The Longing Lab

Send us Fan Mail Episode 40 Journalist Lisa A. Phillips discusses her new book First Love , exploring the emotional landscape of adolescent relationships, the significance of first loves, and how early experiences shape future romantic patterns. She shares insights on the importance of conversations around love and boundaries for teens. Journalist Lisa Phillips is the author of the book, First Lov...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 39 Bobby Stuckey, James Beard award-winning restaurateur and master sommelier, discusses how he finds joy in the mundane, the essential skill of listening in hospitality to understand what customers are longing for, and how endurance running has contributed to his longevity in the profession. Bobby Stuckey, founder of the James Beard Foundation award-winning and Michelin-s...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 38:  Flirt coach Benjamin Camras reveals what he's learned about longing, belonging, connection, and self-love, both through his personal dating experience and as a dating coach.  He shares ways he helps others navigate the complexities of dating and relationships. Benjamin Camras is a flirt and dating coach sharing his love of flirting and BFE - big flirt energy - wi...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 37: Lana Manikowski (a certified life coach, infertility advocate, and the author of So Now What?) shares her personal journey navigating infertility, how it shaped her life, and practical strategies for reconnecting with one's body and finding purpose beyond motherhood. She highlights the importance of creating a new narrative regardless of societal expectations. Lan...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 36 Columbia University Professor of Music Walter Frisch explores how longing is expressed in 19th and 20th-century music, particularly in the works of composers like Schumann, Wagner, and Arlen. Frisch also shares the lesser-known historic details on the development of the iconic song of longing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." Walter Frisch is the H. Harold Gumm/Ha...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 35 Feminist journalist and author of The Sex Myth, Rachel Hills discusses what she’s learned about sex as a source of power, the sex myths many of us believe, and how the sexual revolution didn’t really liberate us. Hills also highlights the social pressures she personally felt not having sex until her mid-20s.  Rachel Hills is a feminist journalist and non-fiction writer...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 34 Dylan Thomas Doyle (PhD) discusses the use of AI in creating "griefbots," which simulate deceased loved ones. Doyle-Burke emphasizes the ethical considerations, potential harms, and psychological impacts of grief-related technology. He highlights the need for careful design and regulation. Doyle-Burke also mentions ongoing research and the cultural nuances of...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 33 Dr. Ravin Alaei explores the relationship between music lyrics and attachment styles. In a study of 500 participants, lyrics of ~4,700 songs were analyzed to quantify avoidance, security, and anxiety. Results showed that people with avoidant attachment styles preferred songs with more avoidant lyrics, while those with secure attachment styles preferred more secure lyric...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 32 Psychologist Nirit Soffer-Dudek explains maladaptive daydreaming, a clinical phenomenon where fantasy becomes a highly disabling and distressing addiction. She discusses fuels, triggers, treatments and why/how it’s often misdiagnosed. Nirit Soffer-Dudek, PhD is an associate professor at the Department of Psychology at Ben-Gurion University of the Negev, and a licensed c...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 31 Journalist Anna Goldfarb discusses the complexities of modern friendships, emphasizing the impact of social media on longing and the grief in losing friends who played specific roles in our lives. During a time when it appears we have hundreds of connections, she encourages readers/listeners to become wholehearted friends with fewer. Journalist Anna Goldfarb is known as...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 30 Centenarian and University of Colorado Super Fan Peggy Coppom shares wisdom about love, friendship, and prayer through stories she shares about her twin sister, Coach Prime, and her faith in God.  Since her family moved from the high plains of eastern Colorado to Boulder to escape the Dust Bowl in 1939, CU football mega fan Peggy Coppom has only missed three CU home foo...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 29 Steph Hauser shares the miraculous birth story of her son Zev, born at 23 weeks (halfway through Steph’s pregnancy) with a 1% survival rate, and the difficult choices they faced. She explains how her "Tell me what's good" strategy helped them find hope and the organizations they began to support NICU families. Steph Hauser is a writer, podcaster, ultrarun...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 28  Psychiatrist and mindfulness research leader Dr. Jud Brewer explains the neural mechanisms of longing (i.e. romantic obsession) and the differences between excitement (contraction) and joy (expansion). Brewer discusses how mindfulness training reduces cravings and anxiety to help individuals manage their habits and emotions. Jud Brewer MD PhD is the Director of Researc...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 27 Feminist author Elissa Bassist discusses her experiences with longing while warping her voice in academia, relationships, and medical settings. She shares her two-year journey with physical pain misunderstood and dismissed by many doctors and how it highlights the internalized patriarchy that leads women to suppress their voices. Elissa Bassist is the editor of the “Fun...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 26 Alex Stewart, the influencer behind the hit podcast Swipe Fat, discusses how body shaming shapes romantic longing, the polarizing use of words like “fat,” the impact of weight loss drugs on the body positivity movement, and why you should never wait til you're X size to do something. Alex Stewart is an influencer and the voice behind the Instagram and TikTok accoun...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 25 Neuroscientist and owner of Livingwithlimerence.com Dr. Tom Bellamy explains what is happening in the brain when one experiences limerence, what makes it scientifically so difficult to disrupt, and strategies to practice to stop limerence Tom Bellamy is an academic neuroscientist and Associate Professor at the University of Nottingham in the UK. His research involves st...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 24 Travel expert and writer Pauline Frommer illustrates how travel experiences have made her a better seeker, the importance of appreciating the ephemeral moments in travel, why the holy grail of travel is finding one’s soulmate, and the future of the travel industry with AI.  Pauline Frommer is Co-President of Frommer Media LLC with her father, travel legend Arthur Fromme...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 23 Social psychologist Ellen Langer, AKA the "mother of mindfulness," explains why our perceived sense of control impacts our mental health, how longing and regret are mindless, why there are no good or bad decisions, and her new book, The Mindful body: Thinking our way to chronic health. Dr. Ellen Langer, AKA the “mother of mindfulness,” is a social psychologist...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 22 On May 9, 2023, five-year-old Sidney Mae Olson was struck and killed by a truck in a cross walk. Her father, Eric Olson, discusses the longing that transpired following her death and what he’s learned about himself, his relationship with his daughter, and the interconnectedness of everything.  Eric Olson is an advocate for vulnerable road users like his daughter. Eric i...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 21 Psychologist and mind-wandering researcher Dr. Giulia Poerio shares recent research describing characteristics of limerence, who might be predisposed to it, and potential techniques that help alleviate limerent thinking. Due to the lack of understanding of limerence in clinical communities, she describes how it is often misunderstood or misdiagnosed.  Dr Giulia Poerio i...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 20 Professor and author Lisa Phillips discusses society's different expectations for genders in the pursuer/pursued template. In reflecting on her own story of unrequited love, she explains how she recognized what, not who, she really wanted. Phillips shares tips for satisfying the part of some of us that is always longing. Lisa Amy Phillips is the author of Unrequite...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 19 Psychology professor and author Dr. Mary-Frances O’Connor explains how our expectations encoded in the brain impact our grief when we lose someone we love (through death, divorce, or estrangement). She also illustrates why our brains have to learn over and over that someone is truly gone and why some people experience more intense, persistent and prolonged grief. Dr. Ma...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 18 Psychologist and author Dr. Alexandra Solomon explains how our current low accountability dating culture fosters a collective attachment disorder which individuals sometimes mistake as a personal disorder. She provides practical actions individuals can take to foster a healthy relationship with others and themselves. Solomon also discusses how longing (or limerence) can...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 17 Sociology professor Dr. Lisa Wade takes a deep dive into the history and results of hookup culture on American college campuses based on her research. She reveals the unspoken rules of hookup culture and how the stalled sexual revolution contributed to hookup culture (and in turn young adults having less sex than their parents).  Dr. Lisa Wade is an Associate Professor...

Send us Fan Mail Episode 16 Purity culture recovery coach Linda Kay Klein explains how difficult it is to shed the teachings of purity culture. Using her personal experience and those of the many women she interviewed for her book, Linda discusses how purity culture encouraged longing for a perfect mate, how repression of emotions manifests in our bodies, and how to develop an endoskeleton of sexu...