointment in Relatio...

Vulnerability is a topic near and dear to my heart because I believe it’s so important to true change and growth. As prominent researcher and author Dr. Brené Brown says, “You can’t get to change without vulnerability.. period.” Vulnerability requires opening up, letting others in and telling your truth. Most of my most obvious vulnerability […] The post 119 SelfWork: Why Risk Telling Your Truth?...

I was caught off guard the other day when in my FaceBook group, I asked them to journal about a specific topic, and someone wrote that they didn’t know what journaling was. So let’s talk about journaling. What is it? How is it helpful? Are there specific problems where journaling is particularly helpful? What might make […] The post 118 SelfWork: The Incredible Power of Journaling appeared first o...

Have you made choices you terribly regret? How do you evaluate the decisions you make? Most of us might say that a choice was “right” if in five days, or five months or five years. we still feel that it was. If it stands up to the test of time, we can reassure ourselves that […] The post 117 SelfWork: A Three Step Guide to Making Decisions You Won’t (Likely) Regret appeared first on Dr. Margaret R...

What’s the difference, or is there one, between Perfectly Hidden Depression and what’s called high-functioning depression? I’m particularly motivated – in fact very sadly motivated – to talk about it because of an email I received this week from a woman whose husband killed himself. He was in his early 40’s. And no one could […] The post 116 SelfWork: Do You Have Perfectly Hidden or High Functioni...

Step-parenting may be one of the hardest jobs on earth, second only to parenting. It’s complicated, awesome, frustrating and sometimes downright irritating. Blending families successfully takes much more time than people want to think. There can be lots of personalities involved, old wounds and new hurts. So much depends on time and in what context […] The post 115 SelfWork: The Awesome, Frustrati...

How do you find a therapist? What are the pros and cons if you get a referral from a friend? What questions is it okay to ask before you start working with them? All of these questions will be answered today. Finding a therapist that you believe understands and tunes into you is a vital […] The post 114 SelfWork: How to Find and Interview A Potential Therapist appeared first on Dr. Margaret Ruther...

If you’re successful but you walk around feeling like a fake, you could be experiencing what’s called imposter syndrome – the fear that you aren’t what you appear to be. That you haven’t truly earned your place. That any day now, someone is going to discover that you’re a phony or a fraud. We’ll be featuring the […] The post 113 SelfWork: When You Feel Like A Fake: Ten Ways to Challenge Imposter S...

Let’s face it. With each new birthday, with every new decade, you can become more afraid of the future. No matter what your age, you can worry and dread aging. How do you keep on growing a sense of purpose and positivity in the face of these inevitable changes? You can tuck, and plank, and devour […] The post 112 SelfWork: One Way to Confront Your Fear of Aging — No Matter How Old You Are appeared...

Today texting is the topic and I’m talking about how to keep texting safe and healthy in both a relationship and in families. We’ll reference an article by Christine Schoenwald featured in Psych Central who talks about the six ways it can cause problems. But I’m going to stress how those problems can be avoided […] The post 111 SelfWork: How to Stay Out of Texting Trouble appeared first on Dr. Mar...

Today we’re talking about seven major myths about depression. There are many more than seven but these are common questions I get or comments I hear out in public. So we’re going to set the record straight. In this episode, sponsored by Audible.com, we’ll answer questions about PostPartum Depression, PreMenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, Bipolar Disorder and […] The post 110 SelfWork: What Depression I...

Today we’re talking about the development of perspective on your life. Of course there are many ways to do that – but a helpful tool is a timeline. What’s a timeline? It’s a tool you can use to see how events in your life are connected – what led to what… and it can help you […] The post 109 SelfWork: A First Step In Creating More Perspective on Your Life — Using A Timeline appeared first on Dr. M...

In this episode we’re talking about how to use comparison of yourself with others in a way that’s healthy and healing rather than creating a harder, more jealous or more insecure you! I’ll tell some of the stories I’ve witnessed and a couple of my own to move the discussion along, and help you see […] The post 108 SelfWork: How to Keep Comparison from Stealing Your Joy appeared first on Dr. Margar...

Today we’re focusing again on Perfectly Hidden Depression, but this time we’re talking about what PHD is not. I received two emails in the same day this week and thought someone had sent theirs twice. But they were actually sent by two different people. Both of their first sentences were, “I think you may have […] The post 107 SelfWork: What Perfectly Hidden Depression Is Not appeared first on Dr....