The Real Weird Sisters: The Archive

Awkward teenage romance features heavily in this chapter, which clearly served as the main inspiration for the makers of the sixth movie. Ron's insecurities both on and off the Quidditch pitch lead to some very unfair and frustrating interactions with Hermione (though it was pretty awful that she probably/might have/could plausibly have snogged Krum two years ago). And as Harry grapples with his p...

In Dumbledore’s office, we dive deep into the Pensieve, a storytelling device that gets more and more convenient each week. Thankfully, Phineas is no longer there to give his commentary! We hear from old Caractacus Burke, see Jude Law drink gin, and even catch a glimpse of one (possibly two) components of the homicidal triad. But shhh, nobody knows about any of this except Harry, Ron, Hermione, an...

In this crossover episode, The Real Weird Sisters (Alice and Martha) are joined by special guest Amanda Frickle and Uncle Sam's Sorting Hat to sort prominent U.S. presidents into Hogwarts houses. Be aware that the show contains spoilers from the Harry Potter series as well as a few political discussions. Please subscribe to our show! Book club episodes are released every Monday.

It’s time for another Hogsmeade trip, but unfortunately for all of us, it’s just not as exciting as it used to be. Zonko’s is all boarded up, the weather is freezing, and Tonks/Eeyore is lurking on every corner. But, ooh, at least they have extra-large sugar quills! While “nothing” is in the back getting more firewhisky (and placing Imperius curses on unlucky Hogwarts students), someone ends up ge...

Harry has his first foray into Quidditch captaincy, and frankly, he's never been more fanciable. During the keeper tryouts, Hermione is a bit dishonest - she is a prefect after all! And after threatening to break down his front door, the trio finally mends fences with Hagrid. Please consider supporting us on Patreon! www.patreon.com/realweirdsisters . Spoiler warning! Please be aware that our show...

The time is ripe for this chapter discussion, or at least, riper than it was for Humphrey Belcher’s cheese cauldron. Harry finds himself in Bob Ogden’s memory (though thankfully not in his outfit), Dumbledore is as enigmatic as ever about his hand injury, and Alice and Martha rediscover their true identities: the Half-Blood Pince and the Half-Blood Pomfrey. But don’t worry, this has everything to...

Harry, Ron, and Hermione enjoy their first few days back in classes such as Runes and Defense, though they continue to feel guilty about dropping Care. Snape tries his hand at interior decorating, and Slughorn discovers that Harry has indeed inherited his mother's talent for Potions. Alice and Martha are thrilled to discuss the titular chapter of the book, whose name proves to be even more apt on...

Does the Hogwarts Express have a conductor? Is Episkey or Tergeo more useful? Is Tonks's new Patronus a wolf, a werewolf, or an Alfonso werewolf? And what is the difference between chocolate gateau and chocolate cake? Alice and Martha are back to answer the most important questions of the book thus far. Plus, Nearly Headless Nick digs for hot gossip and Ron proves himself to be an extremely, extre...

The gang makes their way back to Hogwarts, though Harry may have to make a trip back to London first (no spoilers!). Romilda Vane makes her first appearance, Ron continues to practice out rude hand gestures, and The Slug Club assembles for the first time, at the invitation of Professor H.E.F Slughorn.  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com/realweirdsisters . Spoiler warning! P...

Alice and Martha find just about everything hilarious in this episode, from Arkie Philpott and the Probity Probe to the reappearance of Tom the Bartender. The trio, accompanied by baby Ginny and her parents, is met by security expert Hagrid, who (surprisingly!) fails to protect them from Draco's sick burns. Fred and George rub their success and riches in Ron's face. And finally, Hermione demonstra...

Harry arrives at the Burrow in the middle of the night, welcomed by Tonks, Mollywobbles, some very hot soup, and plenty of awkward tension. The next day is spent catching up with the Weasleys and Hermione--after all, there isn't much to do at the Burrow, unless you like cooking and chickens! And finally, the trio receives their OWL owls, and Harry learns there's just definitely no way he will be a...

As 2018 comes to a close, we are back to celebrate the holiday season Potter-style. Join us as we sort the characters of Home Alone with the Real Weird Husband / Brother-in-Law (@paulasleson), celebrate New Year's Eve with a very silly assortment of couples and returning guest Shandy, and complete a goofy roll playing scenario with acquaintance of the show Tim Ahlin (@ShutUpTim). Thank you so much...

Harry and Dumbledore share a semi-awkward trip to the charming village of Budleigh Babberton, and a critical movie scene is tragically cut from the book. Horace Slughorn (who, contrary to popular belief, is actually NOT a giant Jabba-the-Hutt-like creature) makes his debut.  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com/realweirdsisters . Spoiler warning! Please be aware that our show...

In this crossover episode, The Real Weird Sisters (Alice and Martha) are joined by special guests Erin Mallory Long (@erinmallorylong), Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham), and the Sorting Turkey to sort the characters of Friends into Hogwarts houses. Be aware that the show contains spoilers from both Friends and the Harry Potter series. Please subscribe to our show! Book club episodes are released every Mo...

Dumbledore shows up at Privet Drive to troll the Dursleys and serve alcohol to minors. Harry, who enjoys the oak matured mead immensely, learns that he has inherited Grimmauld Place and, with it, Kreacher (luckily, Harry doesn't have to keep him with him all the time, though). And before Dumbledore and Harry leave pursue that flighty temptress, adventure, Dumbledore gives the Dursleys their final...

"Cissy" and "Bella" turn up at Severus "Spinmaster" Snape's super modern, well-kept home for light-hearted visit! This chapter is packed with layered foreshadowing and sick burns on Wormtail - what more could we ask for?  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com/realweirdsisters . Spoiler warning! Please be aware that our show contains spoilers for events which take place later i...

The muggle prime minister finds himself at a loss for words as he learns why Herbert Chorley has been quacking, how the Brockdale Bridge really collapsed (it wasn't rusted rigging or corroded expansion joints after all), and why Fudge has finally been sacked as Minister of Magic. A grim mood has gripped the country, and Alice and Martha can barely conceal their own broad grins as they begin their...

The Real Weird Sisters review the movie of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix with special guests Tim Ahlin (@shutuptim) and Mike Bloom (@AMikeBloomType).  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com /realweirdsisters  Spoiler warning! Please be aware that our show contains spoilers for events which take place later in the series. Book club episodes are released every Monday ...

SPOILER WARNING! DO NOT LISTEN UNTIL YOU HAVE WATCHED FANTASTIC BEASTS: THE CRIMES OF GRINDELWALD!  Alice and Martha share their first impressions of the second installment in the Fantastic Beasts franchise.  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com/realweirdsisters . Book club episodes are released every Monday and special topics shows are released periodically. Subscribe to our...

Come join Alice and Martha for a cup o' dandelion juice as they wrap up their discussion of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Everyone but Harry is back in excellent spirits, thanks to Madam Pomfrey and the fact that none of them apparently cared too much about Sirius (shhhhhh, let's not talk about him right now). Harry struggles with his grief as well as the weight of the prophecy, and h...

In this emotional chapter, Harry expresses his grief and anger while Dumbledore remains infuriatingly calm. And at long last, Dumbledore tells Harry everything. (Well, maybe not everything, but everything that he needs Harry to know at the moment.)  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com/realweirdsisters . Spoiler warning! Please be aware that our show contains spoilers for eve...

Voldemort has plenty of chances to exercise his high, cold laugh in this chapter, even though his Death Eaters really do prove to be a bunch of bumbling idiots. Martha and Alice get to the bottom of several slightly vague Ministry of Magic plotlines. And, as the chapter title suggests, Double Door and Voldemort finally go head-to-head in one of the most epic duels of the series.  Please consider s...

This chapter, we're in for the biggest shock of the series so far - apparently, there's a Death Eater named Jugson. That's right. Jugson. Let that sink in a minute.  In other news, Bellatrix makes her first appearance of the series, and, oh yeah, [SPOILER ALERT] Sirius steps just a little too far past the edge of the veil.  Please consider supporting us on Patreon!  www.patreon.com/realweirdsister...

Ministry of Magic security protocols turn out to be alarmingly cavalier as Dumbledore's Army begins its rescue mission. Not a soul is in sight as the group encounters the tank of brains, the Benjamin Button (well, not really Benjamin Button) Bell Jar, and the infamous veil for the first time. It's not all fun and games, though, as the Department of Mysteries claims its first victim-- that's right,...

Finally, Umbridge gets her comeuppance as Hermy executes her "smart plan... really smart plan" and tries to use the centaurs to do her bidding. After a scuffle with Ronan, Bane, Magorian, and a "hard-faced gray centaur," Harry's impatience reaches new levels. After much debate, Luna saves the day and comes up with a plan to fly to the Ministry - and they won't even have to ride on the back of the...