The Messy Middle Podcast

How long should healing take after narcissistic abuse? What if you're still thinking about it years later? If you've ever caught yourself thinking, "I should be over this by now," this episode is for you. One of the biggest traps survivors fall into isn't staying stuck. It's believing they shouldn't still be affected by what happened. Society expects you to move...

Do you ever look around and feel like everyone else got the life you were supposed to have? The stable relationship. The career. The home. The confidence. The clear direction. Meanwhile, you're trying to rebuild after emotional abuse, betrayal, divorce, coercive control, or years spent surviving instead of thriving. In this episode of The Messy Middle , Erica explores the painful belief that...

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, "I seem okay on the outside... but inside I'm still struggling" ? After narcissistic abuse, emotional control, betrayal, or a high-conflict separation, many women find themselves functioning long before they feel healed. You're going to work, looking after the kids, handling responsibilities, showing up for everyone else, and from the out...

One of the most confusing parts of recovery after narcissistic abuse or coercive control is the moment you catch yourself wondering: "Was it really that bad?" In this episode of The Messy Middle , Erica dives into the painful spiral so many survivors experience after leaving an abusive relationship. The memories start to soften. The good moments rise to the surface. The loneliness feels...

Dating after narcissistic abuse or coercive control can feel less like excitement… and more like a full-blown survival exam. In this episode, I’m talking about why dating after abuse often becomes loaded with pressure, hypervigilance, self-criticism, and endless overthinking. The “Am I gonna miss the red flags again?” spiral. The scanning. The second-guessing. The feeling that every interaction so...

After narcissistic abuse or coercive control, there’s a phase nobody really talks about enough: the moment you go from missing red flags… to seeing them absolutely everywhere. In this episode, I’m talking about the hypervigilance that kicks in after emotional abuse recovery. That feeling where every comment, every inconsistency, every weird vibe suddenly feels loaded. Your nervous system is scanni...

If the idea of dating again still makes you feel physically ill, this episode is not for you yet, and that is completely okay. But if you have got to the point where you are dipping a toe back in, or even just thinking about it, this one is for you. Because something strange happens when you start dating after narcissistic abuse or a high control relationship. You expect to be better at spotting t...

Financial Fear After Narcissistic Abuse: What Nobody Talks About There is a moment that hits almost every woman after she leaves. Sometimes it is not right away. Sometimes it is weeks later, late at night, looking at her phone or her bank account, and it lands like a quiet, heavy dread. I am on my own. And I am going to have to fight for everything. This week I am talking about financial fear afte...

In this episode, I’m talking about something that almost every woman I’ve ever worked with eventually hits: the quiet grief of “wasted years.” It’s that heavy moment of looking back at a relationship and thinking, I lost myself in that. Sometimes it’s years, sometimes decades. And it often comes with shame, confusion, and a harsh inner narrative that says you should have known better. But what if...

If you've ever walked away from a controlling or abusive relationship and found yourself completely frozen over the smallest decisions — what to wear, whether to text someone back, what to order for lunch — this episode is for you. It's not just that you stop trusting them after manipulation, control, or abuse. You stop trusting yourself . And that's the part nobody really talks abo...

No one prepares you for this part. You think leaving the relationship will be the hardest thing… until your world starts getting smaller in ways you didn’t expect. In this raw and honest episode, I dive into the social fallout that often follows leaving a narcissistic or high-control relationship.  The friendships that fade. The family members who stay neutral. The quiet distance. The subtle disbe...

“I’ll never need anyone again.” If you’ve said this (out loud or quietly to yourself) after coercive control, betrayal, divorce, or going no contact… this episode is for you. In this conversation, I’m unpacking the very real phase so many women enter after high-control or narcissistic relationships: the swing from “I can’t survive without them” to “I will never depend on anyone ever again.” And I...

You finally got out. The chaos has stopped. So why does peace feel flat? Restless? Almost… boring? In this episode of The Messy Middle , I’m talking about something that so many women experience after leaving a narcissistic or high-control relationship but rarely admit out loud: Calm can feel uncomfortable. Instead of relief, you might feel numb. Irritated. Agitated. Like something is missing. You...

Who am I when I’m not managing someone else’s moods? Who am I when I’m not bracing for the explosion, calculating the cost of my resistance, or shrinking myself to keep the peace? In this raw and deeply honest episode of The Messy Middle , I’m diving into one of the most disorienting questions we face after narcissistic abuse and coercive control: Who am I without him? This isn’t just about being...

What happens when you’ve been gaslit in your relationship… and then gaslit again by the medical system? In this episode of The Messy Middle , I respond to a listener question that so many women quietly carry: What do you do when you’ve been dismissed, minimized, and made to doubt yourself - not just by a partner, but by doctors? This isn’t about “bad bedside manner.” This is about institutional ga...

What happens when your body knows the truth before your mind is ready to admit it?  In this deeply personal episode of The Messy Middle , I reflect on a powerful message from a listener who paused the podcast to do inner child work in real time: hugging a childhood toy, asking what she needed to hear, and speaking words of truth her body had been waiting for.  That moment wasn’t random. It wasn’t...

In this episode, I’m responding to listener messages that came in after the Inner Child ep, including one powerful moment that stopped me in my tracks.  A listener shared how she paused the podcast, climbed into bed with her childhood stuffed zebra, and spoke truth to the younger version of herself. What she described is exactly what real healing looks like - not performative, not perfect, but emb...

In this final episode of The Messy Middle Six Keys series, we’re closing with the key that changes everything: Abuse Dynamics Education . If you’ve ever wondered why you still doubt yourself… Why therapy, books, or “doing the work” hasn’t fully set you free… Or why a part of you still feels hooked to someone who treated you like shit… This episode is for you. We’re talking about the hidden mechani...

If you’ve ever wondered why boundaries feel impossible, why you keep going back, or why your body reacts before your mind can catch up, I made this episode for you. If you’ve done the therapy, read the books, understand the patterns of abuse, manipulation, or people pleasing, and yet your body still freezes, fawns, shuts down, or betrays you at the exact moment you need it most, this episode is fo...

Let’s talk about boundaries. The real kind. Not the affirmations you repeat in the mirror and then immediately override when someone pushes. I mean lived boundaries. The ones you feel in your body before they ever become words. In this episode of The Messy Middle , I’m unpacking why boundaries feel so uncomfortable, scary, and even dangerous for so many of us, especially if you grew up without the...

In this episode of The Messy Middle , I’m diving into intuition and why so many of us learned not to trust it, fear it, or shut it down completely. If you’ve experienced emotional abuse, gaslighting, narcissistic relationships, chronic people-pleasing, or high-control dynamics, there’s a good chance your intuition wasn’t just ignored, it was actively dismissed, minimized, or punished. Over time, t...

This episode is personal. It’s a little dark, a little tender, and honestly one of the more vulnerable things I have put 'out there'.  TRIGGER WARNING - In this episode, I talk about domestic violence, abuse, trauma, and the ripple effects of generational harm. If you need to skip this one to protect your nervous system, I fully support that. Thirty years ago, my dad died. Not the stepda...

If you’ve ever heard that vicious little voice in your head whispering things like you’re not smart enough, you always mess everything up, everyone’s laughing at you, this episode is going to hit home in the best possible way. Because that voice? It isn’t you. And today, we’re ripping the mask right off it. In this raw, intimate episode of The Messy Middle, I’m taking you back to the moment I fina...

In this raw and unfiltered episode of The Messy Middle , I’m pulling back the curtain on one of the most defining moments of my healing journey and why Inner Child Work became Key One in my Six Keys to Unfu*kwithable.  I’m talking about the truth-telling, throat-tightening, survival-trained younger me. The part of me who learned early to shrink, perform, stay quiet, and swallow every truth just to...

In this episode of The Messy Middle , I’m diving into the question I get asked with equal parts fear, dread, and heartbreak: Will this always happen to me? If you’ve ever whispered that to yourself after surviving narcissistic or high-control dynamics, you’re not alone. And no, you’re not cursed, broken, or doomed to attract the same person in a different body for the rest of your life. What you a...