The Podcast With No Name KE

Tudum! Everyone is talking about the Tinder Swindler as if they themselves have not been swindling Sons of Adam from their rightful inheritance of the Garden of Eden? If it wasn’t for that other gender that kills horses, poor innocent horses, just so they can take their hair and use it as theirs, we would still be in the Garden of Eden walking naked with snakes. Sure, I know what you want to say,...

Nairobi is one big bedsitter and we are all just sharing the toilet. I don't know about you but moving out in Nairobi is like..well, moving out in Nairobi. When the caretaker is not giving you ideas of how to skip town, the caretaker's wife wants to tie you down with a kamjunior.  It is impossible to succeed in this town when your neighbour keeps borrowing frivolous items like slat, sugar, cond......

New year, you wake up and decide to follow the Lord. And if need be, follow some of His people. Because you say, the Lord will show himself to you through the flock. So, you go to church. Obviously, the church is where He spends most of His time, you are likely to bump into Him. But before you bump into Him, you see a member of the flock. Sunken dimples and milk-white teeth. Long hair and an even...

Has anyone here watched ‘You’? I don’t mean ati watch ‘You’ you—we aren’t into voyeurism shit, unless that’s your thing—we mean like watch You You? Si you know You, the series? Ama hamna Netflix? You poor sod. Like a sleazy paparazzo, we peek through our greatest fears. We are back, not with a bang, because that would imply, we are having coitus, which is not the case because who has time to nini...

When Eddy finally wore a nice shirt, nice pants and even nicer shoes, we just knew it was time to end it, at least for the year, because there's wisdom in exiting the stage when the applause is at its loudest. What started as a joke at Java, us hurdling together, noses almost touching as we recorded our first two episodes of the podcast ended with us sitting on high stools in front of an audience,...

Knowledge is power. Information is gold. Giving away either of them too soon is just plain stupid. Think about it. Life is about hiding information. Am I lying? Then why haven’t you told your girlfriend about Susan from Accounts? And that new intern whom you promised to ‘show around the office’? I’m talking to you Nebuchadnezzar! Do you want me to gas you up? You and your mapenzi tight kuliko kifu...

Unrequited love is worse than the worst hate. Otile Brown, Kenya’s heartthrob can relate. Isn’t he who sung “saa zingine unayempenda anapenda mwengine” then proceeds to cry for a whole 3 minutes and 43 seconds? Isn’t that what Dr Jose Chameleone was singing about in Dorotia? Even the Good Lord above understands, or why is it that Lucifer, who reappears every now and then in short, foreheaded Nairo...

Have you got your ticket for the Serious Laughs Edition of our live recording? 27th November, 3PM to 7PM. Coffee Spot, Nairobi CBD. Lipa Na Mpesa Number 5620115 (Peter Muigai).

This is a true story: There is this Mono who had just joined. He was sleeping ‘nyoni’ which is French for the upper deck. The form 4 below him (this sounds so wrong) one day asked, so, uliitwa hii shule ama ulitafutiwa? The Mono replied, “Niliitwa” the Form 4 was like, okay then, Itika vile uliitika ile siku uliitwa. Machos. We don’t know how your high school was, but ours was flabbergasting. When...

In my father's house, there are mansions. If this was not true, I would have told you, the Messiah says. The Messenger replies, I have fought the good fight, I have kept the faith, I have finished the race.    Brethren, there is nothing as terrible as unrequited love, not even realising that we will never see a kamisi in our lifetime, not even that, and that seems to be a missed opportun...

To be Kenyan is to be rowdy. We shout at everything and everyone. We beat the remote when it doesn't work, and we get beaten up when we don't work. To be Kenyan is to meet at Archives, for everyone else, and Afya Centre if you are Kisii. To be Kenyan is to meet your girlfriend with her boyfriend while you are with your girlfriend. To be Kenyan is to throw stones first, and then ask, the next day,...

Dating in Kenya is playing Russian Roulette with your heart. Have you ever met your girlfriend while she is with her boyfriend?  Have you ever slept single and woken up in a relationship? The Lord says, for I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to land you in an unwanted relationship. Fanned by the flames of the indelible Dr. Amakove Wala, these are stories of awkward...

He probably doesn’t know it, but when Francis Imbuga jotted the weighty tome ‘Betrayal In The City’, he was acting as a clairvoyant and scripting the lives of three young men and one atrociously hot woman and another one in shorts. And just like Jesus, these blameless bystanders were betrayed by the ones they loved, or wanted to love, or thought they loved. These are not just stories of outwitting...

Secrets are like hiding a steam pile of hot chapati. No matter how many compartments the kabati has, a hungry, Luhya man will always get to it. And in this #ComingOut Edition, a lot of unnecessary secrets were released, in the process hurting our ears and making me question why the Good Lord has not yet sent His only begotten son. While Brian Mbanacho and Michael Muyoma decided to let the world kn...

Deceit makes our world go round. Without lies, marriages would crumble, workers would be fired, egos would be shattered, governments would collapse. As a nation, we have a lying problem. They aren't big lies. They aren't lies like "I cannot recall that illness Daktari." They are just little lies. White lies. Half-truths. The kind we all tell. And we tell dozens of them every day. "Yes, let's defin...

There are things we are not proud of. Like going for a sleepover and having to monitor what time everyone wakes up. You can't wake up too early because your host will think you want to steal from them; and you can't wake up too late because you are not their prince, even if you come from Nigeria. Being a man is an ego complex, it gets worse by the day. This is the story of how we came to the End o...

In this episode, we don't take ourselves too seriously. We don't take our lives too seriously. And it works, but only because both are actually very serious propositions. There are people who come into your life and you are shook for life: how did we get here? Whether it is the people with weird quirks or the ladies who only sleep while facing Mt. Kenya, these are the people who are soon going to...

You think Fulizaing for a date is a bad decision until you meet someone who invested in wash wash and then was recruited into GNLD and Public Likes. Like, some of us lingered too much in some situationships, and some fell for the wrong kind of guy who has hair on his chest and wears teeshirts written 'Warazi Wamebuya' or 'My Money Grows Like Grass.' Others, bought things they do not need to impres...

We have always been gentlemen, that's why even when Myahudi Ortis joined us in studio, we talked about how we have never abused people, or animals, or drugs. We've always said no to drugs, but then again, isn't the bigger problem here the fact that we are talking to drugs? Besides, the only reason we stopped doing weed is that we realised even after rolling it with pages za Bible, marijuana is sti...

In this Nairobi, to be safe, you treat everyone as a suspect. From the Mama Mboga to Mamacita to Baby Mommas, no one is to be trusted. Frog-marched by Suzanne Artty, Michael Muyoma, and Joan Rispa, we recollect tales of how we ran helter-skelter and got baptised by Nairobi's miscreants with no hawk-eyed sleuths to our rescue. The Bible says that Jesus will come like a thief, but we all know He alr...

There is a reason Jesus stayed single His whole life. It is simply because as The Messiah, He could always tell when the ladies want more than the Gospel. But since our Lord and Saviour ascended to the sky, we have redefined the concept of the missionary. It is a sad state of affairs, oh, how we find ourselves in relationships we have not planned for. Eloi Eloi Lama Sabachthani, My Lord My Lord, w...

If a Kikuyu guy with dreads, a Luo man with tattoos and piercings and a Kalenjin man with bows and arrows are in the back of car, who's driving? The Police. Haha! Well, that's the stereotype that goes down on the streets. It's an earful: Heck, is there a quiet Kisii man? Is it true that SDA girls are always drinking lemon water? Are all Luhyas, you know, big? Like Ashi...nvm. In this episode, Bria...

Do you know why job vacancies are placed near the obituaries section? Because looking for work in Kenya equals a death sentence. In this episode, three writers, Brian Mbanacho, Eddy Ashioya and Ndugu Abisai wax lyrical about their heydays in employment, throwing shade (rarely) and speaking blessings (mostly) to their employers. Flanked by Waithera Mungai and Kenneth Muimmi, in this episode, you un...

In this episode, Brian Mbanacho, Ndugu Abisai and Eddy Ashioya talk about their hilarious dusk-to-dawn sleepover experiences, and why the best sleepover is the one that is actually, over. Look, it's only a sleepover if it happens in Kileleshwa, Kilimani or Kakamega. If it happens in Rongai, Ruaka or anywhere along Thika Rd., that is sleeping around.

If you love somebody, set them free. If they come back, set them free again, because probably no one really wanted them. In this episode, Kenya's reclusive and finest writers—Eddy Ashioya, Brian Mbanacho & Ndugu Abisai & famous left-wing feminist La Patrona—dig dirt from their past about how they learned infidelity in relationships can have irreversible damage—deciding, ultimately it is be...