The Mr.Nobody Podcast: Season 3

What do I do with my life? It's up to me I take Julio's advice I recall my helping my son when he was little with something uncomfortable  he teaches me  It happens as I play..  It's at an angle I don't know where I'm going but I make 2 choices ...I'm sorry he beat me the last time meaning, in lower-case letters  

I can hear you A Crab's life Are Humans special? I asked my son to take me thru his death, to share it with me everything is changing into something else stop practicing..transform how did I live?  

Revelation  I explore the mystical experience. I meet my son who speaks in my mind which is not tethered to my body. Two strings of beads permeate reality I forgive, I accept and there is no separation. with anything I feel emotions I'd forgotten. I wake from a sad dream.      

Hmm I somehow made a breakthrough inspite of myself It's hard for me to believe.  I will see what creates itself

I needed a break from myself. The year i spent making 52 shows was emotionally taxing. I didn't even realize that until i neared the end and evaluated my message and tone.  I'm heading into a new chapter, I can feel it happening to me.  The songs were very healing and cathartic, I present a few in excerpt form and in part 2 I'll release a similar show detailing compositions  I remixed and edited a...

Shock Advised Vertigo infuses my Finale. What have I learned?  I still Kant forgive. 82K dead this year by self-administered drugs Treating yourself as means How will I ever grow from this waste of humanity, from the loss of my son? There is no answer... yet. Check for Pulse.

There was a murder in my family. Overdose is self murder Being lazy trivializes life gods never have to answer for their acts. Man-eaters, quicksand, a Strip-mall and a child's insightful mind. There's no super-natural cook. It's your life  

My son read a lot, Something I was very proud of. He was a brilliant student, I'm sad his mind died with his body. In this episode I explore the fallacy of exceptionalism, murder, over-esteeming, and the trivialization of violence. I contend that murder, for pleasure, profit or lack of self-control is the worst of crimes. I ask, "is overdose self-murder"?? Does choosing to destroy your being const...

I used to believe life was worth living. I visit a primal land and unexpectedly receive glimpses of past lives  as a 10 year old.  I obsess about a guitar that wasn't for me. I taught my son to play with his fingers, one of the most profound connections we shared. I had to choose. I lost my temper, I sat next to him with a pencil. He would have been great. His hand still looked alive in death. Wha...

The grief continues. I hate the holiday season.  I'm grateful to life but that doesn't dampen my rage and disturbed soul. The fact that he elected to abuse hard death street drugs, haunts me. I still jump whenever the phone rings. Total bullshit.   

What I see and hear Speaking in jibberish not tongues Walrus meets Elk My son converted to the religion of escapism and paid with his life Overdose is a conspiracy, it never just happens Joining this death-cult is a commitment  disconnect from the web Lose the ability to hear Abusers are zealots

Recorded at 4AM after the last day of my brainwashing seminar 3 days of uncomfortable hammering A had 3 wonderful days with my mother and her partner. "you've had it too easy" So much seems up to the individual  My son painted a face of a clown In the woods there is a swamp I resisted the positive message  I am drawn to flowers clinging to life It's nothing personal

I signed up for a brainwashing seminar. I approach it with an open mind (pun) Is it possible to prevail over grief? Can I even envision a life without my son? etc... How would he feel knowing how you are now? A new me. Nothing Matters Why can't I just let him be dead? Protect yourself.

Today is what should be my son's 27th birthday.  His twin, a friend, his co-conspirator was just found dead. Like my son. I felt compelled to dedicate this week's episode to this awful twist of reality. Heartbreaking and disturbing. I visit with and speak to my son. I break the news to his memory. Another Nobody.  A dark and twisted tale. A repetition Flashes of being his father I really like his...

What is the meaning of life? I asked Aristotle. Endgame, Skill, and the intrinsic human desire for good. I asked my teacher "what the meaning of life" his reply: "not to suck" Guitar and Bass are my solace now. My son is no longer a human, that i know of. Drugs are connection negligence Stupid is fatal  

Silly and serious collide as I attempt to describe my creative process. I am interviewed by my alter-ego with surprising results. Taken to task. I play with toys. I wrestle with my bias. I am startled by the alteration of what knowledge and certainty is. What is the purpose of a protest song. Nobody cares.

I share difficult memories and insights into myself I seek his reasons... there are none. I found his heroin once and almost used to it to try and understand Soft talk, bass flutes and my song I didn't mean to let you die Don't leave me here without you  

The opening line of this most important episode says it all. A few US chemical companies make the only chemical needed to make heroine and meth Based on an explosive Bloomberg.com article. Who knew these few publicly traded US chemical companies made the manufacturing of these death drugs possible. We're being played...to death Like it or not, the addicts complete the chain. Addiction is Power! Fu...

I vist a doctor She tells me I'm torturing my son with my anger I confront my hate of needles I begin yoga  I have a profound meeting with my son, or was it? My father's typing awakes me a week after he dies, I encounter something. I toy with the idea of forgiveness  My heart is working too hard

I revisit my past life as a performing musician and theater artist. An awakening that happened a Punk Rock show Control and illusion collide on the carpet of dichotomy  A deep regret surfaces. Learning and surrender. Powerful grief of the family ...I forgot to expect the unexpected  Contrast is the thing he was trying to teach me. One More Hit

Guilty for my grief, rage and dark fantasies. The unsafe world full of danger  I visit my hungry 20s when I stole a piece of cake. How much of my mind can I give to the Evil. I shall never know.   I confuse my son and myself  I touch on a faint vision of a possible future  very faint

In this episode I explore hunting, songwriting, religions, injured animals and the will to live. I witness perhaps a persons last meal. Jazz guitar, church bells and a message from a stranger. I know I'm wrong. A Daffodil is a trumpet shaped flower. Mountains don't care if you mountain climb. 

I'm struggling with dark feelings. I try to let him go, to accept my life as it is.  There is so much less. Inside outside, I face my mortality under these conditions. I don't want to waste my own life feeling this bitterness. not sure yet. It is just me creating this, or is it? Limited time. I commit myself to at least one course of action  

My First interview. A deep, startling and honest conversation with my beautiful and wise daughter.  One of the most terrible moments in my life was having to wake her up and tell her...  We free-form thru the grief. I ask my most pressing questions. He laughs in the background. "It's just an incredible loss" .... her

It's been 3 years tonight, I have been more morose than expected. I still have trouble accepting what happened, what he did to himself. Trust and betrayal. I discuss a blood-contract I had with my son. Broken by his choosing of heroin and death. This episode features a song he plays and sings, I cannot listen. Not Him.