The Not Tonight Podcast

Author, podcaster and blogger Sheila Wray Gregoire joins us for a special bonus episode of the Not Tonight Podcast! Sheila shares her personal story of growing up with a healthy view of sex until she read a damaging religious marriage book just before getting married, and how that led to a life dedicated to serving women. She explains her struggles with sexual pain, and untangling conflicting mess...

What could sexuality and breastfeeding possibly have in common? Parenting and lactation coach Jenna shares her tender journey of coming home to herself through navigating the similarities between our sexual journey as women and early parenting. Growing up in the evangelical church led to a lot of anxiety and hyper-vigilance for Jenna. She held a deep internal struggle of trying to have it all toge...

Wife and mother to two young boys, Cait reflects how her youthful curiosity of romance and butterflies affected her perception of sex. Growing up, she spent a lot of time longing for the magical feelings she saw on TV shows and movies, thus influencing her deep desire for a romantic relationship. As her relationship with her husband grew and changed over time, she watched the butterflies fade and...

Purity culture’s damaging messages strike again as Ericka shares about growing up being taught that it was a wife's obligation to provide sex for her husband and that men are always lusting. This left a lasting negative impact on Ericka's view of sex, and led to extreme feelings of fear and anxiety around relationships. To remedy this “problem”, Ericka turned to alcohol to cope in her relationship...

Growing up in Athens, Greece, with liberal, feminist parents, Vali received dual messages about her sexuality. While she learned that sex was her right to explore and claim for herself, she wasn't taught clearly about what that truly meant. After decidedly losing her virginity at 14, she found zero enjoyment in the experience and chose to avoid sex for several years. Once with her husband, Vali fo...

What do you get when you combine rigid religious messaging, a mother who viewed sex as a duty, and a slough of medical challenges brought on by intercourse? This is where Claire found herself only a few weeks into marriage. While her husband remained kind and supportive, Claire struggled through massive feelings of guilt, obligation, and grief as she wanted so badly to enjoy that which she was tol...

In this special mid-season episode, Rachel and Caitlin share a bit of the behind-the-scenes of the project so far, as well as revisit some concepts that bubbled up from their first episode together. They further discuss how their different ways of thought have been instrumental in this project, and have helped them grow as hosts and as humans - living in full permission to be their own uniquely au...

While Lori hoped sex would be the magical experience she was promised before she was married, she spent ten years in a cycle of disappointment, expectations and dread. Sex was just something on her to-do list, and while her husband desperately wanted her to enjoy the experience too, she couldn't see how things could change. But then, through the mysterious - and sometimes miraculous - Facebook alg...

What happens when doing the work results in the end of a marriage? That's where Robin found herself after years of denying her truest self in her sex life. With twin girls in tow and another baby on the way, Robin walked away from the relationship that she thought was safe and necessary for survival, into a new world where she was able to examine what she really needed to flourish. Through a journ...

Like many others in the late 90s, M.J. grew up deeply entrenched in evangelical teachings of purity culture. While she wanted to follow the rules like a good girl, she couldn’t fight the shameful feelings of curiosity and confusion surrounding the subject. This led M.J. down a guilt-ridden path of desiring physical exploration before marriage, but feeling like she was dooming her future marriage....

Certified Mind Rebel Coach Michelle shares with us her journey of discovering her truest self. She recounts several moments in her life where she felt like she ought to express herself a certain way, only to become more and more alienated with her true wants and desires. These millions of little moments cultivated into a marriage where she felt suffocated and terrified, without a way forward. She...

Wife, mother and homeschooler Yelena shares her story of growing up with a disembodied, duty-filled view of sex influenced by church culture. She internalized the message that sex was a "necessary evil" - it was for men to enjoy, and for women to provide. She also believed her body was a threat, which further alienated her from herself.  Then, when Yelena found herself experiencing painful se...

We start off Season One with an introduction to the Not Tonight Project. Rachel and Caitlin share how they met, how the project was born, and how their unique friendship led to what feels like "the perfect project partnership"! They discuss their unique differences as people and how those differences have led to creating a beautiful space where all sorts of women can feel validation, hop...