The Parenting Presence

Today we dive into the topic of Emotional Contagion. We discuss: what it is why it happens when it's more likely to occur who is more susceptible to it It is challenging to process negative emotions, but when it so happens that those emotions are not even ours, we may find ourselves overburdened, unable to function, and even in panic. These are the detrimental effects of emotional contagion, but t...

We want our children to feel good about themselves? Are pats on the back enough? Will praise do the work? What to do when they are down on themselves?   The tricky thing about self-esteem is that the process of developing self-esteem is mostly internal — it is based on beliefs and perceptions the child has of themselves.  And a lot of that happens to go on inside their minds.   Still there is a lo...

Living free of parenting guilt does not make you irresponsible. Quite the opposite — it makes you responsible for the right things.   You already carry a lot as a parent, so why torment yourself on top of it with guilt? The consequences of parenting that is driven by guilt are pretty serious. To name a few:    ❌ We are not our best selves when we carry the burden of guilt.  ❌ We don't give child...

Parent guilt is a huge issue and parenting from that place is a huge problem. Bigger than we think. It compromises our mental health. It also gets in the way of us enjoying parenting. But did you know that carrying the burden of guilt is optional?   What if things were different...   They can be! Even though the feeling of guilt is inevitable when we first become parents, it does not need to be pe...

Being acknowledged and validated is such a reaffirming and deeply positive experience. It is empowering and supportive. It is critical for our mental health. If you have felt this before, you know how important it is for our mental health — feeling good, accepted, and recognized.    And, it is just as significant for our children.   Not only do they get to feel this way too, but it actually goes d...

Parents generally are more likely to talk about physical boundaries with children, than they are about psychological ones. And this is understandable, because we want to teach children to be safe and know how to stay away from unwanted touch.    But it is just as important to be able to detect any kind of unwanted interactions.    Children need to be able to respond to inappropriate behavior towar...

When we notice our child not having confidence to do something, we begin to worry that their self-esteem is low and that we need to do something about raising it.    Is there a way to raise the child's self-esteem? There sure is, but it is not about giving the child a compliment or showering them with praise.    Building self-esteem is a slow process that the child goes through independently.    O...

Do you protect your own boundaries? If yes, then you know the value of teaching the same skills and awareness to your children. For these essential lessons, it is never too late to start, but the earlier we start — the better.    Where would you even begin?  How to teach boundaries to children?  Isn't it such an abstract concept?   It can be tricky to wrap your head around psychological boundaries...

Did you know that boundaries and having the sense of boundaries is a big deal? It is the one thing that defines a healthy personality and plays a major role in the person's Sense of Self.    Because it takes time to raise a child, we need more time to teach boundaries. And because it takes time for children to develop their sense of self, we need to give them plenty of opportunities to experience...

If you know that emotions are important, what do you do with them? If you know that emotional regulation is a skill, what does it accomplish? And if you know there is a way to process what you are feeling, how exactly do you do that?    This is not a test.  But it is important to know the answers to these questions, because it makes your parenting more enjoyable and has an impact on the rest of yo...

Guilt is a paralyzing and unproductive emotion. Carrying guilt throughout our parenting is something we are used to doing but it takes away from the positive experiences with our children. Tune into this episode to discover what drives parent guilt and how to resolve it.    Here are some take-aways from the episode: Accept that parenting is a process. The way we parent in the 21st century is new t...

You may already know from Episode 10 that to nurture the child's emotions means to care for their emotional world. We care by accepting, supporting, and helping the child grow. Nurturing our own emotions is similar in this way, but has a set of its own challenges:   One challenge to this process is lack of acceptance of our own emotions. Often, it is easier to accept that a child — because of thei...

Someone spread this idea that since children are born colorblind, and are not likely to show prejudice, and that adults also can become colorblind in their social interactions. Hmmm... Not only are children very color-aware, but they also do display racial prejudice as young as at two years of age. Everything depends on how they were brought up. Since color-blindness is not really a thing when it...

It's bewildering to witness crimes against Black lives and racial injustice in 2020. The events of the last several days are life-changing and have EVERYTHING to do with parenting. There is a lot we can and need to do. Whether you feel this way or not just yet, I want to  underscore that change IS coming. We have to make space for it.    To give you a sense of my context:   I have a formal trainin...

Our children express a range of emotions. Sometimes we are not sure how to deal with them. Have you ever caught yourself getting angry when your child is angry, or get anxious when your child is anxious? Sometimes we may wonder who is on a roller-coaster, us or the child... Sounds familiar?  When we get closer to our child's emotions and learn to be with them, we give priceless lessons to our chil...

Why Is Parenting So Hard? No really… Why?   We may give different explanations… Some of them are part of stories we recycle among ourselves — like the one that says "it's because kids are kids" (whatever that means) and that "dealing with kids is hard" (ok, but why?)….   These reasons may sound appealing and completely justified, but they are secondary to the true reasons, which lie much deeper. ...

What do children need most from their parents? We often hear that love is all that children need.   The words "love" and "need" are used every day, and because of that, they have come to mean many things. And yet the way we understand them is very influential in how we raise our children. So it is true that love is all our children need?  Yes, it is. Love is all they need. And no, it isn't. Love i...

How does losing at a game or getting a poor grade impact the child's self-esteem? If they are really upset about it, what implications will that have on their future sense of self-esteem?  Although these are valid and potentially unpleasant life scenarios, the answer to a healthy self-esteem is not in figuring out how to respond to each of these situations. It is what happens on a daily basis outs...

What are BOUNDARIES and what do they have to do with parenting?   In this episode we explore the last of the three Essential Elements to a solid parenting foundation - the BOUNDARIES. Why are boundaries such an essential element to parenting? It is critical for our child's personality development and is a promise for our own well-being.   We explore the concept of BOUNDARIES from the perspective o...

In this episode, we will look at values from the standpoint of an internal system of beliefs and attitudes that guide our behavior in parenting. Whether we are aware of it or not, we parent from a place of beliefs and expectations, and every choice we make as parents is guided by our values. We explore how VALUES apply to parenting in two ways. One, as our own guide and how it impacts our actions,...

The NURTURE element is one of the 3 Essential Elements of parenting, and it has many facets. The simplest way to understand it, is to consider it from the point of needs — the needs of the child on the one hand, and the needs of the parent on the other.

Part of developing a strong parenting presence and having more control over how we show up is to have a sense of inner knowing, a sense of confidence in being able to find the answers we need. This is how we can think of our parenting wisdom.    But how do we acquire that wisdom? Do we read a ton of books? Do we Google and look things up online? And what do we do when we need answers in the moment...

Along with the concept of the parenting presence, we are be discussing a parenting framework that I call MINIMUM VIABLE PARENTING. Whereas The Parenting Presence is the "space" in which parenting takes place, Minimum Viable Parenting is what gives us the core essentials and a set of guiding principles that support our parenting work.   We can think of these two concepts in terms of a recipe metaph...

There is a space in our parenting world that has the most influence on what happens between us and our children.  In fact, it is the most important variable that influences the parent/child dynamic, but it is often overlooked because it is somewhat intangible .   This space is called the " parenting presence " and it remains invisible to us until we learn to be aware of it. And when we do, we are...