The Real Weird Sisters: The Archive

Ooh, Crackpot's feeling cranky! This chapter is a bigger downer than double potions with the Slytherins (and if that means we're supposed to get to get matey with them, fat chance). Harry just can't handle Ron and Hermione bickering anymore, he's mortified when he puts his foot in his mouth with Cho, and he's livid when Snape vanishes his potion (even though it was no worse than Ron's or Neville's...

Alice and Martha are back to discuss the first night back at Hogwarts! The Sorting Hat branches out a bit, Umbridge has no idea how things are done at Hogwarts, and Harry has a go at Seamus's mam. Make sure you listen to this episode on a full stomach, or you may end up groaning in hunger like Martha!  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com/realweirdsisters . Spoiler warning! P...

Alice and Martha admire JK Rowling's ability to write chaotic scenes, as evidenced several times throughout Harry's hectic journey back to Hogwarts. The first appearance of Luna Lovegood, the mention of Stubby Boardman and Doris Purkiss, and the return of Wilhelmina, AKA "Queen" Grubbly-Plank make this week's Real Weirdo the toughest decision in recent memory!  Please consider supporting us on Pat...

This episode is well done. Brilliant. Perfect. Great. Alice and Martha are back with their most horrible hearty voices to break down the shoddy reasons Dumbledore gives for not making Harry a prefect, the misguided actions of Moody, and, of course, the woes of Mrs. Weasley.  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com/realweirdsisters . Spoiler warning! Please be aware that our show...

Once again, Alice and Martha discuss the concerning practices of the Wizarding World's criminal justice system, as Harry faces a full trial in front of the Wizengamot. Alice and Martha also take issue with Dumbledore's aloof demeanor, uncover the Bones family catchphrase, and empathize with Mrs. Figg as she take the witness stand. And of course, the character we've all been dreading has finally ar...

Alice and Martha break down everything about Harry's first visit to the Ministry of Magic, from the confusing reverse-numbering floor plan to the Fountain of Magical Brethren. And we have a new impression for you, from a most unexpected source. Hint: it is both cool and female! Any questions? Simply dial 62442.  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com/realweirdsisters . Spoiler...

Recording in person together, Alice and Martha analyze the Black family tree and the R.A.B. foreshadowing in this chapter. And most importantly, with the introduction of a new character, Martha has a new impression to try out...  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com/realweirdsisters . Spoiler warning! Please be aware that our show contains spoilers for events which take place...

It's time for the (almost) once every book occurrence of the chapter title being the same as the book title! Alice and Martha debate whether Sirius or Harry had a worse summer, analyze gender roles within the Order of the Phoenix, and feel sorry for poor baby Ginny.  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com/realweirdsisters . Spoiler warning! Please be aware that our show contain...

The time has finally come! Alice has finally watched A Very Potter Musical and is here to share all of her thoughts with Martha. Thank you so much to all of our patrons for making this show possible, we couldn't have done it without you!  Please subscribe to our show! Book club episodes are released every Monday.

In this crossover episode, The Real Weird Sisters (Alice and Martha) are joined by special guest Jacob Sager Weinstein (@jacobsw) and the Sorting Cat (in the Hat) to sort the characters of the world of Dr. Seuss into Hogwarts houses.  Be aware that the show contains spoilers from many of Dr. Seuss's works as well as the Harry Potter series. Parents, please be advised that there is a brief discussi...

If you thought you heard our dulcet tones, you were right! Alice and Martha are back to discuss Harry's first night at the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix (the wat?), as Harry loses his temper, Hedwig hoots glumly, and Ron urges Hermione to let Harry breathe! Admist all this chaos, Ginny begins to take after her brother, Bill, and show her innate coolness. Also, Martha has a personal reve...

Alice and Martha analyze Harry's first interaction with the real Mad-Eye Moody, empathize with Tonks's inclination to show off for a celebrity, and poke fun at Lupin's ability (or lack thereof) to flirt. Make sure to finish this episode before the Dursleys return home from the non-existent All-England Best-Kept Lawn Competition!  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com/realweird...

Do squibs have a special gift for communicating with cats? Did Mrs. Polkiss slip something into Dudley's tea? And why is Harry obsessed with going on the run and becoming a fugitive? Alice and Martha (and Bungy) are back to answer your most pressing questions about this chapter!  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com/realweirdsisters . Spoiler warning! Please be aware that our...

Alice and Martha are beyond excited to start Order of the Phoenix, and the first chapter of the book does not disappoint! Take a seat in the nearest hydrangea patch to eavesdrop as we discuss water skiing budgerigars (water skiing what?!), wilting salads, and Big D's newly acquired affinity for "the noble sport."  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com/realweirdsisters . Visit...

In this crossover episode, The Real Weird Sisters (Alice and Martha) are joined by special guest Antonio Mazzaro (@acmazzaro) and the Sorting Mustache to sort the characters of Parks and Recreation into Hogwarts houses.  Be aware that the show contains spoilers from both the Parks and Recreation and Harry Potter series. Please subscribe to our show! Book club episodes are released every Monday.

The Real Weird Sisters review the movie of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire with special guests Tim Ahlin (@shutuptim) and Chelsea Patton (@chelseakpatton).  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com /realweirdsisters  Spoiler warning! Please be aware that our show contains spoilers for events which take place later in the series. Book club episodes are released every Monday an...

The Beginning (and the end) of Goblet of Fire has finally arrived! Alice and Martha wrap up the book by breaking down Harry's recovery from the trauma in the graveyard, analyzing Dumbledore's Leaving Feast speech, and discussing the parallels between Harry's first trip on the Hogwarts Express and his trip home in this book. Don't forget to stick around for the presentation of the Chosen Moment!  P...

In the penultimate chapter of Goblet of Fire, Alice and Martha marvel at J.K. Rowling's writing abilities, break down Sirius -- er, Snuffles -- and Harry's relationship, and find themselves surprisingly impressed with and proud of a certain Potions professor.  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com/realweirdsisters .  Spoiler warning! Please be aware that our show contains spoi...

Find out if Martha appropriately hyped or over-hyped this long awaited, possibly climactic chapter of the book! If you don't enjoy this episode, Dumbledore's eyes will quit twinkling, and you might realize why he was the only wizard You-Know-Who ever feared.  Let us know what you think of the show! Fill out our 2018 feedback survey at www.realweirdsisters.com/survey .  Please consider supporting u...

Alice and Martha are once again thrilled to spend an hour and half breaking down a ten page chapter! In this episode, we discuss a wild alternate reality which, of course, involves the shrunken heads, delve into the backstory on why one Scholastic consistency editor may have been fired, and consider reasons for why the graveyard Portkey seems to function differently than other Portkeys in the seri...

Hello, listener, our slippery friend... Alice and Martha are back to discuss Voldemort's sentimental side, pick apart the specifics of his return to corporeal form, and question J.K. Rowling's math skills, yet again. (We still think you're a genius, Jo!)  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com/realweirdsisters .  Spoiler warning! Please be aware that our show contains spoilers...

In what is possibly the most pivotal chapter of the entire Harry Potter series, Alice and Martha fully eulogize Cedric and reflect on the life that was taken from us too soon. Wormtail follows a recipe moste evile to resurrect his master, and sadly, "it" doesn't drown. Lord Voldemort has returned, and Harry's life will never be the same again. Don't worry though; despite the heavy topic, there's s...

Bill is back, acting cooler than ever, Snuffles sends his best wishes, and no one but Hermione seems to be able to remember that Muggle technology goes haywire at Hogwarts. Luckily, there are spells to point Harry in the right direction, literally! Alice and Martha also admire Cedric's true Hufflepuff characteristics and consider the ways in which Harry could have benefitted from a longer friendsh...

With twinkling eyes, Alice and Martha delve into the inner workings of the Pensieve, the complexities of the Crouch father-son dynamic, and the possibilities of yet another Dumbledore conspiracy theory.  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com/realweirdsisters .  Spoiler warning! Please be aware that our show contains spoilers for events which take place later in the series. Boo...

As 2017 comes to a close, we want to offer you a chance to celebrate the holiday season Potter-style. Join us as we rank Harry's seven Christmases with returning guest Haley Strong (@hstrong_), write New Year's resolutions for some of your favorite (and least favorite) Wizarding World characters, and sort the characters of A Charlie Brown Christmas with a brand new guest host who may emerge as the...