The Reconnect Marriage Podcast

Send a text The holiday season can sometimes be a difficult season for our marriage. Different needs, different desires, different hopes can create tension for us.  Sometimes there can be dread and/or sometimes delight. Yet,  when we develop  some understanding and awareness of how our own story of family gatherings during the holidays impacts the way we experience this holiday season, we can expe...

Send a text If we can move toward understanding one another in the midst of conflict, then understanding can lead to potentially something different next time. But if we choose to not tend to them well, they can become more disruptive over time. Perhaps understanding can lead to a hopeful shift. Join Dr. Steve and Lisa Call in a helpful conversation focusing on how understanding has the potential...

Send a text When one and/or both spouses are triggered by an experience that is familiar, it blocks our capacity to offer kindness and understanding. Sometimes we attempt to hide  hurt, pain, and disappointment as we adhere to the mantra of "there is a time and place for this."   Yet, if we wait or delay our attempt to repair, there can be exponential growth of the trigger impact. Join D...

Send a text Our family of origin story certainly impacts our marriage relationship. And at times, our own story of trauma can create conflict and tension in our marriage. In this episode, we are so very grateful that our dear friends Dr. Dan Allender and his wife Becky join us. Dan and Steve have been colleagues at The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology for over 20 years and are avid fly fi...

Send a text We can't avoid feeling or being stuck in our marriage at times. It's a common and familiar dynamic in marriage.  What might be  ways for us to move out of our "stuckness" well?  What do we need  relationally? Listen in as Dr. Steve and Lisa Call engage in a candid conversation about the familiarity of feeling stuck and helpful ways we can move out of being stuck.

Send a text One of the most helpful "interventions" in the midst of our conflict, tension, disagreement is by utilizing this question. Often, we can become stuck in relational patterns that are a response to common areas of conflict. And this phrase is a game changer in the midst of those moments. Listen in as Dr. Steve and Lisa Call have a conversation about how a difficult moment was b...

Send a text When we are feeling hurt, disappointed or frustrated, we long for empathy from our spouse.  Yet empathy can be difficult to offer our spouse, especially if empathy wasn't offered in our own story. Listen in as Dr. Steve and Lisa Call have a conversation about the healing balm empathy can provide our spouse. 

Send a text Often we can become preoccupied with the imperfections of our spouse which can lead to a sense of disconnection in our marriage. Yet, what if we reimagined our marriage to love the imperfection of our spouse? Perhaps that might shift the focus over time to something of honor and blessing one another rather that harbor frustration. Listen in as Dr. Steve and Lisa Call invite listeners t...

Send a text When our spouse has the courage to reveal vulnerability, sometimes we react in a defensive way. Vulnerability though is an invitation to our spouse to stay present in the midst of their hurt and pain. Listen in as Dr. Steve and Lisa Call share a recent relational experience that offers  vulnerability, reactivity, and how lingering can offer healing relational experience.

Send a text One of the most helpful shifts in our marriage is by paying attention to two words: always and never. Often these two words are used when we feel hurt, bothered and/or disappointed and unfortunately can perpetuate disconnection.  Join Dr. Steve and Lisa Call in a conversation about how to shift away from these two words into another phrase that draws us toward one another.

Send a text Feeling disappointment is a common relational experience in marriage. Sometimes when we feel disappointment, we withdraw/disengage. Yet, how do we navigate disappointment in a way that honors one another well?   Listen in as Dr. Steve and Lisa Call have a conversation in how we can engage disappointment that allows couples to reconnect when one feels disappointed. 

Send a text Tension and difference is to be expected when we have children. And of course it is...yet, how do we stay connected in the midst of the needs of our child/children. Listen in as Dr. Steve and Lisa Call offer insight into the dynamics of how children  influence and impact our marriage and ways we can stay connected.

Send a text Sometimes we tend to avoid conversations in our marriage that are difficult. So, how might we engage in conversations that honor one another well?  Listen in as Dr. Steve and Lisa Call have a conversation about how we might navigate difficult conversations with curiosity. 

Send a text A common and familiar struggle for couples can be sexual intimacy.  And of course it is...different needs, different desires which can sometimes create distance and sexual disconnection. Listen in as Dr. Steve and Lisa Call have a conversation about how we might grow in our sexual intimacy and develop a deeper awareness of what cultivates sexual intimacy in marriage.

Send a text The pursue/withdraw dance is a common relational pattern in marriage! We tend to withdraw when we feel hurt, disappointed or frustrated and yet the withdraw can perpetuate disconnection. Join Steve and Lisa as they engage in a conversation in how to navigate the pursue/withdraw dance that can facilitate moments of reconnection in your marriage. 

Send a text What cultivates connection in our marriage? It's a question that couples often ask. Listen in as Steve and Lisa talk about the three A's that help cultivate connection in marriage and helpful ways to  integrate them into your marriage relationship.

Send a text What cultivates safety when we have difference? Difference between spouses is of course expected. Different thoughts, ideas, feelings and needs just to name a few.  We can become quite stuck at times when we have difference. So, what helps? How do we navigate difference? Listen in as Steve and Lisa highlight ways in which we cultivate safety while engaging difference.

Send a text Often in our marriage,  judgement can be the undercurrent of tension and even conflict. And often the judgement we hold toward our spouse can be a reflection of the judgement we experienced in our own story, in our own family. Join Steve and Lisa as they share some vulnerable moments of how judgement can be the undercurrent of their dynamic and ways in which we can respond when judgeme...

Send a text One of the core categories of intimacy is emotional intimacy. Often, Steve is asked in his clinical practice, "emotional intimacy...what's that?" Join Steve and Lisa as they have a conversation about what is emotional intimacy and how to cultivate it in marriage.

Send a text A common way we cope with shame is to blame our spouse/partner and we  use phrases such as "what's wrong with you?" to avoid feeling our own shame. Listen in as Steve and Lisa have a candid conversation about how the blame strategy is a common dynamic in marriage and what hopeful and healing responses are needed when we are feeling consumed by shame. 

Send a text Shame is sneaky. For most couples, shame is the undercurrent of the distress  in their relationship.  Shame disorients us and it is a common response to hurt and disappointment. Join Steve and Lisa in an engaging conversation about how shame reveals itself in relational dynamics and how we can offer helpful and hopeful responses to one another that cultivate emotional safety and connec...

Send a text We are designed and created to play. Play in our marriage offers us an opportunity to know our spouse and to be known. Often though, there is resistance to play, especially in moments and experiences of hurt and disconnection. Listen in as Steve and Lisa talk through the benefits of play and how we might be intentional in cultivating play in our marriage!

Send a text Sometimes in our marriage, we lose access to our spouse. Whether momentarily or over an extended period of time, loss of access can cause significant distress in our bodies. In this episode, Steve and Lisa have a conversation about common ways in which we cope with the loss of access and ways in which we can reconnect in those moments.

Send a text We jump into attachment this episode. When we said "I do," we became our spouse's new attachment figure. Such a privilege yet so complex because of our own attachment story. Marriage is a constant intersection of  our attachment experience with our primary attachment figure and our attachment experience with our spouse.  Listen in to discover how availability and consist...

Send a text Expressing our need is a risky proposition. What if my spouse/partner doesn’t respond? What if my need to connect is dismissed or ignored? If we experience a repeated pattern of our needs being ignored or dismissed, then we learn to withhold and refrain from expressing them-asking just becomes too painful. Yet a repressed need for connection, leads to disconnection. Join us for a conve...