The Relationship Maze

Send us Fan Mail Do you feel completely exhausted a lot of the time and do you struggle with low motivation and a sense of hopelessness? In today's episode we are looking at the symptoms of burnout, a term that was coined  by the psychologist Herbert Freudenberger in the 1970s. Burnout is not a medical term but describes a cluster of symptoms that are experienced on a physical, emotional and...

Send us Fan Mail In episode 79 of The Relationship Maze we talk about the importance of gratitude and appreciation. How often do you actively stop and notice the things in life that make you feel good - a friendly exchange with the postwoman, fresh green leaves on the trees outside your house or a hug by your partner? How often do you let others, including your partner, know that you like what the...

Send us Fan Mail In today's episode we discuss the concept of mentalising: our ability to understand what goes on in our own and another person's state of mind.  Mentalising is something that we learn when growing up. The better our primary caretakers are at tuning in and paying attention to our physical and emotional needs as a child, the better we are as adults to reflect on our own th...

Send us Fan Mail Today we discuss the top relationship problems that affect couples the most. We look at ways in which these problems manifest and at possible ways of addressing them. We discuss 10 items plus one bonus one. 1. Arguments: disagreements in any relationship are entirely to be expected. However, if the relationship is dominated by endless and repetitive arguments, then you may want to...

Send us Fan Mail In today's episode we discuss the ending of a relationship and the heart ache that follows. We are all familiar with the metaphor of the broken heart.  Many songs have been sung about the experience of being left by a loved one. There actually is such a thing as broken heart syndrome at the extreme end of the emotional and physiological pain that relationship breakups can cau...

Send us Fan Mail Today Tom is talking about the importance of setting goals in your relationship, or if you are single just how important it is to set goals if you want to find a fulfilling relationship. Setting goals helps you become proactive in your life rather than reactive. Taking time to reflect on what you want and taking small regular actions is crucial in order to find and create more ful...

Send us Fan Mail In today's episode we talk about blaming others and being at the receiving end of blame. Do you often blame our partner or other people you go on a date with? Couples often blame their partner for things that go wrong in their life. Often one partner criticises the other aggressively and the other partner defends or withdraws. The more one defends or withdraws, the more the o...

Send us Fan Mail In today's episode Angela is in conversation with Dr Marni Feuerman . Dr. Marni Feuerman is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in South Florida. She is a nationally recognized relationship and marriage expert with specialized training in couples therapy. Dr. Marni is a frequently quoted expert in the media and content contributor. She has written for HuffPo, VeryW...

Send us Fan Mail Social anxiety affects large numbers in society. Judging by current trends it is on the rise and affects in particular but not exclusively people in  their 20s.  Social anxiety is the persistent and troublesome fear that other people will judge you (negatively), that you won't be able to engage with others or that you will say or do something that will leave you humiliated or...

Send us Fan Mail Are you or your partner affected by trauma in your life? Trauma has a profound effect on our overall wellbeing and in this episode we explore some of the ways in which trauma may impact you. The term 'trauma' often gets used in colloquial language to indicate high levels of stress. While it is true that all traumatic events are stressful, we cannot say that all stressful...

Send us Fan Mail In today's episode we are in conversation with Dr Ilene Strauss Cohen   - https://doctorilene.com - psychotherapist, author of five award winning self-help books and above all mother to two lively daughters.  Ilene's publications   include her most famous book, 'When It’s Never About You', and her new book, 'Anxious for Answers'. She’s a regular contr...

Send us Fan Mail The questions 'Do I really love the person I am with?' or 'Do I still love my partner?' are often asked in therapy.  In the early stages of the relationship one or both partners might be unsure whether they have made the right choice. In a more established relationship where there is a lot of conflict, partners may start to question whether there is still love...

Send us Fan Mail In today's episode we discuss common fears that come up when it comes to making a decision about your partner. We also talk about the challenges that arise if one or both partners opt out of or question their commitment to the relationship and their partner. What does the term 'commitment' conjure up for you? For many people the idea of committing to another person...

Send us Fan Mail If you know someone who is in an abusive relationship, you may wonder why they are putting up with the abuse and just don't leave. You may also ask yourself this question if you are currently in a relationship that is abusive. Domestic abuse is a pattern of behaviour in relationships where one partner maintains power and control over the other. The abuse consists of physical,...

Send us Fan Mail In today's episode we talk about the kind of behaviours that indicate that your relationship is in trouble. Some of these red flags require more urgent action, others may require attention further down the line. All of the flags listed below should not be ignored in the long run as they are likely to erode or undermine you and/or the relationship.  Pay close attention if your...

Send us Fan Mail Today we discuss different aspects of trust: the trust you place in yourself and in other people.  We have to trust other people implicitly all the time. For example, when driving a car we trust the other drivers not to crash into us. We make predictions about what is going to happen based on our previous experiences. If these experiences have been largely positive, we are likely...

Send us Fan Mail Attending to romance in your relationship is important for at least two reasons: to keep the relationship alive, exciting and fun and to continue deepening the connection between you. Ideally you pay attention to romance not just one day in the year but throughout your relationship. Romance has different connotations for everybody; we all like to be romanced in different ways.  Fo...

Send us Fan Mail Most people would regard communication as the key element of a strong relationship. Couples who start with couples therapy often say in their first session that they think they need to improve their communication skills. They believe that more talking or different ways of talking will address and improve the difficulties in their relationship. And they are right, of course. Howeve...

Send us Fan Mail Do you often get drawn into other people's conflict? Do you bring in a third person to alleviate stress? In today's episode we discuss an important concept from family therapy: the notion of triangulation. When we are in a situation of intense relational pressure, be it at work, with friends or our partner, we often bring in a third person to release some of this pressur...

Send us Fan Mail Have you been looking for a partner for some time now? Do you struggle with finding the right person for you - either you are not keen or the other person isn't smitten by you? Or are you in a relationship and unsure whether your partner is right for you? When dating you may find that you are often attracted to a similar kind of person, frequently someone who may not be the b...

Send us Fan Mail In conflict situations we tend to step into familiar roles and often endlessly repeat the same unhelpful behaviour patterns. Karpman's Drama Triangle offers a useful model to understand the three roles that play out in these situations and what needs to be done to find a way out of these repetitive conflict scenarios. The three roles we can step into are that of The Victim, T...

Send us Fan Mail Now that Christmas and New Year is behind you do you struggle with feeling sluggish, more pessimistic and less motivated than usual?  The beginning of the year is often a time when many people experience very low mood. The month of January is often associated with high levels of depressive episodes. While the idea of 'Blue Monday' is reportedly a marketing invention by a...

Send us Fan Mail In this episode we talk about new year's resolutions for the incoming year. We start off by discussing the relative merits of new year's resolutions and setting yourself goals in general. You may always start the year with lots of new plans or you may not.  Is now the time to consider what matters to you in your life and in your relationships? How do your values inform t...

Send us Fan Mail In today's episode Angela talks about the concept of differentiation. Differentiation refers to our ability to develop and evolve psychologically, on our own and in relationships with others. In relationships we need to maintain our sense of self while also getting close to another person without losing our identity. Differentiation means we are neither emotionally fused nor...

Send us Fan Mail If you celebrate Christmas you may have all sorts of expectations of the festive days. Based on your earlier experiences of Christmas you are likely to have a number of associations with Christmas - some positive, some negative. Many couples experience Christmas as stressful for a number of reasons: giving and receiving gifts that are appropriate, concerns about spending a lot of...