The Luke and Pete Show

The lesson to take from today's episode is that algorithms will be the death of us all. And what's more, no-one even seems to care. Luke and Pete discuss that, as well as the radicalisation of people they have worked with that used to be normal, before getting stuck into an amazing email about a prank that wasn't actually a prank.  You can also get involved by emailing us:  hello@lukeand...

Pete visits a notable lungman about his wreck of a body. Will he get the answers he so desperately needs? Will he get a new inhaler? And, more importantly, will the doctor peg him? Despite all of his various ailments, Donny has also found the time to go out on the piss with our mate Vish, and he thinks getting a few beers inside him has probably helped to make him feel better as well. One thing th...

Hello all! The game is afoot on this episode as the lads don their deerstalkers and whip out the magnifying glasses to investigate a blurry picture of Pete and Stephen Merchant at a wedding. Yep, you read that right. Not for the reason you think, they were actually more focused on reflecting the magnifying glasses onto Pete's shiny dome. Also on the agenda today, Luke's attempt to outdrive Storm A...

The lads start today's show by talking about AI girlfriends before having a good old chinwag about large language models (lady, lady, m'lady). After that, attention turns to where all the Billy Liars have gone - they used to be stalwarts in the local pub but have they vanished onto whatsapp groups instead? There's also time for battery submissions, the nature of memory, and a bit of World War...

Behold! Because the lads are back with the usual nonsense, including but not limited to, Old El Paso, Uncle Ben's rice, writing the quiz questions for a DVD extra of Little Britain (speaking of which, how have those lads not been cancelled? And while we're on the subject, when are *we* going to be cancelled?), the video game Darkseed and, if that isn't enough, what's it like trying ...

Pete's been on the small talk again, he can't get enough of it these days. This time it was a man that decided to walk with him to the train station after commenting on his car. Did Pete decide to be friends with him, or did he make an excuse about needing a paper ticket and walking off? You'll have to listen in to find out. There's also chat about Robocop, Pete's retirement plan, and of course yo...

The lads open proceedings by chatting about a picture of Pete's dad's quite strange-looking foot, which has been provided to us in x-ray format via whatsapp. When is a bunion not a bunion? Quickly, discussion progresses to the story on everyone's lips - the advent of Kerry Katona and Katie Price's live tour. Why did Kerry say  that  about Katie's son Harvey? Elsewhere, there's hijackings...

Hello everyone and welcome back to an all-new episode of The Luke and Pete Show! This time around, the lads imagine what it would be like if Pete grew his ponytail out properly and started running a gas station in the Midwest. Would he get addicted to meth? Instantly. Speaking of petrol stations, they always sell the duo versions of popular chocolate bars and they also always sell McCoy's crisps....

Luke is stunned and offended by Pete's bombshell revelation that he can no longer make their planned evening out at the Towngate Theatre in Basildon to see Kerry Katona and Katie Price in conversation. An emotional plea to the Luke and Pete Show community to step into the breach as replacements is the only logical solution. Elsewhere, there's strong opinions on the idea of pasta for lunch, the wor...

Welcome to your all-new episode of The Luke and Pete Show! Recording late because Pete forgot about it and decided to take his computer apart instead, the lads aren't deterred and get straight into picking the bones out of Alapacafest 2025, Essex's premium alpaca-themed festival, with tech support provided by Mr Donaldson Esq.  Spoiler alert: no-one was electrocuted! There's always...

It's a pretty guitar-heavy episode today as the lads chat about musical performance-themed anxiety nightmares (Pete's a member of the Smashing Pumpkins in his), different guitar sounds they like, and Liam Gallagher's son's band. But don't worry non-guitar fans, there's plenty for you to enjoy too! Including cricket, Vinnie Jones trying and failing to get a catchphrase off the ground, Simon Cowell'...

Today's show opens with the bombshell revelation that Peter has enjoyed breakfast with the Oliver twins, creators of the Dizzy franchise! But what did they eat? Eggs, presumably. The lads also find time to revisit one of their favourite talking points - exactly when did it become necessary to drink so much water? Peter thinks it's a waste of time; he got all the hydration he needed from the amniot...

It's been a crazy few days in the world of Luke and Pete. Peter's had a recent break ruined by the wanton destruction of an animal, Luke's had his week ruined by an exploded snowglobe, and there's some surprising news afoot from the Official GP of The Luke and Pete Show. Elsewhere, the lads learn about the country's tallest ever policeman as well as take some more submissions for official jobs of...

What does male self care mean to you? Remember, there are no right or wrong answers to this question; to Luke it means going to a football match alone. To Peter it's a dog walk and a wank. Do whatever works for you.  Today on The Luke and Pete Show, Peter is dropping extortionate amounts of money in the NCP, Luke is drinking shandies and doesn't care who judges him (he definitely does), and w...

Pete tries to do a nice thing for his niece and ends up tearing around central London on a doomed quest to find a Labubu. The labubu he eventually landed turned out to be fake and probably filled with soiled bandages. Oh well. The lads also take the time to discuss fake merchandise, mundane celebrity encounters and why a bakery that doesn't serve any food is quite probably destined to fail. N...

After copping a tremendous amount of deserved flak from general practitioners everywhere for his ill-advised comments, Luke is considering shaving off his moustache and keeping a low profile by becoming a butcher's boy. Pete thinks it's a bad idea - too many euphemisms with middle aged women to deal with. On today's produce-themed episode we also hear about the godfather of British cheese as well...

Luke's been on a Disney cruise! He tells Pete all about it - the characters appearing out of nowhere and terrifying his son, the amazing places he visited, the idle fantasies about jumping into the briny sea and how long he'd survive. The usual. On today's episode there's also time to crown an Official General Practitioner of The Luke and Pete Show, and Luke gets in big trouble for saying it's pro...

Greetings, all! Where to start this week? Well, Pete celebrated Stak moving offices to central London by heading straight to Harley Street and having a fatty lump cut out of his back. It had to be done - it was stopping him sleeping properly.  After that he tells Luke all about two ferrets he met on a walk this week, and although their owners didn't let him put them down his trousers, he...

Today's episode starts with an impassioned debate about whether you can drive both ways over the Queen Elizabeth Bridge in east London. If that doesn't get you excited to tune in, then frankly you're in the wrong place. The lads then wax lyrical about the ridiculous nature of drug policy in the UK, which then naturally segues into a chat about a bloke that kept medicating himself with colloidal si...

Pete's been thinking about opening his own nursery, but stumbles badly over what he'd call it. But never mind all that, because as ever on The Luke and Pete Show there are gherkins to eat, sandwich shops to assess and paper fortune tellers to learn about. Oh, and have the lads finally found an Official GP of The Luke and Pete Show? And does he know what he's doing? And is being a GP...

The lads have moved into a new office and are starting to roll out their best small talk efforts with their new colleagues. But something more pressing is on the agenda today, because Pete fears he may have been propositioned by a man in the local corner shop? And, more importantly, that might mean he can never go back there again. Elsewhere, there's a weird fantasy bloke on instagram that Pe...

Are we living in an entirely new societal system? There's plenty of evidence to suggest we are. And it's called The Peteriarchy. But how many Petes are in charge, and who are they? Also on your all-new LAPS episode, Luke meets the only person in Britain that doesn't know where the Gallagher brothers are from, we lament the lack of Rocket From the Crypt in everyone's lives, and Pete delivers his tr...

Pete and Luke are back to ask a question that is surely on the lips of everyone - who is the UK's National Trevor? There's also time to discuss how many cats Ozzy Osbourne killed in his life (clue: it's a lot), and then we talk about our favourite Brixton-based buskers. Elsewhere, there's the astonishing average age of the Greenland shark, why Pete doesn't like jellied eels, and a listener gets in...

Today on your all-new LAPS portion: Luke meets the Bad Boy of Petanque in the flesh, there's some reminiscing about the abandoned 3D TV revolution and the lads learn about who *really* invented the telephone. Elsewhere, Luke remembers Good Shoes, Pete remembers Field Music and reveals the surprising thing they're up to now and there is a surprising plot twist in the battery chat. Could a lasagne r...

What foods would you say are acceptable to eat before midday? Unsurprisingly, Pete doesn't discriminate. Not that he can, mind you; his oven is inexplicably full of water so he can't cook anything anyway. Meanwhile, Luke is abusing and being abused when it comes to Lime bikes, and one of the lads has been belligerent to celebrated TV historian Dan Snow, and the other has made himself ill on gherki...